They Call Me Macho Woman!

It's hard for me to give this movie a bad review. Yes, almost every aspect of the movie was done poorly. The story is dumb, the cinematography is crappy, the chases don't make any sense, and the acting is just terrible.

But despite all of this, the movie is just incredibly entertaining. Every time you see a boom mic, or a stunt double that is clearly a forty year old man and not the female lead, your soul smiles a little bit inside.

I would say that this is a better bad movie than the Rocky Horror Picture Show. While RHPS kinda drags in the third act, this movie remains entertaining throughout.

Don't go in expecting a masterpiece or even competence and you're in for a good time.

Susan (Debra Sweaney) is checking out some quite rural real estate with her wimpy real estate agent Cecil (Lory-Michael Ringuette) when they encounter Cocaine manufacturer Mongo (Brian Oldfield) who is a dead ringer for TV series Night Court's Bull (Richard Mull). Susan has a habit of escaping and then being recaptured by mongo's band of misfits lead by the mean diminutive Terk (Sean P. Donahue). Susan finds her inner MacGyver and creates a number of deadly weapons from items in an tool shed after a much needed afternoon nap. More importantly she loses her Sister wife's with shoulder pads outfit and shows off her impressive abs. Mongos Merry Men experience misfortune at the hands of Susan which adds up to an impressive kill count by the end of the movie. A very enjoyable "B" action flick with quite well placed humor and a genuinely scary physically imposing bad guy Mongo. The one misstep is the overbearing music score which is too loud and distracting at times This is a must see for for all "B" Action fans.

THEY CALL ME MACHO WOMAN! is another trashy low budget oddity put out by Troma, although this isn't one of their own films as it lacks the bizarre stuff and the humour that typifies a true Troma-made film. Instead it's a cheesy, low rent action film shot in the Santa Cruz mountains in California. Director Patrick G. Donahue made a quartet of similarly-themed action/revenge movies over the course of a decade or so and obviously had a thing for the genre.

Sadly, despite the outlandish title, this is very much par for the course as these things go. The plot is repetitive and merely consists of our heroine being repeatedly captured by the bad guys, managing to turn the tables and escape, only to repeat the scenario again. There is a kind of momentum that sees the story through on occasion but the lack of budget means that this is a cheap adventure indeed. The occasional gore effect is well achieved although limited in scope.

The cast members are probably the worst thing about this film as all of the assembled actors give non-performances. It comes as little surprise that lead actress Debra Sweaney was never heard of again. Hulking villain Brian Oldfield was a real-life shotput champion, if you can believe. Welcome to the world of low-budget filmmaking!

This is one of my favorite bad movies. Yes it's badly made, but it's such a fun movie. I was never bored at all while watching it. In my opinion, this has "cult flick" written all over it. My only gripe is that the main character should've been recast and the axe was way too brand new and shiny-looking all the time, but still it's not that big a deal in a movie like this. There's a brief impressive stunt involving a car and a character that very well-done, and you rarely see that in movie like this, not to mention in the rest of the film, period. I love this flick, and I've actually bought it for 2 of my friends, and they loved it, too. Maybe you have to be a bad-movie-troll like me to appreciate movies like this. I'm picky, even with bad movies, but this flick is a real gem to me.

City girl Susan Morris (Debra Sweaney) and her Realtor head down a country road to check out some property, but run afoul of Mongo (Brian Oldfield) and his drug peddling gang. Like any good movie villain, Mongo can't let them live and Susan endures a long series of chases, captures and escapes before she puts her foot down and fights back RAMBO-style. Wielding two axes, a whip and some nine inch nails, our heroine takes out the crew of 80s looking thugs.

If I whisper "Joseph needs you" in your ear and it gets you all excited, then you need to see SAVAGE INSTINCT. Director Patrick Donahue delivered the bad-yet-amazing actioner KILL SQUAD in 1982 and this was his sophomore feature, which is just as goofy. Sweaney is a terrible actress and her transformation is about as convincing as Olivia Newton-John's in GREASE. There are some good stunt bits (the Donahues always deliver in that arena as co-star son Sean is also the stunt coordinator) but they are almost always undermined by some seriously wonky staging. Look for the scene where Susan escapes by running on top of the heads (!) of the gang and then adds insult to injury by flicking them off and grabbing her crotch. On top of this is some seriously priceless dialog. For example, Susan is saved by three partying dudes who don't heed her warning about the killers after her. Sure enough, the gang members kill the dudes and, while viewing their corpses, Susan says, "I bet you never listened to your mothers either." What?