Skyscraper

You have a cleavage-filled picture of Anna Nicole Smith wearing inch-long red nails and holding a gun. What do you expect? Skyscraper is a pathetic attempt to turn Playboy model Anna Nicole Smith into some sort of action hero in the tradition of the historic Die Hard, and the end result is ridiculous. Take Die Hard, reduce the budget by about 97%, replace the director with someone who hails Andy Sidaris films as the greatest things in the world, and switch Bruce Willis for a big-breasted blonde with no acting ability whatsoever. If you do all that, you get Skyscraper. What a joke.

This is not an action movie, it is a vehicle to further Smith's career, although with such a piece of garbage I can't imagine that her career was furthered rather than hindered. It was so funny watching her complain to her husband in the movie about wanting to have a baby. The sets were pretty funny, too. Remember the control panel in the building that the bad guys were communicating with the police on? That's why the budget from Die Hard could be cut by 97%. Cardboard and spray paint are not expensive, and I can't imagine that the film's producers actually paid these people for such pathetic acting. Skyscraper is a waste of everything that was put into it. Needless to say, it would be best not to waste your time on such crap.

If you turn the number sideways, you'll see why I gave this movie an 8. Check the gratuitous shower scene about 10 minutes into the movie if you don't get me.

Friends, this movie is HOWLINGLY BAD. You'll laugh until tears flow from your eyes, not believing the sights and sounds assaulting your being from the screen. From Anna's non-existent acting, to the bad scenery-chewing performance of the actor playing the lead terrorist (just what country is he supposed to be from, Badaccentia?), this is prime Badfilm. There are a ton of explosions on offer, which are nicely photographed, but are so (I'll risk using the word again) gratuitous that the plot (most obvious Die Hard rip-off ever) can't be taken seriously for more than a nanosecond.

Everything about this film screams: "Don't take me seriously!"

On that level, the discriminating fan of bad action films will enjoy this heartily. Anyone familiar with the work of Andy Sidaris will be in familiar territory here.

I feel that this movie is best enjoyed under the influence of several adult beverages. I would suggest a double feature for a night of viewing, this film and David Heavener's KILL CRAZY(see my review of that film as well). Now that's some red-blooded American entertainment. Lots of stuff gets blowed up real good! Get the pony keg and the nachos, dude!

Anna Nicole Smith gives a performance that comparatively makes Jayne Mansfield an Oscar winner. A disgusting rip off of Die Hard, including crawling through air ducts. While the plot wasn't remotely intended to take the viewer on an emotional roller coaster ride, Ms. Smith's only emotion seems to consist of whining. It is obvious she just read many lines from cue cards. The most telling sign of the enthusiasm of this cast was exhibited by the hostages, who when released, just sort of meander out of the building. More energy and enthusiasm is shown by most people when being seated in a dentist's chair.

The whole cast would have been better off if an earthquake collapsed the building on them. The attempted rescue would have been more intriguing.

The nude scenes were apparently just to exhibit her unnatural endowment. I found viewing her mammaries more humorous than erotic. Anna Nicole Smith strikes me as a rather pitiable creature of silicon.

I rented the movie for 50 cents locally. What a waste.

I found it truly distressing to watch this film. Plot wise, it was basically a rip off of Die Hard (i.e. group of 'terrorists' take over hi-tec building and are foiled by an individual) and appeared to exist only as a vehicle for Anna Nicole Smith's breasts.

The European 'terrorist' contingent looked like a bunch of failed male models - musclebound freaks with girly hair. The dialogue appeared to be a rather poorly realised afterthought and Ms. Smith's acting was painful to watch. Her facial expressions and whining voice were several steps down from Roger Moore's school of 'eyebrow-response' acting. Even in the attempted rape scene there was no dramatic tension, leaving the viewer with an almost schizophrenic sense of detachment. All in all a complete waste of time. Nice jugs though.

Imagine that you put Barb Wire in a skyscraper, after the Die Hard model, add incredibly stupid dialog, and some free swinging 48" (or however big Anna Nicole Smith's mammaries are) appendages. Then you have more or less this movie.

If you are a man, the only thing that will hold your attention are the scenes where Anna Nicole Smith shows off her transplants.

You might want to watch the film if you are masochistic or have nothing better to do (like watching paint dry?).

The plot is: Tall high rise is taken over by terrorists, this building have a brand new state of the art electronic security system, that allows you to monitor and control the building from 1 central location.

The bad guys claim to be a international terrorist group in order to avoid detection of their real motive. However there is a fly in the ointment in that there are - in this case - two good guys loose in the building trying to spoke their plans.

The action consists of crawling through air vents, setting fires in order to call the fire department, picking off the terrorists one by one, ending in a fight where the leader gets thrown off the roof, to crash to his death 86 floors below. Other terrorists are also thrown out the windows to land on police cars......

Sound familiar ??????

The primary good guy is Anna Nicole Smith, proudly showing off her mammary development (transplant???) at various times, probably to keep the attention of the the few guys watching the movie.

Please do yourself a favor - don't see this movie if you have any choice.