The Patriot

Thieves steal a nuclear warhead from the American military. An ex-serviceman - who doesn't play by the rules - is called back into service to retrieve the missile.

This 80's action movie was directed by Frank Harris who also gave us Killpoint (1984). Both films are pretty shoddily put together, although Killpoint just shades this one in terms of entertainment value. Still, I have to say that for the most part I found The Patriot to be adequately okay in a time-passing sense. Its story is both simple yet confusingly told. But it still essentially manages to string together a series of action scenes that justifies its existence. It's also one of those movies which imply that acts of international terrorism involving high risk theft of nuclear weapons could possibly be carried out by disco dancing dunces who appear to possess the IQ of an Alsatian dog. Although this film also puts forward the idea that the American government would hand in a nuclear warhead to a shop to be mended! The cast is led by a guy called Gregg Henry who spends the entire time scowling at everybody and everything, Stack Pierce from Killpoint returns here as a genuinely evil looking dude, while there are a couple of small roles from name actors Leslie Nielsen (in a surreal comedy-free cameo) and Michael J. Pollard plays a character whose relevance to the story I am still trying to work out. On the whole, this is not very good but it is what it is.

Starring the most ludicrous, unlikely 'leading man' - Gregg Henry - 'The Patriot' (not to be confused with any other 'The Patriot') is an oaf-heavy 1980's big-hair blow from start to finish.

Gregg's a mean-ass, biker/military type, who just happens to pop in for a beer at the same bar a gang who've just stolen two hydrogen bombs are at . .

Looking uncomfortably tough/camp in his leather jacket, and bovine from the neck up, Gregg quickly gets involved in terrorism and action. Mightily duff one-liners, scowling and Leslie Nielsen cameos hindering him not one jot.

Ratatat . . . Boom !!

Nothing to see here, ppl.

...as THE PATRIOT, a former Navy SEAL, now turned biker, who is called upon by his old pals in the Navy to help stop evil underwater smugglers, who are stealing nuclear weapons and use them for bad purposes (as if there were any good purposes anyway).

Now, while most people don't know who the heck Gregg Henry is, some of you might remember him as the main bad guy villain from "PAYBACK", which coincidentally starred "the other Patriot", Mel Gibson (so that movie was unofficially "The Battle of the two Patriots"). In that movie, Henry was really doing what he does best, which was being a unsympathetic number one A-hole (he also played similar A-hole roles in "SLITHER", "BALLISTIC" and "BODY DOUBLE"). In this movie however, he's our main hero - the guy we're supposed to root for and identify with - and he actually succeeds by mere default, as all the other (male) characters in this movie are either sleazy scumbags, stupid criminals, military personnel, or simple retards. So, unless you're a woman, or rooting for Admiral Frazer (played by Leslie Nielsen in probably his *least* funny role ever - and also one of the smallest roles ever, only getting two short scenes), then Lieutenant Matt Ryder aka The Patriot is your guy.

The female lead, Sean, is played by Simone Griffeth, whom most of us probably only know from "DEATH RACE 2000" where she played Annie "Paine" Smith, and after that he career slowly but surely faded away, this movie being one of the final nails in the coffin, even though she actually did a good job here, playing a woman torn between two men - the other one being navy-guy Mitchell, played by the crazy-lookin' Jeff Conaway (from "TAXI" and "CELEBRITY REHAB"-fame), probably during his mid-80s substance abuse period, as he looks strung-out throughout the entire film.

Ryder and Sean go out to sea to hunt down the bad guys, with only the assistance of their helicopter-pilot pal Kenwood (Mike Gomez, "Cojones" from "HEARTBREAK RIDGE"), and loony buddy Howard (Michael J. Pollard of "BONNIE AND CLYDE"-fame), who is only in a handful of scenes, and randomly disappears before the great raid at the end, not to be seen or heard from again. I've no idea why he got 3rd billing in this movie, as his role was so short and completely redundant.

The bad guys are a mixed bag of nuts, not really led by anyone it seems (but we find out in the end who their "leader" supposedly is). The 2nd hand man is a bad-ass mo-fo played by Stack Pierce (who was a regular in other Frank Harris'-movies, and also got a nice part in "WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S II"), who has two simpleminded henchmen, Pink (played by Glenn Withrow, who's probably the least successful actor from "THE OUTSIDERS") and Bite (Larry Mintz aka 'Knobby' from "BURGLAR"). Also among the bad guys is a lunatic who goes by the name "Eight Ball" (played by Anthony Caldarella, who hasn't done anything memorable apart from this turkey), who mostly just stands around with his hands in his pockets, angrily staring at Ryder and making crude remarks for no apparent reason, until the end where they have a big showdown on the oil rig, where most of the action takes place.

Anyway, if you like this movie, you may also enjoy other Frank Harris-directed action-flicks, like "LOW BLOW" or "KILLPOINT", who along with this movie all are available in a DVD-box set called "10 MAXIMUM ACTION MOVIES", where I got it from.

I give it 5/10 because it was neither the worst b-movie I've seen, nor was it one of the best, but the action was decent, and the actors were interesting cast, so it was a good enough time-killer for me.

It's not a 1, because you can't help but laugh at its lethargic plot hilarious 'characters' and woeful acting. Its ability to successfully not explain anything at all is a miracle of its own right, nevermind the stupidity of the badguys (hard of hearing too).

Fight scenes are ineptly shot, the underwater combat is just plain confusing as you can't tell who you're looking at during any one sequence (plus lovely editing means you're never sure if it's 3 seconds or 3 hours later).

Ah, terrible, so very very terrible. If this ever received anything other than the "Straight to Video" treatment then I'd be very surprised.

"A Fight For Freedom On The Ocean Floor!" When smugglers sneak into a nuclear storage facility and steal some nukes, only one man can stop them: ex-Navy SEAL and Vietnam vet Lieutenant Matt Ryder (Henry). Back in 'Nam he was known as "The Patriot". He assembles a team to help him, which includes Howard (Pollard) and Kenwood (Mike Gomez). The top Brass, Admiral Frazer (Nielsen) and Commander Mitchell (Conaway) oversee Ryder, who is one bad dude with an attitude. He wears his shades and rides his Harley to bars and picks up chicks. Will Ryder be able to stop the smugglers? Somehow this movie manages to fill up 90 minutes with not very much happening. There are only mere strands of a plot with some filler in-between. Sure, there are some familiar faces, which is nice, but it's not enough. NOT ENOUGH HAPPENS! However, if you want to see Michael J. Pollard play Twister with a cheerleader you can see it here.

There's a Barfight at The Chili Factory (that should have been the title for this movie, come to think of it) which is pretty lackluster, like the rest of this dull film. The dummies that steal the nuke, the guys that look like David Spade and Andre Agassi, are so dumb, it's hard to believe that A. They could break into ANY kind of facility and B. That they are a serious threat - so the movie has no suspense. The bad guys just dance around to the song "Dance the Night Away" by Randy and Liz Jackson. They're not exactly Ahmadinejad.

The babyish, cackling Pollard is always nice to see, as was Leslie Nielsen in a serious role. It was before he was typecast as a wacky comic actor. It's hard to believe, in 2010, that there was ever a time before Wrongfully Accused (1998) and 2001: A Space Travesty (2000), but there it is for the world to see. There was a scene with just Henry, Nielsen and Conaway in a room talking, which was cool, but it could have been awesome if there was some tension or fireworks.

The action largely takes place on an oil rig, and has to do with explosions. Is BP aware of this? It's almost eerie to watch. Almost. Technical notes: John Barrett of American Kickboxer 1 (1990) and Shootfighter (1992) fame and Kane Hodder of Friday the 13th fame are listed as Stuntmen. The screenplay was co-written by Katt Shea Ruben of The Devastator (1985) fame.

In all, this bland film could have used MORE - more action, more tension, more violence, more edge, more Nielsen, more ANYTHING! It's not BAD per se, but despite the good cast, The Patriot is, sadly, lacking.

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