Elves

My review was written in January 1990 after watching the movie on AIP video cassette.

Boasting one of the nuttiest premises in recent fantasy film history, this direct-to-video release is an easy-to-watch spawn of the success of "Gremlins".

Proper title would be "Elf" rather than "Elves", since low-budgeter coughs up only one puppet creature. Impossible-to-swallow plot hook is that a group of neo-Nazis, living in Colorado Springs (!) is planning a Fourth Reich based on mating an elf with a special virgin girl to create a new master race.

Supposedly those mystical Nazi scientists during World War II stored the genetic information in a two-foot tall elf, awaiting their big chance. Borah Silver plays Grandpa, a Nazi who impregnated his own daughter (Deanna Lund) to produce a supposedly perfect offspring, lovely Julie Austin, who's poised for the grand experiment that has to take place on Christmas Eve.

Dan Haggerty plays a down-on-his-luck security guard working as a department store Santa Claus (!) who tumbles on to the weird scheme and strives to save Austin and the world. Open ending predictably is a shot of the etus, a result of a puppet raping her (!).

This sounds silly and is, though director Jeff Mandel manages to keep things interesting despite the hokum. The incest subplot is handled quite well for dramatic impact, and the effects, designed by VIncent J. Guastini for Fantasy Workshop, are okay. Script is not above making fun of star Haggerty's real-life problems, but he seems a good sport about it.

Acting is variable, with Austin's sympathetic performance the glue that holds one's attention. Lund, a former starlet familiar from Jerry Lewis films and tv's "Land of the Lost" series, is effectively cast against type as the mean mom/half-sister. Silver's accent as Grandpa is a joke and Allen Lee takes the student-acting booby prize as a goofball professor.

Let's face it, with a title like Elves I expected to see, well... elves. This movie should more accurately be called Elf. That's right, there is one, count him, ONE elf. I suppose Elves sounds a little more frightening than Elf, though not much. Picture a hoard of evil elves descending upon you - kind of scary as a large number of them may be able to overpower you or rip your limbs off. Now, picture what we get in the movie, one rubber elf mask permanently frozen with it's mouth open. As Count Floyd used to say, "oooooo, isn't that scary, boys and girls?..... well, isn't it?!"

When I mention the following things all in a movie, it appears that we should have a winner - Dan Haggerty, evil elves, nazi's, teenagers, and Santa. But Elves just doesn't really succeed in converting all that potential into something great or truly horrendous. Granted, there is high entertainment value in hearing Haggerty and the other characters say things like "I want to know the connection between the elves and the nazi's" or "Look man, I'm tellin' you what I saw, god damn it, I'm tellin' you I saw a two foot elf!"

There are really amusing things in the movie, often unintentional, but overall it's a disappointment.

Wow! I can't believe this movie exists. Just when I thought Chuck Norris was the worst actor ever, along comes Grizzly Adams. He is a department store Santa trying to stop a Nazi created elf from doing something. The elf is laughable. Characters come and go without explanation. The elf kills without explanation. Grizzly Adams acting defies explanation. The dialogue is priceless. This movie was delightfully bad. I highly recommend it. Rent it for a laugh.

No doubt about it, this is one piece of cinematic crap if there ever was one. But, it is likable in several respects. One, Dan Haggerty, he of golden mane (is it gold from all the cigarettes he smokes?) and large belly and beard. Two, the Elf doll is hilariously cheesy. It is like watching someone play with a toy. The thing must only have like one moving part. Three, the dialog is hilarious and the acting is horrendous. As a so bad its funny film, its definitely worth wasting an hour and a half on. But beyond that, this is really crappy. Even as a so bad its funny schlockfest, it could have been much better. It gets bogged down in an absurd conspiracy story about Nazis and the fourth Reich, so on. Although this retarded back story results in a great scene where a professor explains to Marlboro Man Haggerty ( actually they were Camels) the history of Nazis and elves at his Christmas dinner table. The name is false, as well, as there is only one elf.

I recently watched Elves (1989) on YouTube. The storyline revolves around a young lady with a troubled home who discovers she's at the center of a Nazi master plan to create the master race, somehow involving killer elves. To thwart this diabolical plan, she teams up with an unexpected companion-an unemployed mall Santa.

Directed by Jeffrey Mandel (Turnaround), the film stars Dan Haggerty (Abducted), Deanna Lund (Land of the Giants), Julie Austin (Twisted Justice), Borah Silver (Escape from New York), and Ken Carpenter (Hellraiser III).

This movie proves to be an uneven addition to the horror Christmas genre. While the storyline has a good setup and effectively evokes sympathy for Santa, the claymation and portrayal of elves fall short, lacking believability and impact in the kill scenes. The Nazi angle adds a unique blend of humor and sinister undertones. Dan Haggerty shines as Santa Claus, providing a character that's easy to root for, and Deanna Lund's performance adds smoking allure, particularly in the standout bathtub scene.

In conclusion, Elves is a must-see for fans of Christmas horror, with notable characters and an intriguing, albeit uneven, storyline. I would give it a 4/10 and recommend watching it at least once.