Evil Altar

Evil Altar stars gravelly-voiced tough guy William Smith (The Ultimate Warrior) and the mighty-chinned hulk that is Robert Z'Dar (Maniac Cop 1, 2 & 3), but even these B-movie legends cannot save this dreadful mess of a movie.

Smith plays warlock Reed Weller, who needs to sacrifice 103 children in order to achieve full power; to this end, he sends an immortal 'collector' (Pepper Martin) to kidnap youngsters. When his son Troy (Marcus Chong) is abducted by the collector, big city lawyer Daley Long (Tal Armstrong) contacts Sheriff O'Connell (Z'Dar), unaware that the cop is in league with Weller.

The script for Evil Altar is full of hokey clichés and terrible dialogue, and director James Winburn handles matters with very little zest or innovation. The one scene that does display some energy is utterly ridiculous, as a young girl, Teri (Theresa Cooney), is menaced in her bedroom by a floating baseball - if there was more of this kind of totally inept lunacy, Evil Altar would be a lot of camp horror fun, but the majority of the film is just tired, predictable and boring, with both Smith and Z'Dar going through the motions for a paycheck.

2.5/10, rounded down to 2 for the really lame sex scene (blink and you'll miss it side-boob from hot blonde Connie Woods) and a missed opportunity for a splattery exploding head effect (when Daley puts his undead son out of his misery).

An evil Satanic occultist keeps the denizens and law enforcement of a small U.S. community in a stranglehold with his supernatural powers. He also regularly dispatches his hulking indentured drudge to abduct children so that they may be used as barter with the Devil.

A man and his son stop at a fuel station in said town, and quickly find themselves sucked into the mysterious local quandary. A search for the missing soon commences as the clock ticks away toward a scheduled blood rite...the sacrifice which will bestow the warlock with eternal life.

A barely commensurate product, EVIL ALTAR's base material is dull in the first place, and worse yet, it's given a stolid, roustabout production which lacks imagination and tenacity. This is cookie-cutter stuff which may be of menial interest to only the most cursive B-horror zealots.

3.5/10

Trying to rule the earth with dark powers never seemed quite popular. Not as awful as I thought it would be, but it still stinks! Crummy, cheap-jack and totally muddled covers the bases of this dank supernatural / occult 80's horror film starring the beefy, square-jaw Robert Z'Dar. No surprises. Its routine stuff (the usual small town secret) and the premise holds a nasty side to it, but director Jim Winburn's incompetently lazy and laboured handling brings it down. Atmosphere is non-existent, and suspense follows the same course that we're left with weak thrills coming off mostly droll. While it can be unintentionally funny, there wasn't enough of it to cover it. Special effects are little, but are gaudily executed. The lousy story doesn't come together, or even tie in that well with an endlessly moronic script of terrible dialogues and choppy editing with awful continuity. The high-strung music score telegraphs everything. There are actually one or two decent moments, and the grimy look works to its favour, as these things could make for campy fun, but it all comes off rather boring and worthless to care much.

When a horror film is as dull as this, I don't understand why they don't add a bit of blood for at least some minimal entertainment. Even if they had of used red paint, it would have been more interesting. As it is, Evil Altar is a deadly boring film that could have been good if directed properly. I mean come on, the plot involves abducting children for sacrifices, and yet there is virtually no gore or blood in this film! There aren't even any bare breasts. There is perhaps only one half-decent scene when a man is set alight and falls into a swimming pool, but apart from that the pace just plods along like a tortoise.

This is another 80's "horror" flick to be avoided, unless you're a die-hard collector.

Satanist Reed Weller (William Smith) need to get 103 children for sacrifice (the last one must be a virgin) so that he can become immortal. Trouble starts when Teri (Theresa Cooney) accidentally shoots and kills Weller's kidnapping henchman while hunting with her dad. D'oh! And he was so close as he was on body no. 102. But, since this is an 80s horror movie, it doesn't matter as Weller resurrects his helper and decides Teri will be the final sacrifice. This really drops the ball in terms of 80s horror as you have very little gore and no nudity. It actually reminds me of one of those cheap horror novels you would buy back in the day with a myriad of small town characters running around and somehow it all comes together. This was co-writer Brent Friedman's first screenplay and he went on to do quite a few horror films including the superior SYNGENOR, THE RESURRECTED, NECRONOMICON and TICKS. Superchin Robert Z'Dar is the small town sheriff under Smith's control and their scenes together seem to be a battle of who can deliver the raspier voice. Smith wins, we lose.