Magie noire

Well, this film tries to sell itself off as being Lovecraftian but really is more like crappion...or carrion. Really, it is not all that bad once you realize it has nothing to do with H. P. Lovecraft and is nothing more than a tale of a magician and how some hoodlums break into his home. The film goes right for your horror heart strings with a black cat, a huge mansion, lots of swirling dry ice, and other horror cliches. The house is impressive and the actors are so annoying(apart from Frank Finlay in the lead as the magician and Marcia Layton as his daughter)that you readily want something tragic to happen to them. What exactly happens...who is to say? Certainly not me as it is a very porous story, but the execution of the plot is done with some style. Despite some major, major flaws, the film is very watchable and entertaining in a bad its good vein.

Don't go into this one expecting even a remote trace of Lovecraftian horror ...you won't find it. The only HPL connection to this screwball effort is the word Cthulu ...the word, not the idea, not the god, not the atmosphere or anything else. Just the word. One can't necessarily expect the actors of a movie like this to be top notch (though Jeffrey Combs of some other HPL-based films is certainly the exception), but in Cthulu Mansion you feel like you should be watching something recorded by teenagers on a digital camera. The film's dialog consists solely of clichés ...an hour and a half worth of clichés: imagine that! The lead bad guy is named Hawk (which wouldn't be funny even if this were a satire of trashy horror), and the characters so lack originality and human-ness that you'll find yourself wondering aloud, "What was going through the actor's mind when he/she was performing this scene?" Seemingly absolutely nothing. The killings are mild (the blood-shower drowning was cool but too good for this film) or stupid (the 1950s monster hands coming out of the refrigerator ...come on!), and the only genuinely positive thing I can say about the entire mess was that the mansion used here would be great in a better film. I so wanted this to be a better movie. The cover at the video store, the fact that it was Spanish and claimed to be based off of Lovecraft, all pointed to something awesome ...but I was horribly deceived.

Right, well I stumbled upon the 1992 movie "Cthulhu Mansion" (aka "La mansión de los Cthulhu") here in 2021. I had never heard about the movie before, but being a huge Lovecraft fan, of course I was instantly and immediately drawn to the movie and rushed to give it a watch.

And let me just say, perfectly clear, that this movie has nothing, and I mean that literally, nothing to do with Lovecraft or the Cthulhu mythos. Sure, it uses the name Cthulhu in the movie; it is seen on a book and over the gate leading to the house. But that is where the connection ends.

The storyline is not even remotely Lovecraftian in spirit, essence or atmosphere. This was, in all its simplicity, a mere average early 1990s horror movie, though it felt more like a late 1980s one, to be bluntly honest.

In fact the storyline was actually not all that bad, if you look at the movie with eyes that are not blinded with the hopes of it being a Lovecraftian movie. It was an archetypical horror movie from the early 1990s, for better or worse. So you know what you are getting yourself into here, if you are familiar with the horror genre from that period of time.

The acting in the movie was adequate, though you should not be expecting any grand Shakespearian performances. And taking the movie's limited script and storyline into consideration, I think the actors and actresses actually managed to fare well enough.

But for a horror movie, then "Cthulhu Mansion" was just too bland, bordering on being boring actually. Nothing scary was to be seen anywhere throughout the course of the entire movie. Or perhaps I am just jaded from a life-time exposure to the horror genre.

Visually then "Cthulhu Mansion" was actually adequate. There were some nice enough special effects in the movie, taking the age of the movie into consideration.

If you are looking for a proper Lovecraftian movie, then "Cthulhu Mansion" is not the movie you should sit down to watch.

My rating of "Cthulhu Mansion" settles on a mere three out of ten stars. Mostly because it was not a Lovecraftian movie, but also because the movie's storyline was just too scrambled, erratic and was lacking a proper red thread.

Got a certain 80s vibe and is for certain not a scary but rather an amusing one - if you don't expect something really based on one of Lovecraft's works I bet you can enjoy the feast. Anyway, if you are stuck at home because of a rainy day or (corona these days) a good choice to kill some time with mindless fun.

I'm a big Lovecraft fan, trouble is very few movies based on his works are even remotely loyal and this right here isn't either.

In fact the movie has absolutely nothing to do with Cthulhu, at all! A gang take the wrong people hostage and all hell breaks lose, nothing original here but nothing too offensive or clichéd either.

Sadly the movie falls apart at the end which is a shame because with a decent finale it wouldn't have been "That" bad.

I was astounded how low it's IMDb rating was and can confidently say it doesn't deserve it. It's not great, but it isn't terrible either.

If you want a decent movie based on Lovecrafts works then, well you're kind of out of luck as I'm not sure I've seen one. Necronomican (1993) isn't awful I suppose.

If I were to make a Cthulhu movie you know what I'd have in it? CTHULHU! I'd make him all big and scary and resist the urge to use his tentacles inappropriately! I've watched a bit too much Japanese anime lately, if they ever make a Cthulhu movie it'll involve school girls and a definite R rating.