- Cyn: Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will.
- Tess McGill: [to Katherine] Look, you, maybe you've got everyone around here fooled with this saint act you have going, but do not ever speak to me again like we don't know what really happened, you got me?
- Katherine Parker: Tess, this is business. Let's just bury the hatchet, okay?
- Tess McGill: You know where you can bury your hatchet? Now get your bony ass outta my sight!
- Tess McGill: Uhm... when I saw you in here on the phone with your feet up, I figured this was your office.
- Alice Baxter: [slightly embarrassed] I'm sorry about that, Ms. McGill. It won't happen again... ever.
- Tess McGill: It's O.K..
- Alice Baxter: Maybe now would be a good time to go over what you expect of me.
- Tess McGill: [clears her throat] I, uh, I expect you to call me Tess. I don't expect you to fetch me coffee unless you're getting some for yourself. And, um, the rest we'll just make up as we go along. O.K.?
- Alice Baxter: [smiling] O.K.. I'll be right outside if you need anything.
- [leaves Tess's office]
- Tess McGill: You can bend the rules plenty once you get to the top, but not while you're trying to get there. And if you're someone like me, you can't get there without bending the rules.
- Oren Trask: You've got a real fire in your belly, or was this just a one-time stunt that you pulled?
- Tess McGill: I'm not quite sure what you mean, sir. I've got something in my belly, but I think it's nervous knots.
- [Looking through Katherine Parker's wardrobe, reading price tag on a dress]
- Cyn: Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!
- Jack Trainer: You're the first woman I've seen at one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.
- Tess McGill: Thank you I guess.
- Mick: Tess, will you marry me?
- Tess McGill: Maybe.
- Mick: Ya call that an answer?
- Tess McGill: You want another answer, ask another girl.
- [in the bar]
- Tess McGill: I have a head for business and a body for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?
- Jack Trainer: Uh, no. No.
- [about Jack's chin scar]
- Tess McGill: How did you get the scar?
- Jack Trainer: Some guy pulled a knife in Detroit.
- Tess McGill: Really?
- Jack Trainer: No. No. I was nineteen and I thought it'd be cool to have a pierced ear. My girlfriend stuck the needle through and I heard this pop and fainted and hit my chin on the toilet.
- Oren Trask: Now get your - what was that you called it?
- Tess McGill, Jack Trainer: Bony ass.
- Oren Trask: Yes - your bony ass out of my sight!
- Katherine Parker: Ugh! What a slob.
- Tess McGill: You were so smooth with him.
- Katherine Parker: Never burn bridges. Today's junior *prick*, tomorrow's senior partner.
- Katherine Parker: I think he's going to "pop the question."
- Tess McGill: You do?
- Katherine Parker: I think so. We're in the same city now, I've indicated that I'm receptive to an offer, I've cleared the month of June. And I am, after all, me.
- Tess McGill: Well, what if he doesn't... pop the question?
- Katherine Parker: I really don't think that's a variable. Tess, you know you don't get anywhere in this world by waiting for what you want to come to you. You make it happen. Watch me, Tess. Learn from me
- Tess McGill: [pretending to be her boss] I know what I'm doing.
- Cyn: Yeah, screwing up your life.
- Tess McGill: No, I'm trying to make it better! I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life working my ass off and getting nowhere just because I followed rules that I had nothing to do with setting up, OK?
- Tess McGill: [on the phone] Cyn! Guess where I am...
- [giggles]
- Cyn: [stands up, screams to secretaries] She got out! Oh my god! I can't believe it, she's out - she made it out! She got out! She has her own office!
- Alice Baxter: Uhm, Ms. McGill?
- Tess McGill: Yes.
- Alice Baxter: [pointing to private office] That's your desk... in there...
- Tess McGill: I don't think so.
- Alice Baxter: Oh, yes. I sit out here.
- Tess McGill: Sorry, I thought the secretary would sit out here...
- Alice Baxter: That's right, I'm the secretary. If it's O.K., I prefer "assistant".
- Personnel Director: Tess, Tess, Tess, Tess. You don't get ahead in this world by calling your boss a pimp.
- Tess McGill: Well, he is.
- Cyn: [trailer] How 'bout you?
- Tess McGill: I'm flat broke, I'm crazy about a man that I will probably never see again...
- Cyn: Well, *besides* that!
- [Tess laughs sadly]
- [the morning after Tess passed out from drinking]
- Tess McGill: What did happen, exactly?
- Jack Trainer: The earth moved. The angels wept. The Polaroids are, are, uh...
- [gropes about in his coat pockets]
- Jack Trainer: are in my other coat.
- [Grins]
- Jack Trainer: Nothing happened. Nothing happened!
- [Upon reading Tess' day planner]
- Katherine Parker: Why that little - slut! Goddam, little bitch secretary!
- Tess McGill: [Mick has bought Tess some lingerie for her birthday] Y'know, Mick, just once I could go for like a sweater or some earrings... something that I could actually wear outside of this apartment?
- Personnel Director: Been lookin at your file here. This the third time in six months I had to place you.
- Tess McGill: Wasn't my fault.
- Personnel Director: Where've I heard THAT before?
- Tess McGill: Ruth, lookit - I'm thirty years old. Took me five years of night school, but I got my degree and I got it with honors; I *know* I could do a job. I mean, you ask any of my bosses - even, even Lutz! - if Tess McGill hasn't called a few.
- Personnel Director: YOU ask 'em. I don't think they're gonna sing your praises, Tess.
- Katherine Parker: My name is Katherine Parker, and I'm an associate partner in mergers and acquisitions at Petty Marsh, and this woman is my secretary.
- Jack Trainer: She's not!
- Katherine Parker: Oh, no? Ask her.
- Jack Trainer: You're not her secretary.
- Tess McGill: I can explain, Jack.
- Jack Trainer: [realizing it's true] Jesus. You are her secretary.
- Tess McGill: [her entry in the scrolling office marquee] DAVID LUTZ IS A SLEAZOID PIMP WITH A TINY LITTLE DICK
- Tess McGill: [after taking several shots of tequila, on top of Diazepam/Valium recommended by Cyn] Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... mmm...
- Jack Trainer: You ok?
- Tess McGill: Mmm. Fine. I took an "antihistamine" before and it makes for a nice little buzz.
- Jack Trainer: Oh? I didn't know they let bad girls into these things.
- Tess McGill: Shoot me, shoot me.
- Cyn: Will you cut that out, they didn't throw you out did they?
- Tess McGill: They don't exactly have bouncers at these things, they're a little more subtle than that.
- Tess McGill: Bob, you're not seriously looking for a new assistant, are you?
- Bob Speck: Well, not exactly at this moment, but I'm always on the lookout for new blood.
- Tess McGill: I'm hungry, Bob, but I am not that hungry!
- Bob Speck: I wouldn't put it that way.
- Tess McGill: I would.
- Jack Trainer: Well, gentlemen, the players may have changed but the game remains the same - and the name of the game is let's make a deal.
- Katherine Parker: So, Tess, a few ground rules. The way I look at it, you are my link with the outside world. People's impression of me starts with you. You're tough when it's warranted, accommodating when you can be, accurate, punctual, and never make a promise you can't keep. I'm never on another line. I'm in a meeting. I consider us a team. As such, we have a uniform: simple, elegant, impeccable. "Dress shabbily, they notice the dress. Dress impeccably, they notice the woman." Coco Chanel.
- Tess McGill: How do I look?
- Katherine Parker: You look terrific. You might want to rethink the jewelry. I want your input. I welcome ideas. I like to see hard work rewarded. It's a two-way street on my team. Am I making myself clear?
- Tess McGill: Yes, Katharine.
- Katherine Parker: And call me Katharine.
- Tess McGill: I was just reading a thing in W about this dim sum, these little Chinese dumplings. There's a restaurant on Mott Street that does them for cocktail parties.
- Katherine Parker: Oh, I just love those little dumplings.
- Tess McGill: It might be more fun than the usual tidbits. I have it on my desk. I could get it.
- Ginny: You read W?
- Tess McGill: I read a lot of things. I mean, you never know where big ideas could come from, you know.
- Ginny: Well, I guess you're right, if dumplings can be considered a big idea.
- Tess McGill: This isn't another setup?
- Lutz: Do I look like a pimp? Bob says he's looking for hungry, I think to myself, "Tess." The rest is up to you.
- Katherine Parker: I'd love to help you, but you can't busy the quarterback with passing out the Gatorade.
- Mick: Shit. Come on, Tess! I'm sorry! I really am! I love you! Come on! Come back and hit me! Please!
- Cyn: What is this thing you're going to, anyway?
- Tess McGill: A closing party for the Minadine-Dalton merger. Dewey-Stone's throwing it, which is where this guy Trainer works. It's a perfect time to meet him. Mix business with pleasure. Fringe times are crucial.
- Cyn: What'd you do? Snatch her invite?
- Tess McGill: Well, she can't use it. Besides it's important for me to start interacting with people, not as a secretary...
- Cyn: But as a total impostor. Right.
- Tess McGill: It's so exciting. I mean, she takes me seriously. I think it's because, I know you hate when I say this, but I think it's because she's a woman. There's none of that chasing-around-the-desk crap.
- Jack Trainer: Please, one drink.
- Tess McGill: Okay, one drink, but I'm buying.
- Jack Trainer: Okay, but it's an open bar.
- Tess McGill: Right. I knew that. I meant that if it wasn't, I would be buying.