Elves

Wow! I can't believe this movie exists. Just when I thought Chuck Norris was the worst actor ever, along comes Grizzly Adams. He is a department store Santa trying to stop a Nazi created elf from doing something. The elf is laughable. Characters come and go without explanation. The elf kills without explanation. Grizzly Adams acting defies explanation. The dialogue is priceless. This movie was delightfully bad. I highly recommend it. Rent it for a laugh.

Let's face it, with a title like Elves I expected to see, well... elves. This movie should more accurately be called Elf. That's right, there is one, count him, ONE elf. I suppose Elves sounds a little more frightening than Elf, though not much. Picture a hoard of evil elves descending upon you - kind of scary as a large number of them may be able to overpower you or rip your limbs off. Now, picture what we get in the movie, one rubber elf mask permanently frozen with it's mouth open. As Count Floyd used to say, "oooooo, isn't that scary, boys and girls?..... well, isn't it?!"

When I mention the following things all in a movie, it appears that we should have a winner - Dan Haggerty, evil elves, nazi's, teenagers, and Santa. But Elves just doesn't really succeed in converting all that potential into something great or truly horrendous. Granted, there is high entertainment value in hearing Haggerty and the other characters say things like "I want to know the connection between the elves and the nazi's" or "Look man, I'm tellin' you what I saw, god damn it, I'm tellin' you I saw a two foot elf!"

There are really amusing things in the movie, often unintentional, but overall it's a disappointment.

The best thing about Elves is most definitely the plot. The acting is so-so, the elf itself (yes, there's only one elf) is OK but a bit cheesy looking when you get to see it. You don't get to see it very much sadly. I didn't really get bored whilst watching Elves, which I was thankful for. The bizarre plot keeps you wondering what will happen next, especially after revelations about in-breeding and Nazis. There is one hilarious line when the girls brother says "Is everything going to be alright?", to which she replies: "No Willy, granddad's a Nazi".

The main problem with Elves is that it doesn't really do much. Yeah, the plot is bizarre, but the film doesn't really do it justice. You don't get to see much of the elf, so really the film is more like a bizarre story being narrated by the characters, as opposed to an actual film.

I recently watched Elves (1989) on YouTube. The storyline revolves around a young lady with a troubled home who discovers she's at the center of a Nazi master plan to create the master race, somehow involving killer elves. To thwart this diabolical plan, she teams up with an unexpected companion-an unemployed mall Santa.

Directed by Jeffrey Mandel (Turnaround), the film stars Dan Haggerty (Abducted), Deanna Lund (Land of the Giants), Julie Austin (Twisted Justice), Borah Silver (Escape from New York), and Ken Carpenter (Hellraiser III).

This movie proves to be an uneven addition to the horror Christmas genre. While the storyline has a good setup and effectively evokes sympathy for Santa, the claymation and portrayal of elves fall short, lacking believability and impact in the kill scenes. The Nazi angle adds a unique blend of humor and sinister undertones. Dan Haggerty shines as Santa Claus, providing a character that's easy to root for, and Deanna Lund's performance adds smoking allure, particularly in the standout bathtub scene.

In conclusion, Elves is a must-see for fans of Christmas horror, with notable characters and an intriguing, albeit uneven, storyline. I would give it a 4/10 and recommend watching it at least once.

This schlock-ridden beauty is a christmas horror gem of the it's-so-bad-it's good variety.

The plotline is gold.

Nazis have genetically engineered the master race gene into elves buried in an american forest. The man behind this plot impregnated his own daughter, as part of a scheme to create the perfect human- specifically designed to procreate with these elves. Hence, his granddaughter is the focus of an ancient prophecy come to fruition...as she is to breed with the elf at midnight on christmas morning, to bring forth the antichrist and master race- who will rule over the entire world.

But she has no idea about any of this...until, well, her friends start getting murdered by nazi occult priests and the elf itself.

Up to this point, she's just a rad 80's chick, upset with the outrageousness of this square world...shooting the shit with her girlfriends and getting up to no good. At least when she's not working.

One night, she and her girlfriends break into the department store where she works. They plan to party...but are are interrupted with this whole fiasco, before they get a chance to let loose.

Now, her, Santa, and her little brother must take on and destroy the elf, before she gets raped and knocked up with the antichrist by it.

This film is cheesy as hell, but the elf is kinda cool (though, also totally lame), and its full of awesomely quotable one liners. There's even some tension in there! Meaning, it's pretty much everything you want in a christmas horror this holiday season.

Recommended.

6 out of 10.