Allan Quatermain et la Cité de l'or perdu

Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone reprise their roles as Alan Quatermain and Jesse Huston in "KING SOLOMON'S MINES".

This time around, the quest is on to seek out a 'Utopian' society that has only been talked about, but never seen, hidden within a 'lost city of gold'. The 'lost city' is in fact just a small white-stucco duplex with three floors and a 'staircase' that is supposed to resemble that of a Mayan or Aztec temple and the 'gold' is nothing more than a big vat of brown water and tormented slaves dragging around pallets of gold Styrofoam blocks.

The good 'inhabitants' of this city are mainly fair-haired white folk with a handful of Africans wearing white robes, held under the tyranny of Henry Silva who is absolutely hilarious portraying a gold-infatuated crackpot who goes by the name of 'Agon' while donning ridiculous ceremonial robes and laughable KISS wigs.

Most hilarious are Cassandra Peterson (a.k.a. Elvira) as Silva's evil hench-woman and Aileen Marson who spends what little time she has on-screen wearing outfits and hair-styles suitable for an episode of 'DYNASTY'.

Chamberlain and Stone both know how ridiculous the script is, but make the most out of it with their antics and C-Grade acting methods. It is Silva who actually makes this movie work. His appearance alone is hysterical, the 'chariot' scene has to be seen to be believed. Most embarrassing is Robert Donner as 'Swarma', a sleazy filthy Indian fakir whose accent is more laughable than Will Ferrell's in "AUSTIN POWERS" as Mustafa.

A surprising and miscast addition to the series is James Earl Jones as legendary African warrior Umslopogaas (think of Grace Jones in "CONAN THE DESTROYER" as Zula). He has one good scene where he 'destroys' a sacrificial table with his axe, and that is about it.

Some other hilarious scenes to look out for would include Chamberlain blowing up a stone bench with a stick of dynamite and Silva being 'covered' in gold. Actually, it looks like he gets a bowl of gold porridge dumped on his head, and the next scene he is a gold statue (LMAO!).

Yes, "THE LOST CITY OF GOLD" is a turkey, but it IS darn hilarious! While there are no scenes of John Rhys-Davies spouting hilarious dialog such as, "I shall crush your eye like a grape", we do have Silva delivering new lines such as "Alle-gleeeee-aaaaah!". Cirque De Soleil, take a note!

I don't know why I like this movie so much. I saw it when I was a kid in the 80's and I laughed till it hurt, and I just watched it again this afternoon and got the same reaction. Trust me, there aren't too many movies out there that can still make me do that.

While this movie is not as good as "KING SOLOMON'S MINES", I still enjoyed it all the same. If it weren't for its dismal performance at the box office, I am sure a third 'adventure' would have been created to complete this trilogy, a C-Grade homage to Indiana Jones.

So to all you serious movie buffs out there - this movie is silly and makes no excuses for its actions. Just kick back and enjoy the hilarity, because I can guarantee you that this movie WILL make you laugh!

My Rating - 6 out of 10

Richard Chamberlain. Sharon Stone? James Earl Jones?? Cassandra "Elvira" Peterson??? Filled with laughs--some even intentional--and thrills--such as when the title card reads "The End". From Cannon Films, the house that Chuck Norris built. Strictly for those who enjoy such B-movie schlock, as I do.

Fun facts!... and opinions.

• Martin Rabbett, who played Quatermain's brother in the film, was actually Chamberlain's partner at the time (and for many years after). I didn't know this while watching the movie, but when the two finally meet up in the third act it's pretty clear Chamberlain has more chemistry with Rebbett than Sharon Stone.

• The music is essentially cut and pasted from the score Jerry Goldsmith did for the previous film, King Solomon's Mines. It's pretty obviously so at times, but the music itself is fantastic.

• It's more than a little painful to watch a dignified actor like James Earl Jones have to slum his way through thankless roles like these.

• Speaking of JEJ, during one scene his character is being mauled by a lion, and I'm %97.8 sure that his too obvious stunt double is Patti LaBelle.

• There's actually a character billed as "Toothless Arab". Funny thing is, that's like maybe only the 10th most politically incorrect thing in this movie.

"...makes Plan 9 from Outer Space look like Citizen Kane...(?)" C'mon. A bit of hyperbole now and then is OK but this comment is a bit overdone. Hey, I liked this movie. Dumb? Yep. Lousy script. Yep again. I would guess that H. Rider Haggard would be rolling in his grave at the considerably less than good job they did on this one. Is it dog? Likely. I think that not only James Earl Jones did it for the paycheck. I think Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone and Henry Silva did it for the paycheck too. But, then Chamberlain made the Towering Inferno, which was not only bad but boring, in which he played a bad guy. But, seriously folks, getting back to this amusing remake of King Solomon's Mines, you can't take this film seriously. Too bad, though. Being one who loves costume dramas, the script does leave some talented people with little to do but try and keep a straight face while stumbling through the action. Check it out for yourself.

If you go into Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold expecting anything more than a silly, cartoonish far-fetched piece of fun, then you will have a bad time.

Many of the reviewers count the style AGAINST the film, but that is the whole point of it. It isn't Citizen Kane, and that's a good thing!

This is the kind of film where you can momentarily disconnect your intellect and simply enjoy the absurdity you're witnessing. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy a thought-provoking bit of cinema as much as the next person, but I don't need that in order to enjoy a movie.

Quatermain is what it is: a fun time.

There's bad movies, and then there's bad movies. And "Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold" fits in the B-movie criteria! Richard Chamberlin and Sharon Stone, before she was even a well-known actress play the protagonist explorers in Africa trying to look for Allan's lost brother and some treasure. Along the way the encounter savage natives and just the whole concept is just to embarrasing to explain! Even Richard Chamberlin and Sharon Stone looked embarrased to be in this movie! Guess they were just trying to earn a buck. This movie was even disliked by critics! Who could blame them?

This movie is great to watch with friends, that is if you want to do an MST3K thing while watching it. This movie should be listed in every B-movie book out there! It's so laughably stupid that it's a good movie to mock or induce vomiting whichever comes first! The title ought to be, "Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Quaaludes"!