Space Mutiny: La Guerre du futur

OK, folks! Don't worry, I won't be giving away anything important, although I don't think I could spoil this movie if I tried. So off we go...

As what sounds like Kintaro's arrangement of 'O Fortuna' wafts our way, we are subjected to the film's opening credits. They look like they were produced by a Commodore 64 and they freeze up more than once because there are too darned many moving objects on the screen.

Welcome to Battlestar Galactica-- I mean, the Southern Sun! This ship is home to an entire civilization, despite the fact that 90% of it appears to be a brewery. In charge of this magnificent flying basement is Captain Santa Claus, assisted by his Billy-Idol-wannabe sidekick. I've seen this movie at least a dozen times and still am not really sure what the plot is, but it has something to do with a greasy-haired guy named Kalgan trying to disrupt the transportation of a bunch of magical -- and (of course) extremely horny -- women. Santa puts our seemingly brain-damaged hero Ryder in charge of defeating Kalgan. Meanwhile Captain Santa's daughter Leah, who somehow doesn't seem much younger than the Captain himself, gets pretty chummy with Ryder. In the words of Crow T. Robot: "If you pretend you know what's going on, it's actually kind of exciting."

Watch and enjoy the following: Vacu-formed unitards, ridiculously small weapons, Santa's incredibly fake beard, tinfoil muu-muus, Kalgan's giggling fits, Ryder's bizarre reaction shots, a woman who punches in at work despite the fact that she was just murdered, Leah's sensual Dance of the Hoola Hoop, the most '80s bar scene EVER, women who reeeeeally like Van DeGraf Generators, countless shots of computer screens (graphics by Kenner), Ryder's attempt to say 'auxiliary', and numerous molasses-fast chase scenes involving golf carts... or floor waxers or something.

This movie is not campy; it's just that everything is wrong in all the right ways. Acting, sets, lighting, costumes, dialogue... they're all just plain goofy. These folks tried to make an exciting space-drama -- and maybe it would've been if they had dared to take ANYTHING up a notch -- but every aspect of it just says, "space movie" and nothing more.

If this movie was just plain bad, you might have to feel sad for the people that made it, thinking it would work. However, it makes such a leap into the ridiculous that you just have to laugh. A must-see for fans of so-bad-it's-good movies. And whether you love or hate sci-fi, this is a very funny movie.

I give it a 4 -- it may not affect you the way it's supposed to, but it's great entertainment.

Yeah, the film industry is not what is was when Ed Wood was directing, and B-movies don't get released in theaters anymore; but they do get released on video. And we should be glad that they do, at least in the case of Space Mutiny, 'cause it may be the single most unintentionally hilarious movie ever made. Don't believe me? Just take a look at these numbers:

# of times our ostensible "hero" screams in panic: 17

# of jumpsuited extras flung into the air with pneumatic catapults: 14

# of insertions of "Battlestar Galactica" footage: lost count around 40

# of previously seen shots edited in:15

# of times the Enforcers refer to each other as "idiots": 7

# of off-the-shelf glowing balls in the Bellarian scenes: 8

# of times Ryder or Kalgon yells at someone to "MOVE!" or "GO!": 26

# of occasions Kalgon starts laughing for no apparent reason: 18

# of minutes you get to watch grown men trying to kill each other with golf carts: 5

# of railing kills: 24 (may have missed a couple)

Don't pass up a chance to see this; one of these days, someone involved with it is going to get embarrassed enough about it to try and have all the copies destroyed.

Ah, Space Mutiny, definitely one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes, it's one of my favorites personally. I think the reason why this is such a great episode is due to the fact that this film is just so unbelievably bad, you know? I mean these are the kind of movies that you just look at and question constantly how it got green lighted since it's just such an awful film. I'm not just saying bad, I'm saying that there must have been about 5 million things wrong with this movie. There are tons and tons of continuity problems, a woman who dies in one scene, then the next scene she is a noticeable extra that's alive and well. The "hero" of the film has extremely horrible acting qualities, not to mention that he screams like a girl. The "sexy lady" of the story looks like she's in her late fifties and again, her acting is lousy. The "villain" won't stop with this ridiculous laughter. The story itself is just a bad one.

The people in space on the Southern Sun are supposedly happy and looking for a new world to create something new and peaceful. But some apparently have grown impatient, like Calgon(yeah, that's the villain's name, sad, isn't it?) and his "wise" followers. But the leader of the Southern Sun, who looks a lot like Santa Claus, wishes peace, so he assigns Dave Ryder to save the day. Along with Santa's daughter, Lea, she and Dave pretty much have to out maneuver Calgon, just for God's sake, who couldn't? I mean the man's body guard looks like a lobster.

Space Mutiny is just in general a very bad film. I mean Mystery Science Theater 3000 sometimes gets some movies that are not so bad, but Space Mutiny is one of those films that is all around just a bad mistake. I'm not sure if they people who made this movie really looked at it in the editing room and really thought that this was an excellent or decent movie. The acting, the editing, the continuity, THE COSTUMES, the sets, the actors, everything about this movie was just plain bad. The sounds and script was just so laughable. Space Mutiny is not even good enough to be a cult film, the only thing that this film was good for was just the fact that it made one of the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. But I have to admit that Calgon did blow me away, lol.

1/10

Run, don't walk! Use those pneumatic catapults that launch jumpsuited terrorists through the air to escape this drivel. This movie shows just how limiting a small budget and a lack of imagination is. Footage lifted from Battlestar Galactica is edited into something that resembles a story. Can't really tell. There's a large slab of beef walking around that's supposed to be our hero. Santa Claus commands this barge with the help from Sting. His daughter looks like Sheri Lewis gone bad and they fight the evil Calgon! Watch this one on MST and watch for the dead girl who comes back to life and resumes her post on the bridge.

I actually quite enjoyed this film. Well, I enjoyed laughing at Mike and the Robots comments on it anyhow. The film itself is just the worst kind of awful you can imagine.

For a start, the budget for any real effects was obviously non-existent, so they stole LOTS of shots from Battlestar Galactica. These scenes occur early on in the movie mostly, and lead you to think that (apart from the plagiarism)it might not be too terrible. Wrong! After the initial ten minutes the Galactica stock-footage is rarely seen again, but the inside of various industrial buildings is seen almost constantly. I was thinking "Ah, a late 70's, early 80's era film" where any old chemical or power plant interior would do as "futuristic" sets. Wrong again! This "movie" was made in 1988, not even twenty years ago! It's like the makers went through a time warp to the late 70's, made the film, then brought it back for our delight.

But the plagiarism, in another form, continues right through the movie. The sound effects of the lasers are ripped straight from Battlestar Galactica again, and also, later on, the sound of the lasers from Battle Beyond the Stars makes an appearance.

Then there is the acting. Or rather, the awful lack of it. Particularly bad is Chunk Benchpress (aka Reb Brown) who lumbers around the sets trying to look dashing and heroic, then spoils the image by screaming like his 'nads have been caught in a food processor. The love interest for Chunk is old enough to be his mother (or maybe even grandmother!) and bares altogether too much flesh for someone of her advancing years and plastic surgery.

The commander of the ship on which the mutiny takes place is Cameron Mitchell, an actor of some note. What the Hell he was thinking in being in this is anybody's guess. But, bad though his choice of movie is, it's nothing compared to the ridiculous Father Christmas beard he's made to wear. It looks sooooo real nobody will be able to tell its a fake. Not!

And finally, the main cast is rounded off by John Phillip Law, another actor who has some credit to his name (At least prior to this turkey). Obviously he yearned for his wacky Barbarella days again and signed up for this abomination. I could never decide here whether he was actually trying to act or just hamming everything up. Suffice to say his maniacal cackling at even the slightest provocation ceases to be funny after the tenth or twentieth time.

Other things to watch out for are the stupid golf carts done up to look like futuristic transportation. The cheap body shells wobble like they're only held on with tape and the "chase" scenes are just hysterical. It's like you've tuned into a re-run of The Banana Splits Show. Try humming "Tra-la-lah, La-la-la-lah!" as you watch and its even funnier.

I won't mention the plot, because there really isn't one to speak of. Just a flimsy premise that people who were actually born in space are more likely to yearn for a real planet to live on than those who came from a planet, which sounds counter-intuitive to me. Or in other words, just plain dumb.

Watch it as an MST3K episode and this one is great. Without their comments it might be rather too much to handle for any normal person. It thoroughly deserves its place in the bottom 100 of the IMDb. You have been warned!