Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend

I know you should be forgiving of an indie. And I am. Believe me, I am.

So never mind the horrid soundtrack, if you can call it that. Never mind the locations are predictable, and the looping is off. Never mind that not all the girls are model quality--after all, they're taking their clothes off, aren't they?

What's unforgivable about this one is the way the director and cinematographer run out of ideas about 20 minutes in. So let's not consult a book or another movie for some ideas--let's just shoot some clouds, and cut away to them repeatedly. Going into a pharmacy and want to show time passing? Clouds. Changing locales? Clouds. Changing days? Hey, you guessed it-more clouds.

It's also not nice to stick your actors on the screen for 20 seconds and give them nothing to do. Our hero spends much of his time staring into a miasma just in front of the camera lens and then, getting a mysterious cue, begins his speech. Mind you, they didn't have a boom mic, so it's looped--and what's the point of leaving him there all that time before the VO begins? Does he not know how to read?

I won't spoil the ending for you, as god knows if you can make it to the end you deserve something, and there's little enough there. Suffice it to say that no one had any ideas for a fitting climax, and that's truly unfortunate in a soft-core porn film.

Pass on this one. Rent Performance again and see the flip side of this completely amateurish effort.

A fat, schlubby security guard can't get women to date him, so he sits around his apartment in his underwear watching porn channels. He branches out to hiring prostitutes, and soon ends up spending every last cent he has on them. I'd be lying if I said that this film isn't mostly a thin excuse to have half-naked women dancing on camera, but this extremely low concept, shot-on-video oddity derives more than a little charm from Marcus Templeton's funny, naturalistic performance in the lead. He's not exactly a good actor, but he has a lot of dialogue that he mostly delivers in narration, and he's funny and kind of appealing. Nobody else in the film is any good at all, but it's certainly not a complete waste of time.

There are so many great scenes in this movie. The drama that is the rise-and-fall of Marcus Templeton is engaging and believable; Andren Scott hits the nail on the head as the archetype of the good-natured, clueless, pathetic sap. Like Homer Simpson and George Costanza, everyone knows a Marcus, and will probably recognize a little bit of Marcus in themselves.

I can honestly say that this movie has some of the best tragically comic, pathetically poignant one-liners of any movie: "Can I at least touch your breasts? Well can I at least see them for a minute? Would you like to go home now?"

It's unfortunate then, that the bad scenes (i.e. the "sexy stripper" scenes) are so prolific and long. You will ask yourself "were hot girls really that lame and homely in the late eighties?" These seemingly never-ending, awkward strip teases will have the whole room uncomfortable, and the god-awful, noodle-doodle electric guitar accompaniment will serve to heighten the pain.

But then again, that's what the remote control is for...

Comedy about a very pathetic lonely guy that blows all his money on porn and eventually hookers, you won't believe how sad this guy's life becomes. It becomes so sad it's funny and that was intended. We get a real sense of "the day in the life" of a guy who's a true loser with women as the main character narrates his mundane antics in such a mundane voice. The humor gets pitch black and sleazy at moments, like an uncensored episode of "Married With Children". Best part of the movie is the soundtrack and the guy eating beef jerky while watching cable porn. Some of the scenes where women strip kind of drag, but the killer soundtrack will occupy and entertain during those times.

A great party film! Everybody watching it shouts at the screen (does everyone know a guy like this who can't get a date?), they all seem to relate to the "hero" on some level. Of course, guys like watching the film because virtually all the women in it end up popping their tops. More importantly, the dialogue is very funny, and the characters are memorable to say the least.