Le port des filles perdues

You guessed it... .

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Frank Stallone.

All said and done it was entertaining at times and my first Frank Stallone feature, can't say It disappointed.

Here's a film that treads down pathetic waters. Two black sheep actors the more famous ones, big stars, see Frank Stallone, and Christopher Mitchum take on a sex trafficking ring. When you see these two black sheep actors act, it will have you asking why did you even bother, but the same question could be directed to the viewer of this pathetic b grader. The real stars must be embarrassed to have em' as actor brothers after seeing this. The only attraction is it's hot chicks and boobies. A hot heroin addicted pro, now the love of Stallone's life, is taken away, by some dudes who keep her drugged and a sexual commodity. How pathetic is this movie. It's is up there. The drugged dream sequence that has Stallone's woman, dreaming about her Prince Joe (Stallone) wanting her return is hot, when we see what she's wearing, truly a highpoint of this amateur muck. If you're the undemanding type, not too picky and like bad acting, where Stallone's brother here, will have you laughing at the resemblance, and that goes a bit for for the other one SH is for you.

When we first saw the cover of the VHS box for this film (aka Death Feud), my friend and I knew one of us was going to have to get it. I mean, where else will you find FRANK Stalone and CHRISTOPHER Mitchum together in one film? I won (er . . . lost?) and took the film home. And what did I find? Just what I knew I would: a cinematic wonderment full of horrible acting, a hole-ridden plot, laughable action scenes, and best of all, outright mistakes the makers of this gem were too lazy to reshoot. Among them: Stallone karate-chopping a dude and missing by a mile; a guy being dragged behind a truck who clearly whacks a parked car with his prone body as the truck makes a turn; and Stallone kicking in a hotel door that is obviously already unlocked and slightly ajar!

The two stars I've given this shoddy exercise in cinematic nepotism are both for Anthony Caruso, the great character actor whose career goes back 3 decades. His presence gives the movie its only good performance and its only touch of professionalism. Neither Stallone, Mitchum, nor anyone else in this sludge-fest is worthy of shining his shoes. Long live actors like Caruso! (No, not you, David!)

The above is the tag line on the front of the video box. Slight error, it should be 'together they are awful.' It's Stallone and Mitchum together in this film...sadly, it's Frank Stallone and Chris Mitchum...

Playing two sailors on shore leave, Frank falls in love with a hooker, who is then kidnapped by her pimp, then it's Frank and Chris to the rescue! Armed only with their mullets, they try and fail to reach the dizzy heights of barely competent in this bad revenge film.

Frank's acting style seems to consist of standing, legs slightly akimbo in a gunslinger stance and trying to look menacing. Frank would probably make a good minor heavy but he's not a leading man. The hookers keep telling him he is 'cute,' as if trying to convince us too. Yes, if you consider a rottweiler to be cute and cuddly.

You just haven't seen bad acting till you see Frank trying to emote over the supposed death of the woman he loved. Truly one of the most cringe worthy scenes in cinematic history. Perhaps this is what the video box back cover synopsis means when it says, 'all-action finale, the likes of which have rarely been seen on the screen.' For which we should be truly thankful, I think!!

As for Chris Mitchum, he seems to be just along to hang about in the local bar and ogle the dancer in a dull sub-plot about commitment. His father, Robert Mitchum, was never a great actor but he did have that illusive 'screen presence,' that a lot of movie stars possess. His son doesn't have this and is just an okay actor who's role here is just really a supporting one.

Overall a pretty bad film, full of poor acting, the leading lady actually makes Frank look good at times! Direction is static at best and the script is full of holes, with a credulity defying ending which is just tagged on to give the film a happy ending.

Avoid and spend time on something more interesting, like counting your toenail clippings.