Necropolis

My review was written in May 1987 after a screening at Liberty theater on Manhattan's 42nd St.

"Necropolis" poses the thorny question: how does Empire pictures' brass decide which of their films will be released theatrically? This meager, N. Y.-lensed effort is far below the level of quality of several of Empire's recent direct-to-video releases, yet it popped up unannounced on 42nd Street on a triple bill to bore the pants off a horror-hungry audience. Home viewers at least will have a fast-forward option.

By an unfortunate application of the Peter Principle, erstwhile bit player LeeAnne Baker graduates to a leading role here, sashaying trashily through "Necropolis" as a 300-plus-year-old devil worshiper, preying upon New Yorkers to suck out their lifeforce. It seems, per a ludicrously cheap prolog set in New Amsterdam in 1686, that she was interrupted in a satanic ritual and must now complete it in order to obtain eternal lif for herself and a grisly bunch of ghouls. Most interesting gimmick is an Ed French makeup effect giving Baker three sets of breasts with which to sucklethe ghouls with the genre's requisite (ever since "Alien") daily requirement of KY jelly.

Al Pacino-lookalike Michael Conte unconvincingly plays the cop on the case, while British-accented Jacquie Fitz is a bland heroine and William K. Reed the neighborhood black reverend, ever ready with a set of wooden crosses to stake Baker and her ghouls.

Campiest material has b aker, looking hideous with short-cropped platinum blonde hairdo, eyelids covered in black, garbed in trashy black outfits emulating Vanity and Madonna, doing exotic dnces by herself without warning. Under Bruce Hickey's limp and static direction, even this isn't funny on a camp level.

A few moments of creativity in an otherwise terrible film.

First and foremost, this is a bad movie.

However, there were a couple nice moments like cutting between the Christian wedding and the Satanic ceremony. There is also a fun special effects moment where the witch feeds the undead ectoplasm.

But the acting is terrible. The cinematography is terrible. The "action sequences" are so, so, very bad.

At the end of the day, you should skip this one.

Yes, we know it's a bad movie. It's a film called Necropolis that doesn't focus on a graveyard!

However, how many films have a six-breasted witch wet-nursing zombies with ectoplasm? This mid-range b-movie clunker's good for providing a mild chuckle or two, particularly for the "satanic" interpretive dance numbers.

This is nowhere near as painful as TROLL 2 or MANOS, not that that should be a recommendation. Once upon a time, people - read teenagers - used to rent low-grade horror for the t&a and softcore sex.

As cheese it's quite piquant, but I wouldn't call it the stinkiest of cheese, we're talking mediocre awful at best. For film masochists like myself, it's just barely a diversion that you'll probably forget most of after the second beer.

New Amsterdam, 1686: evil witch Eva (LeeAnne Baker) interrupts the marriage of Dawn (Jacquie Fitz) and William (Michael Conte), psychically summoning the virgin bride to a Satanic altar to be sacrificed in a ritual that would grant Eva eternal life. Dawn's throat is cut, but before the ceremony can be completed, Eva is killed by priest Henry (William K. Reed).

300 years later, and Eva, reincarnated as a peroxide-blonde punk biker chick with bad make-up, proceeds to suck the life energy from unfortunate New Yorkers to feed to her mouldy zombie acolytes (via her three sets of ectoplasm-oozing tits!); once fully revived, these manky minions seek out the reincarnation of Dawn, so that the witch can finish what she has started. Can Italian cop Billy and do-gooder Rev. James, the 20th century reincarnations of William and Henry, prevent her from succeeding?

Six breasts are better than two, as the old saying goes, but even with its triple-chested, zombie-suckling witch bitch, Necropolis proves to be a frustratingly dull slice of 80s schlock horror, with a dreadful script and uninspired direction from Bruce Hickey, and dire performances all round. There are, of course, a few giggles to be had from the sheer ineptitude of proceedings—Baker's embarrassingly bad impromptu interpretive dance routines are good for a laugh, as is the bloody decapitation of a zombie that continues to scream long after his noggin has gone—but when you're not sniggering, you'll probably be yawning.

3.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to four for IMDb.

This movie is about a witch that comes back 300 years later and dominates people by using mind control ideas into making people commit murder and suicide. This movie is awful, cheezy dance moves that aren't even fit for the oldest disco club in the world, cheap makeup that makes even the 80's version of Barbie look more attractive and fake rubber looking boobs. Need I say more, this movie is just plain terrible.