La dolce casa degli orrori

If you thought that Bob from The House By The Cemetery was the most annoying kid in Italian horror, wait until you see Mark (Giuliano Gensini) and Sarah (Ilary Blasi), the sickening siblings in The Sweet House of Horrors, a more irritating pair of brats it is hard to imagine. These kids attend the funeral of their murdered parents, but spend the whole time blowing bubbles with gum and giggling together. Their general lack of respect for adults continues throughout the film, the little darlings mocking an estate agent after he breaks his leg (chanting "Sausage is dying"), laughing hysterically when the same man scalds his hand, and generally being rude to their Aunt Marcia (Cinzia Monreale) and Uncle Carlo (Jean-Christophe Brétignière).

And it all starts off so well: in typical gory Fulci style, the kids' parents are bludgeoned to death after they disturb a burglar in their villa. The father has his head caved in against a marble pillar, his brains oozing from his skull, and the mother is hit over the head with a blunt object, causing her eyes to pop out of their sockets. Sadly, those who love Fulci's blood and guts approach to horror will be sorely disappointed by most of the rest of the film. Like many an Italian horror of the era, the plot for this supernatural made-for-TV movie makes very little sense, and the focus is on kiddie friendly scares rather than out and out splatter.

Unwilling to see their home sold, the spirits of the deceased parents appear to their children as floating flames. After the kids perform the traditional holiday ritual of the spirits (no, me neither) whilst wearing papier-mâché masks and candles on their fingers, they are finally reunited with mum and dad, who use their uncanny powers to ensure that the villa remains off the market. In the film's bonkers finalé, the ghosts stop the family home from being demolished by a mechanical digger (not a bulldozer, as one character calls it), Mark and Sarah find a pair of glowing rocks that they tuck into their pockets, and a medium screams in agony when he takes one of the stones and the flesh melts off his hand (causing the delightful kids to burst out laughing).

2.5/10, generously rounded up to 3 for the opening double murder, and the scene where a dog pushes the killer under the wheels of a lorry causing much damage to his torso. The worst horror film by Fulci, in my opinion, even more intolerable than Il fantasma di Sodoma.

I had the misfortune of watching this movie with an English dub which is awful. If you can, watch it in Italian. But the dub itself couldn't completely ruin a good movie, except "La dolce casa degli orrori" or The Sweet House of Horrors" isn't a good movie. This is a weird mix of the usual horror offering from Fulci and a slightly comedic family movie. Except from some passable music, a few (un)intentionally funny moments and a nice idea, there isn't anything all that good about this movie. It's watchable, I can say that, but it's a far cry from an entertaining movie or a hidden gem and if you're not a most hardcore Lucio Fulci fan, there is no reason to watch it. 4/10!

A couple moves into a nice country mansion to care for their niece and nephew after the children's parents are brutally murdered one night returning from a cocktail party. Strange things begin happening so the couple decide to take the children away and sell the house. But it soon becomes apparent that the house is full of spirits that are out for revenge and have some sort of connection to the kids.

This Lucio Fulci made-for-Italian-TV horror isn't one of his best to be sure but it does seem to have a bit of its own charm. The overall story is a bit nutty (a murder thriller with a supernatural twist) but I thought decent enough. The English dubbing was God awful as most of these imports tend to be so the acting comes off as uneven and even hilarious. But Fulci fans should check it out just because and those with a fondness for little cheesy a la Italiano might be interested too. 2 of 5

A couple is killed in an extremely sadistic way, but their souls return to their two orphaned children to caress them, to take revenge on the killer and to mock the relatives who want to sell the house and the one who wants to buy it respectively. Sounds odd for a Fulci movie, doesn't it?

And it really is kind of odd. It starts like a typical Fulci-gorefest with the murder scene which has to be seen to be believed, especially when one considers this one was made for TV. But after this unbelievably violent prologue, the whole thing turns into a fairy tale. There are even scenes that could come right out of a typical Italian slapstick comedy! So, "La Dolce Casa degli Orrori" is an extremely strange mix of genres, and most of the special effects are very cheesy, although the murder scene is outrageously disgusting.

It's not bad, but by far inferior to Fulci's other film in the four part TV-series Houses of Doom, "La Casa nel Tempo", which is terrific (the other two are by Umberto Lenzi and called "La Casa delle Anime Erranti" and "La Casa dei Sortilegi").

In my mind there's an eternal debate ongoing about who my favorite director of all times is. Mario Bava, ...or Lucio Fulci. Whenever I lean towards Fulci, I deliberately exclude some of the titles he directed in the final years of his career. "The Sweet House of Horror" is perhaps the worst, but it's still a genuine Lucio Fulci; - meaning there's extreme gore! And that is peculiar because it's made-for-television with a child-friendly plot.

The start is quite dramatic, with a happily married couple coming home from a night out and stumbling upon a violent burglar who murders them. Of course, in Fulci's world, this means that the husband repeatedly gets his head banged against a marble pillar until his brains are stuck to the wall, and the wife is bludgeoned with a kitchen object until her eyeballs pop out. Classy! The couple's children - Marco and Sarah - are supposedly heartbroken, but they blow bubblegum bubbles at the funeral and appear to be giggling the entire time. Auntie Marcia and Uncle Carlo take custody of the kids and move into their house, but the actual parents return as well, as ghosts and flickering flames, to punish their killer and to prevent their house from being sold.

The aforementioned kills, plus the nasty death of Guido under a truck and a bizarre melting moment during the finale, are the only highlights. The rest of the movie is almost painful to watch, with terrible acting (and even worse dubbing), especially the children. Fulci doesn't bother to keep the killer's identity secret for long, and he gets what he deserves after half a movie already. Why did he bother to wear a mask, anyway? The other half is stuffed with sentimental appearances of mum & dad, shenanigans with bulldozers and obese real-estate agents, and meaningless glowing stones.