Legend of the Roller Blade Seven

This film is dire. In fact, not even that is an accurate description of how bad this film is. How anyone survived it is beyond me. The acting is atrocious, the dialogue is meaningless, and the film makers have decided that some shots are so good that we have to see them several times over (especially the last ten minute repeated scene). Why, is a mystery as the shots aren't even any good.

If this film was sold as an introduction to how to make bad films, then all well and good, but even then it is dire. Even the name, The Rollerblade 7 (as sold in the UK) is meaningless as there are never 7 rollerbladers in one shot.

Avoid at all costs, because when I say that it is the worst film I have ever seen, I mean it, and I have seen a few!

I have been lucky enough to view copies of both LEGEND OF THE ROLLER BLADE SEVEN and the version which was released in Europe ROLLER BLADE SEVEN. Though the have an apparently similar source, they each have footage which is not seen in the other version. All I can say about these two films is that anybody who doesn't like them knows nothing about filmmaking. The visual scope, camera work, and editing of these features is masterful and the acting and dialogue were obviously created with Pure Art as a source point. These films are revolutionary and will no doubt be studied as true masterpieces of filmmaking by film students in the future. They are like a 90 minute music video. All I can say, if you can find them - WATCH THEM!

If I told you anything about this movie, I'd have to steal the Dave Barry line "I am NOT making this up..." It is that ridiculous. If you enjoy laughing at bad movies with your friends, get Rollerblade 7.

Why let those two robots in the front row have all the fun?

I had the feeling after I watched this collection of camera shots with some dialogue thrown in that I had just been sleeping through a nightmare. People come in and out of shots for no reason, people are killed and return and there is a cut of a little dog at the end for no apparent reason.The dog does the best acting job, by the way. William Smith, who is one of my favorite actors, looks and sounds like he is recovering from a serious illness. The guy who plays Hawk might be the worst actor ever, except for the guy who plays the priest. Hawk is supposed to be a great martial artist. You could have fooled me. My favorite part is when the actors started talking like Bullwinkle. This collection of shots ( I refuse to call it a movie )is the worst thing I have ever seen involving known actors. Don Stroud and Karen Black should pack it in.I have a problem thinking that anyone got paid to do this.At the end there is a character resembling a cross between a yellow M&M and the The Elephant Man. Enough said!

We knew that this was going to be a bad film. We watched it with full expectation that we would laugh at its inadequacies. I could not remember laughing so hard at a movie. My friends and I bonded closer together that day when we watched this film. How can you not laugh at such dialogue as "You're going into the wheel zone? There is so much danger!" "So much danger?" "So much danger!" "So much danger?" "So much danger!" and later, "A gift, from the Master of Light Institute! The sacred samurai sword!" "Thanks, Father Donaldo." "It has a lot of killing left in it... go in peace!"

I nearly busted a gut laughing at the comical sword play, the aforementioned dialogue, the scene repetitions, the penchant of many of the actors and actresses not to wear pants, and the overall strangeness of the film. I can see how a lot of things could be symbolic, but to us who do not possess the inside knowledge of the underground film industry, we will never understand the message the director is trying to babble across, and will keep having reactions such as this. I'm certainly going to look at the other two RB7 films from 1991 and 1993 now.

To all the "High Art" folks out there. Please continue to make movies such as these. They may be stirring, inspirational, paragons of genius to you; to me and my friends, they're funnier than just about every mainstream comedian I can think of. Thank you. :-)