Der Skipper

The original box for the video featured Patsy Kensit, who at that time looked like she was going to become a big star. It never happened, & now Elizabeth Hurley (who receives third billing) is featured on the front of the video box. My, how things change! This is a slow moving but very unusual & interesting character study of three people on a small boat, traveling from Gibralter to Barbados. The acting is superb (especially Kensit & Prochnow, both of whom have much charisma), the changing small group dynamics are very interesting for viewers who like character studies, & there's quite a surprise in the plot. Notice the double standard of Kensit's character as she first has sex with a man (in exchange for something she expects but never gets) & then disapproves her friend's (Hurley's) going a bit "too far" after their burlesque dance routine. It's this same ambiguity that drives her character throughout the movie. Hurley is shown semi-nude briefly a couple of times, so that may either peak your interest or turn you off; not for younger viewers. Stick with it during the slow moments, it's worth it. I rate it 8/10.

I'm not sure what I expected from a film starring two of the worst actresses ever to (dis)grace the silver screen, but Kill Cruise is even worse than I could have imagined. This is possibly the first thriller without any thrills. In fact, it should be re-named "Two Irritating Slappers Stuck On A Yacht".

The film begins promisingly. Patsy Kensit (Su) and Liz Hurley (Lou) perform an appalling musical number in a club and then Liz performs an impromptu strip, flashing her boobs. Unfortunately, the comedy ends there. Su and Lou pick up a drunken German skipper (an embarrassed looking Juergen Prochnow) for what I assume was a threesome and decide to sail with him to Bermuda. Shortly into the trip, Su becomes jealous of the relationship developing between Lou and the skipper and generally behaves like an idiot. This jealousy then escalates into general insanity.

Kill Cruise doesn't even have the decency to be a mildly amusing "Dead Calm" rip off. That film exploited the claustrophobic atmosphere of a yacht to magnificent effect. Kill Cruise doesn't even bother, in fact nothing really happens. The most thrilling moment is probably when everyone falls asleep and the ship hits some empty oil barrels. Now that will have you on the edge of your seat. The finale itself is so anti-climactic that it borders on being shameful. The twist is utterly nonsensical and the epilogue is so stupid and irrelevant that it almost defies belief.

The only reason I give this film 3 stars instead of 1 is out of sympathy for Juergen Prochnow, who does his best despite the ridiculous material that he has to work with. The only other thing the film has going for it is the opportunity to laugh at the amazing lack of acting ability displayed by Liz and Patsy. What a sorry pair.

Kill Cruise really is an exercise in futility. If you are going to make a thriller, please provide some thrills. And if you are going to disguise your dull epic as a "character study", then at least flesh out the characters and try to make their actions vaguely believable. This is one cruise you will be happy to skip.

The film had quite bad reviews at the time so when I got it on DVD the plan was to fast forward to the naughty bits. But I found the film so fascinating that I watched it from beginning to end. Being on a yacht with Paty Kensit and Liz Hurley sounds like your idea of paradise? Well, the washed out skipper of a yacht is duped into a four week trip to Barbaidos with two young women who make a living stripping and turning tricks in a decidedly seedy Gibraltar. Everything seems fine at first but then the sexual tension rises, the skipper seems to have a dark secret and paradise turns into hell. The film has an overtone of aggressive sexuality from the very beginning that tries to assert itself against the burned out skipper and does so in the end but with disastrous consequences. I liked both the feel of the run down part of Gibraltar and the clautstrophobic atmosphere on the yacht. Kensit is great as the slut from hell who becomes more and more unstable throughout the journey. Hurley seems to be the sensible one who turn into a complete psychopath. While the acting is very good my only misgiving about the film is that this change comes too suddenly and does not really seem plausible. I'm not sure if secnes were cut from the film but I certainly do not believe the rumour of a full frontal nudity lesbian love scene (which wouldn't really make sense). The film is also a showcase for Prochnow's acting talents which he unfortunately squandered with later roles as stoch villain. Well worth watching!

Kill Cruise is one of those hard to find movies that any Liz Hurley fan must see. An early film in Liz's career, that can only mean one thing. Nudity. Not only do you get to see Liz in the buff, you get to watch two love scenes with her at her best. Patsy Kensit co stars with Liz in this very sexy and dark story. Check it out if you can find a copy. The DVD just recently came out nationwide.

Although there seemed to be a lack in the plot of the movie, the story and events were entertaining. You never know what will happen on a cruise of this nature and this movie points to certain possibilities. I would watch it again but the anxiety that I felt would be reason enough not to watch it. I did feel a certain emptiness when it was over, but hey, that is what movies are about. You just never know. The surprise ending was actually not expected and that was well worth the viewing time of two hours. I would recommend this film to others with the knowledge that it was not a real class film but entertaining none the less.