Snake Eater

Now, I've seen a lot of bad movies. I like bad movies. Especially bad action movies. I've seen (and enjoyed) all of Jean-Claude Van Damme's movies, including the one where he's his own clone, both of the ones where he plays twins, and all three where he's a cyborg. I actually own the one where he plays a fashion designer and has a fight in a truck full of durians. (Hey, if nothing else, he's got a great ass and you almost always get to see it. With DVD, you can even pause and zoom in!) That's why you can trust me when I say that this movie is so bad, it makes Plan 9 look like Citizen Kane.

Everything about Snake Eater is bad. The plot is bad. The script is bad. The sets are bad. The fights are bad. The stunts are bad. The FX are bad. The acting is spectacularly, earth-time-bendingly bad, very probably showcasing the worst performance of every so-called actor in the cast, including Lorenzo Lamas, and that's really saying something. And I'd be willing to bet everyone involved with this movie is lousy in bed, to boot. ESPECIALLY Lorenzo Lamas.

It does manage to be unintentionally funny, so it's not a total loss. However, I recommend that you watch this movie only if you are either a congenital idiot or very, very stoned. I was able to sit through it myself because I needed to watch something to distract me from rinsing cat urine out of my laundry.

It didn't help much, but it was better than nothing. One point for Ron Palillo's cameo as a gay arsonist.

The beginning of a notoriously poor and cheap B-movie trilogy for star Lorenzo Lamas, SNAKE EATER is the pits when it comes to action. It has no money at all but it tries to deliver a tight and suspenseful scenario with plenty of gravitas and fails every time. Lamas is extraordinarily wooden as a bereaved hero who goes after a gang of kidnappers and murders hiding out in the woods. There are some cool traps at the outset and some low rent kills at the climax, but in between this is mindless stuff with little to no effort made in terms of staging or originality. The acting from the cast is abominable, and that comes from someone who's seen plenty of B-cinema.

This movie has some of the worst acting that I have ever seen! Some scenes are original such as the nails coming through the floor. This nail trap catches these bad guys. The rest of the movie degrades as you go. I can't believe that this movie is not even in the bottom 100 movies of all time. I also can't believe that there are sequels! The next crap movie that I want to watch is R.O.T.O.R. Could R.O.T.O.R really be much worse than this?

Imagine this catches your attention because you're a fan of the Michael Dudikoff American Ninja movies and you think this could be right up there with those really well written & produced gems😆

But this movie promises some fancy fighting and maybe some super clever commando trickery, so you say "yeah, this could be fun", in a super low budget kind of way.

However, the only possible redemption is if you're high, with friends and you want a movie full of zero acting talent, terrible stunts, 4th grade dialogue, 3rd grade plot, stupidity that makes what you think is stupid - look good, and close-up zooms of Lorenzo Lamas' hairy stomach, to make fun of for 90 minutes.

But standby, because they made sequels!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

As an action film that one would pay to see in the theatres, yikes!!! This movie is incompetent on almost every level - BUT....for those of us who enjoy cheesy bad movies - this one is a winner. REAL bad acting, there is a guy who plays the "funny" sidekick cop to Larry Csonka, legendary Miami Dolphins running back, no less. And this guy's performance is so bad, so over the top, he makes the Dead End Kids look subtle. Lamas (who I'm sure is gorgeous to the gals) is one of the most "dead-eyed" actors I've ever seen. It is a simple revenge flick - where Lamas' parents are killed by crazed rednecks (plus they kidnap his sister - who gives a truly awful, amateurish performance). The dangerous psycho hillbillies have to be seen to be believed - talk about scenery chewing. Sheesh. Any film that has hillbillies torture people by putting them in big fluffy sleeping bags and hanging them from a tree - well, how can you not watch??