- [Roger and Simon are arguing over Roger's loud music]
- Roger: I happen to know that Albert Schweitzer listened to loud music.
- Simon: Albert Schweitzer never listened to music that loud.
- Roger: Yeah? How do you know?
- Simon: Because he won the Nobel PEACE Prize.
- [Long pause]
- Roger: That... is the most logical thing I've ever heard.
- [after a crash]
- Jane: Where's my Jeep?
- Tarzan: Jane's Jeep became good friends with a tree.
- Jane: It did, huh?... Okay.
- Tarzan: Sometimes Jane's mind works so hard that her eyes do not see.
- Jane: And what is that supposed to...
- [Jane trips on a rock and falls]
- Tarzan: Jane made Tarzan's point.
- Jane: Ha ha.
- [about his parents]
- Tarzan: They died, Tarzan lived. Why?
- Jane: The jungle needed you.
- Dan: Okay, how do I explain this? When you're a star, everybody knows you.
- Tarzan: Everybody knows Dan: Jane, Roger, Cheetah...
- Dan: No, no, no, Tarzan, I mean everybody all around the world. You're in the newspaper every day, you're on TV every day, you sign autographs.
- Tarzan: Autographs?
- Dan: Yeah, you write your name on a piece of paper.
- Tarzan: Why?
- Dan: Because you're famous! Because everybody wants a piece of you. That's what makes them happy.
- Tarzan: The sun makes people happy. Trees make people happy. Why does a piece of paper make people happy?
- [pause]
- Dan: I'll have to get back to you on that.
- Tarzan: Jane is very stubborn.
- Jane: I had a good teacher.
- Roger: You know, someday, you're going to have to start reading something other than airplane manuals.
- Dan: Okay, Great Wizard of the Book.
- Dan: Somebody explain to me why I live in a house with no walls in the middle of monsoon territory.
- Roger: The rent's cheap?
- Dan: Oh, yeah. I knew it was something.
- Starr Reilly: You're sure you've never heard of me?
- Tarzan: Tarzan is sure.
- Starr Reilly: What, you don't have a CD player? Okay, a radio? Now come on, you must watch videos!
- Tarzan: Tarzan watches the jungle. That is enough.
- Starr Reilly: I don't understand. I'm supposed to be a household name.
- Roger: I guess that doesn't cover treehouses.
- Simon: Jane Porter never did anything because of a man.
- Tarzan: In Tarzan's jungle, it is more important to protect the living than to protect memories.
- Roger: I wouldn't go out there for all the cars in Detroit!
- Jane: How do you always make everything so simple?
- Tarzan: Practice.
- Simon: I missed the city once, Jane. I missed the rush and the color, and the sight of women so beautiful in their dresses and high heels. Then I looked at this jungle, at the birds and the trees, the ground so alive beneath me, and I realized that out here in the middle of nowhere, in a place not even on the map... I was closer to God.
- Jane: You could have told me there was water nearby before I made a fool of myself.
- Tarzan: Jane is not a fool. Just wrong.
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