Cold Feet

Is it because I am Old and Cheesy? Is it because I am a dyed in the wool Tom Waits fanatic? Or is it because the acting by Waits is nigh unto maniacal? The scene in the Stallion Registration Office will forever be etched on my brain. Any and all should see - nay, experience this movie.

The movie "cold feet" is a really lame, 1980's attempt at humour, wherein Tom Waits plays a murderer whom you're supposed to like. Because he cries, and plays with children. But, even his humourous ways and decent acting can't save this horrible, horrible movie. There are definitely some funny parts in this movie, but they're totally unintentional. Tom Waits fans can appreciate this, other than that... Nobody should see this movie. Ever.

This is a cheesy movie made abouts of the time Hollywood was running out of cheesy movies and entering the late 80s/early 90s realm of the truly horrible. You can see the degradation here but it's still quite obviously a true child of the 1980s.

I was flipping around on the telly when I came across this fine film. In the scene, a man was hanging out of the passenger-side window of a pick-up truck, traveling down a long desert road, doing sit-ups while shouting, "I'm a man!" over and over again whilst a family, in a station wagon, drove along side the truck looking on in slack-jawed amazement. You can't not love a scene like that. The man turned out to be Tom Waits, who really does steal the movie.

Basically, the story is the aftermath of another zany jewel heist caper with a number of even zanier characters. The main characters are a shifty cowboy (Carradine), his obsessed almost-wife (Kirkland) and their unstable hit man acquaintance (Waits). Waits' performance is over-the-top - which is really the only way to go in a cheesy 80s comedy - and saves the movie from mediocrity. It's a fun movie.

Laugh at the jokes, laugh at the circumstances, laugh at the movie, laugh with the movie, laugh on the inside ... it doesn't matter. If this movie can bring a little joy to the movie watching aspect of your life, isn't it worth the ride?

This started out as a great movie, but is a classic, classic case of an end-game botch job: The filmmakers simply could not figure out how to end this movie! It's *really* way, way too bad, because all the hard work setting things up deserved follow-through. I've never seen such a bold quality-related contrast in a movie.

I could almost recommend it in spite of this failure, simply because of the writing and character development. It's a fun movie in a number of ways.

I guess in the end I'll have to suggest you pass this one up.

Written by the tandem of Tom McGuane and Jim Harrison, this movie had fun written all over it from the start. Listen: Keith Carridine, Tom Waits, and Sally Kirkland hide some emeralds in a horse. The plot is to smuggle the emeralds into the US, kill the horse, and fence the emeralds.

Of course Carridine is the no-good brother of Bill Pullman, who ranches in Montana. And of course he doesn't want to kill the horse. And of course he double-crosses his partners.

That's it, really. Waits and Kirkland chase after him, and hijinks ensue.

Waits is particularly fun as Kenny, a sociopathic killer who thinks he's smarter than anyone else, and Carridine is just enough of a likable rogue that you can follow him through the movie without getting too angry with him. Add in Pullman (who appeared in just about every movie shot in Montana in the late '80s...my understanding is that he was teaching in either Bozeman or Missoula), and Rip Torn as the local sheriff, and you've got a fun, goofy movie that's harmless and has a truly inspired moment or three.

Worth a rent. Worth owning if you're a Tom Waits fan, as this is one of his more prominent roles.

Seven of ten.