Cherry 2000

I can't fathom it.

I don't like either lead actor. The effects are cheesy and below "The A Team." The film doesn't paint in broad strokes; its message is slopped on with push brooms.

But doggone, I get a kick out of this thing everytime it airs.

Maybe it's the handful of stars and almost stars and the games of "Holy Cow! That's where they were then." Marshall Bell, Pamela Gidley, Griffith herself.

Maybe it's the camp, as if the producers knew that a Bruckheimeran picture was beyond them, so they reveled in their low budget and milked everything to the point that teenage boys (my age when I first saw it) can't quite be sure if this is straight or tongue-in-cheek. (The Self-Actualized Nazis of Zone 7, with their proto-New Age totalitarianism are a hoot. Give them more lines!)

It defies explanation, and I suppose it's the mystery that keeps me tuning in.

until I saw this film. It's absolutely hilarious. And Ben Johnson was just a treat. Melanie was never so pouty and sexy, but that Mustang she drove steals the show. A really underrated film with lots of very wicked things to say. This relates to Mad Max about like 007 related to spies or (Chief) Inspector Clousseau related to detectives. Well, it's not in the same class, but it takes a stab at camping the Road Warrior.

It is the future on earth where anything is possible: even robots that look, act and perform like humans and can do almost any task. High powered businessman Sam Treadwell (David Andrews) has a problem: his android model Cherry 2000 short circuited during some heavier than expected foreplay. After a brief trip to the repair shop; seeing some newer models he doesn't like and realizing that there is no hope of fixing his current model, he embarks on a treacherous trip into 'The Zone' to find an identical model. He hires the tough, very pretty and VERY heavily armed E. Johnson (Melanie Griffith) as his guide. She along with her trusty modified Ford Mustang adapt themselves to the task. Tim Thomerson absolutely STEALS the show as the criminally insane, antagonistic, would-be crazy gang leader of the future who leads a rag-tag group of Rambo wannabees in various acts of military mayhem in his pursuit of these two protagonists. This one is not to be missed and should be added to everyone's library of classic B movies in DVD or video tape format!!!!

"Cherry 2000" was a huge commercial failure and it's hardly ever mentioned today, but I found it surprisingly entertaining. Sure, the script is unimaginative and the film has no real vision and the action scenes are strictly routine, but the two leads are enormously, effortlessly likable. They make a deeply sweet pair. Maybe the film should have concentrated more on their love story and less on the familiar action aspects of the story. And the violence of a couple of scenes seems rather out of place. But even with its weaknesses, this movie is, fitfully, absorbing and very entertaining.

I will not attempt to describe this movie. It would be fruitless. You may at first be frustrated by the seemingly inept invocation of all the tried and true cliches of the "genre" - from Mad Max to its weirder post-apocalyptic cousins. But this is not Circuitry Man in reverse - it is much, much stranger. By the time the polka-dotted bikini-wearing ex-girlfriend of the hero is playing hostess at the disney-esque bubble-dome camp of the desert-dwelling homicidal outlaw gang... oh, never mind. By the way, Melanie Griffith was much better looking before lip surgery. Almost hot, in fact. But rest assured, this is a work of genius, exposing a deep understanding of the rift between genders during the height of the supposedly post-sexual-liberation 1980's, an almost sublime sense of humor about sexual alienation and most of all, the erotic link between women and cars in American culture is finally completely laid bare.

In fact, this movie is so profoundly subversive that it could only be made under cover of shlock. Do not be fooled by what seems like coke-addled acting and tourette-syndrome editing. This film is high art. Especially the part where the robot says "is that your hand?" Stay up late and watch it on TBS tonight! And take notes!