Columbo: Caution: Murder Can Be Hazardous to Your Health

A fun entry in the 1990s series of revamped Columbo TV movies, this features George Hamilton playing the villain for the second time in the series (the first was 1975's A DEADLY STATE OF MIND). Hamilton has never been the world's greatest actor, but he's a solid fit for this 1990s-feeling piece, which has a relaxed atmosphere and plenty of light comedy to see it through.

Hamilton plays the presenter of a big crime TV show (think the BBC's CRIME WATCH) who discovers to his displeasure that a rival has uncovered a dirty secret from his past. He kills the guy by poisoning his cigarette, and Columbo is soon on the case. One of the annoying things about this episode is the slow, drawn-out way that Columbo describes the clues and the like to the audience; he actually seems quite slow-witted, and was never like this in the old episodes.

Still, the mystery is a good one, and there's an ingenious climax. Plus, I find the comedy in this latter episodes to be as strong as ever, with the interlude in the dog parlour a highlight. CAUTION: MURDER CAN BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH is a perfectly serviceable entry in the Columbo TV series.

Our old friend, and cover boy for Tanning Quarterly, George Hamilton is front and center here. He has stepped on the toes of a guy who is out for revenge. Apparently, George did a porno film in his youth and the guy is blackmailing him. Hence, a murder plot using cigarettes and a deadly poison. George's character is a huge TV personality on a true crime show. He is arrogant and smug and in danger of losing his cash cow. The problem involves some cigarette butts he used. The victim was a chain smoker, leaving himself a target for the killer. George also uses a surveillance tape to cover his tracks. Of course, Columbo knows it's him quite quickly, but he has to gather evidence. It's a well made episode with some nicely put together deductions.

Like the other reviewers, I generally enjoyed this episode, which pretty much sticks to formula and has a decent murder plot with lots of real sleuthing for the good detective to figure out. However, there were two aspects that I think really kept it from being great - neither of which anyone else has mentioned. Firstly, I never was a great George Hamilton fan. Not only did his crazy tanning efforts totally disfigure his truly handsome face of the early years, he simply was not a very good actor. I think he was more truthful than humble when he said that he was a movie star, not an actor. There are none of the subtle changes in facial expressions and tone that the true stars like McGoohan and Cassidy implemented so well. He either smiles to Columbo, or loses his temper. There are none of the subtle in-between expressions, where you smile while indicating irritation or discomfort. Secondly, I thought the writing was dreadful. I have a simple test for the quality of a Columbo episode: see how many enjoyable quotes there are. The great ones had tons of funny quips about Columbo's quirks, and subtle hints by the detective that revealed his train of thought and suspicions. This movie had exactly one decent line (which I submitted to the site), when the victim chokingly states he can't breath, and Anders quips, 'I told you those things will kill ya.' There was not a single other line that I could rate as even half decent. All attempts at humor, which usually add so much to this series, were dreadful here, such as the infantile and overly extended scene where Columbo crashes into Anders' car, or the one where he picks up 'dog' from the pedicure, or when he asks about the cost of Anders' shirt and wonders why his own shirt is so much cheaper even though it 'travelled just as far.' Pullease. Can professional writers do no better than that? Finally, as in many late Columbos, instead of making the detective sound quirky and old-fashioned, it makes him speak like an old dimwit, who explains everything as if to a three year old - such as the demonstration with the typewriter pages being pulled out, or when showing Anders the cigarette butts. It just makes you wince. In this episode, it is the overall plot and the old Columbo formula that saves matters and makes it enjoyable - despite all its faults.

PLOT: A crime show host (George Hamilton) murders a rival who blackmails him via an old porn flick to get his job (Peter Haskell).

COMMENTARY: Hamilton returns 16 years after his first gig with Columbo in "A Deadly State of Mind" (1975). The crime show is patterned after America's Most Wanted with John Walsh and makes for an interesting context. It's a solid episode that follows the formula to a 't,' nothing more, nothing less. Another reviewer accurately described it as "perfectly serviceable."

GRADE: B/B-

George Hamilton plays Wade Anders, the host of a show very similar to "America's Most Wanted". The show is a big success and things look great for Anders...until an old enemy shows up to see him. It seems that a TV news man was also up for the job of host of this show....and he's bitter about Anders beating him out in becoming the host. But the news man has something on Anders...he has just discovered early in his life, Anders starred in a porno film...and the news guy has a copy and plans on using it!

With the destruction of his career a strong possibility, Anders hatches a mostly ingenious plan to murder the guy. However, of course, the plan is NOT perfect and Columbo is on the case....so sooner or later he's bound to get caught.

The crime is really neat and well thought out. But the actual execution left out some important details...so see the show and see how Columbo catches him. Well worth seeing and quite enjoyable.