Skyscraper

Okay, that should take care of all the dumb breast jokes, shall we move on?

Anna Nicole Smith...action star?

No.

Anna Nicole Smith...erotic star?

Maybe.

Anna Nicole Smith...comedian?

Definitely.

She can't act, she can barely remember her lines, she pouts, she whines...and she's supposed to be the next Bruce Willis? I think not. Take out the violence and this could be "The Naked Gun, Part 48DD: Double Trouble". ...okay, okay, that's the last dumb breast joke, I promise.

On the basis of this movie, Anna would be best off to just cut her losses and work as an understudy for Edy Williams (hey, she's got to retire sometime).

One star. Maybe two, I wouldn't want to be a boob.

Sorry, sorry....

I found it truly distressing to watch this film. Plot wise, it was basically a rip off of Die Hard (i.e. group of 'terrorists' take over hi-tec building and are foiled by an individual) and appeared to exist only as a vehicle for Anna Nicole Smith's breasts.

The European 'terrorist' contingent looked like a bunch of failed male models - musclebound freaks with girly hair. The dialogue appeared to be a rather poorly realised afterthought and Ms. Smith's acting was painful to watch. Her facial expressions and whining voice were several steps down from Roger Moore's school of 'eyebrow-response' acting. Even in the attempted rape scene there was no dramatic tension, leaving the viewer with an almost schizophrenic sense of detachment. All in all a complete waste of time. Nice jugs though.

If you turn the number sideways, you'll see why I gave this movie an 8. Check the gratuitous shower scene about 10 minutes into the movie if you don't get me.

Friends, this movie is HOWLINGLY BAD. You'll laugh until tears flow from your eyes, not believing the sights and sounds assaulting your being from the screen. From Anna's non-existent acting, to the bad scenery-chewing performance of the actor playing the lead terrorist (just what country is he supposed to be from, Badaccentia?), this is prime Badfilm. There are a ton of explosions on offer, which are nicely photographed, but are so (I'll risk using the word again) gratuitous that the plot (most obvious Die Hard rip-off ever) can't be taken seriously for more than a nanosecond.

Everything about this film screams: "Don't take me seriously!"

On that level, the discriminating fan of bad action films will enjoy this heartily. Anyone familiar with the work of Andy Sidaris will be in familiar territory here.

I feel that this movie is best enjoyed under the influence of several adult beverages. I would suggest a double feature for a night of viewing, this film and David Heavener's KILL CRAZY(see my review of that film as well). Now that's some red-blooded American entertainment. Lots of stuff gets blowed up real good! Get the pony keg and the nachos, dude!

In the bad department, this film doesn't measure up to the classics like "Plan 9 From Outer Space", but it tries very hard. Security Guard Dudley Wright is the best thing about this movie, but his Tim Kazarinski (Tim, if I spelled that wrong, I'm sorry) impression seals the deal.

If you really want to ogle Anna Nicole Smith's nude bod, better to dig up an old Playboy. She's really not shown that often. Three scenes only one totally nude.

On a scale of 1-10 for believability, I'd have to go into the negative numbers, but it does give plenty of laughs if you're willing to suspend any and all credibility.

I sincerely feel very bad for the actual GOOD actors in this (there ARE some), but I'm sure they didn't mind the extra job to fill in time between honest work.

You have a cleavage-filled picture of Anna Nicole Smith wearing inch-long red nails and holding a gun. What do you expect? Skyscraper is a pathetic attempt to turn Playboy model Anna Nicole Smith into some sort of action hero in the tradition of the historic Die Hard, and the end result is ridiculous. Take Die Hard, reduce the budget by about 97%, replace the director with someone who hails Andy Sidaris films as the greatest things in the world, and switch Bruce Willis for a big-breasted blonde with no acting ability whatsoever. If you do all that, you get Skyscraper. What a joke.

This is not an action movie, it is a vehicle to further Smith's career, although with such a piece of garbage I can't imagine that her career was furthered rather than hindered. It was so funny watching her complain to her husband in the movie about wanting to have a baby. The sets were pretty funny, too. Remember the control panel in the building that the bad guys were communicating with the police on? That's why the budget from Die Hard could be cut by 97%. Cardboard and spray paint are not expensive, and I can't imagine that the film's producers actually paid these people for such pathetic acting. Skyscraper is a waste of everything that was put into it. Needless to say, it would be best not to waste your time on such crap.