- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: May the old devils depart! May they burn in the fires of their own damnation! May they freeze in the infinite golden darkness of their own hideous creation!
- Glen: Isn't that kind of insulting?
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: I guess it's supposed to be. I mean, we're trying to get rid of them.
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: We accidently summoned demons who used to rule the universe to come and take over the world.
- Glen: Yeah, we found out about it from, uh, one of Terry's albums.
- Glen: Well... ever since I burnt a hole in the roof my dad says I can't launch any of my rockets without supervision.
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Hey... I'll supervise.
- Al: Glen! Don't be embarrassed! Crying's nothing! Remember when Trevor Stubblefield pantsed me in front of the whole auditorium?
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Yeah! And I barfed on Steve Slavitt after the 12 minute run!
- Glen: No! Come back here! Take me instead! I'm next! Don't you want another sacrifice? Come back! Take me instead! Come back. Come back.
- Al: [to Glen and Terry] What are you doing?
- Lori Lee: Probably fagging off.
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Hey, what did you do to your face?
- [referring to the Lee sisters' facial treatment masks]
- Linda Lee: None of your beeswax, four-eyes.
- Glen: I think it's a definite improvement.
- Lori Lee: Eat your feet, dwarf.
- Glen: Suck my nose till my head caves in.
- Lori Lee: Why don't you grow up?
- Glen: Drop dead!
- Lori Lee: Up yours!
- Glen: Piss off!
- Al: Why don't you just shut up!
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: I think I know what all this means. You know, with the levitation and all that other weird stuff?
- Glen: What?
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: You got demons.
- Al: Are you sure we can get rid of them?
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Yeah. I've got all the spells and curses to banish the demons.
- Lori Lee: Demons? What kind?
- Glen: Don't ask.
- Lori Lee: [coming to after being unconscious] What the hell is going on?
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Somebody knock her out again.
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: [seated on front step of destroyed house] Think they'll notice?
- Glen: Gimme a break. You're my best buddies. Yeah.
- [last lines of movie]
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
- [lightning from pit intensifies]
- Terrence 'Terry' Chandler: Shit.
- [throws Bible in pit]