Frozen Assets

In 1992 this was the first movie that I worked in as a background artist. As Corbin Bernsen blew take after take and could not remember his lines or keep them consistent I could tell this film was not destined for greatness. I must say though as bad as the movie was I did find myself chuckling at some of the humour. My father wanted to leave the movie theater after my scene was over but I convinced him to stay to see it through. Soon I will finally own a copy of this film on VHS, all the local Oregon video stores have reported their copies missing or "stolen". Probably by other Oregonians who were in the movie and didn't want it to be seen by the masses.

Lots of laughs here. The snobs have rated this movie low but they have no sense of humor. The story line is only so so but there is a laugh at every turn. Everything from prostitutes going on strike because the men are all saving up their sperm for a contest to the misadventures of a bank president who doesn't know that the bank he will be running is a sperm bank. Some low brow puns, but they are all funny. This is the movie that made Larry Miller a star. In fact, he was the unexpected star of the movie. He participated in rewriting his own lines and acted with perfection. Also of note is the outrageously funny performance of Dotie Goodman.

You will laugh your assets off at the freezingly funny feature! Shelley Long (the original Ice Queen) and Corbin Bernsen (the original Ice Regent) are an asset of a pair of sperm-cross'd lovers in a small town where the men are men and the women are not. It's a kind of uplifting experience, but not recommended for those whose assets are hot, lukewarm, or just plain chilly. You just couldn't relate.

Truly a fun schmaltzy romantic comedy- not for snobs or those into avante-garde esoteric analytical movies. Hysterical plot involving good hearted prostitutes in a contest,including a romantic relationship between a biogenetic counselor and an aggressive newly assigned bank president. For those who want a light laugh without violence or nudity, this old 1992 film has so many laughs. The double entendres float throughout the script. Shelly Long has great charm. Comedian Larry Miller plays an endearing Newton who surprises us all at the charming end! Hopefully they make this old video into a DVD and make it available on Netflix or Itunes. Ignore the snobby critics. This is a heart warmer, uplifting, a feel good movie. The values are socially redeeming. Refreshingly original. More people would give it a chance if they would ignore the constipated reviews from old Siskel and Ebert and their ardent followers.

This has to be in the running for the worst movie of all time. My roommate and I just watched it, but don't know why; it was so painful. I wonder some times how movies like this make it in Hollywood. I honestly cannot think of a worse movie. Shelly Long sucks so bad in this movie that it makes her work in "Troop Beverly Hills" look like Oscar material. The chemistry between Corbin Bersen and Shelly Long was reminiscent of that time on Mister Wizard's World when he blew up his lab. And what was with Larry Miller??? Really, come on, people. Everything about this movie sucked, even the lighting! We will never be able to get back the last hour and a half of our life...never!