Casablanca Express

Ultra lame World War II flick. Absolutely flat dialog scenes, boring action sequences, and some of the worst music ever devised by man! I'm usually a big fan of Sergio Martino's work, but this film was far too weak to stand up. The two stars, Francesco Quinn and Jason Connery, are the sons of Anthony Quinn and Sean Connery. Star-power (or son-of-star-power) is what the film relied upon too heavily. The result is a 90 minute waste of time, with some of the most startling historical errors ever committed to film. Far too boring to be funny.

As a 22 year Army veteran, I become almost nauseous viewing war movies with numerous technical errors. The "Marine" assault battalion fires a 3.5" rocket launcher from a moving train without regard to the back blast effect on the Marines riding directly behind the weapon.

The army uniforms were hokey. Army officers, under the rank of general, have two insignias per lapel, a "U.S." and a branch insignia. About half the time one of our heroes has his worn correctly, the other half of the time incorrectly.

The rescuing Marines have corpsmen with them that have ludicrous looking helmet liners with huge red crosses on them. Those crosses would have made great targets for even a blind sniper.

The soldiers accompanying the train were geared up for combat wearing their helmet liners sans helmets. They also were wearing an American flag patch on their left shoulders. These flag patches should have been on their right shoulders (I know D-Day invasion forces had these flags sewn on, but I am not too sure about our soldiers in Africa) and their unit patches on their left.

Certainly wish some of the directors/producers could spring a few bucks and hire some ex-GI's as technical advisers.

Other than the fact that Casablanca Express is actually filmed in Morocco and in Casablanca itself, there isn't all that much to recommend it to viewers. I'd stick with the Warner Brothers Casablanca made quite well on their back lot.

This film involves an attempt to kidnap Winston Churchill while on the way to Casablanca for that conference with FDR. It's a combination of The Lady Vanishes and any of the Indiana Jones films in that last half.

Our Nazi friends hear that Churchill is traveling by train to Casablanca and set up a paratrooper raid. No doubt they got the idea from the folks who planned that raid that freed Mussolini after the Fascist government in Italy was overthrown. Possibly Churchill was riding the Marrakesh Express.

Leading the effort to save Winston Churchill are the sons of a pair of movie legends, Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn. Also helping our intrepid heroes out is Jinny Stefan who wields one mean machine gun against the paratroopers.

Standing around and looking like they were waiting for the checks to clear the bank are Glenn Ford and Donald Pleasance playing an American and British officer in charge of Churchill's safety.

Well, we all know Churchill made it to Casablanca intact. But why isn't this in the history books? Well if you're curious you'll see the film.

There's not much other reason for doing so.

The plot is a WWII attempt by Axis powers to kidnap Winston Churchill.

What we have is an epic style film here, one of those larger than life Indiana Jones type flicks that isn't meant to be taken seriously, and goes instead for the thrills and bangs.

And it pretty well does that. We have mega stars Pleasance and Ford doing the older officer bits, and we have young action heroes doing quite well in the "not to be taken seriously" action. Of course it is off the wall action, but there really isn't any attempt by the director to disguise this. This is James Bond or Indiana Jones style escapism.

The characters are not overly deep, but more intended to convey comedy. Again, there is no attempt to disguise this.

We have some surprises, especially in the identity of the spy. Nothing big, just enough to make it entertaining.

Lots of needless shooting and silly action scenes. If you like Bond flicks, you'll like this, though. Same thing.

An old-fashioned WWII adventure piece, starring some elderly Hollywood vets and the sons of some great stars. Unfortunately, even with a great cast and crew, the movie comes off as forced and corny all the way.

Churchill takes a train to meet with Roosevelt and Stalin in Casablanca. German paratroopers attempt to capture the train and take Churchill alive, but their efforts are hampered by Allied commandos.

The movie is, honestly, really bad in just about every department. Jason Connery and Francesco Quinn (PLATOON) try really hard, and have enough talent to squeak by, but neither would be as convincing or at ease as their fathers (Sean Connery and Anthony Quinn). Manfred Lehmann is a pretty nasty-looking but very incompetent German officer who leads the assault on the train. Donald Pleasence (THE GREAT ESCAPE) and Glenn Ford (IS PARIS BURNING?) are onhand as the Allied generals running the show from headquarters.

The movie is chock full of supporting characters and plot elements which have absolutely nothing to do with the action. There's a Catholic priest, a couple prostitutes, nuns, Arab sheiks, and British civilians riding the train who all end up getting killed. So much emphasis is put on these characters, all of whom are focused on only to be thrown away.

There are a lot of plot holes and such which also hamper the story's credibility. Glenn Ford seems to hate Churchill and blames him for Pearl Harbor and the death of his son, but this subplot is forgotten about halfway through the movie. Men sit around talking for the first thirty minutes or so about nothing that matters, providing lots of details on events and actions which don't matter a bit. The Germans manage to take over the train quite rapidly and wipe out a platoon of American guards, but in the final act a couple good guys with MP40s are able to wipe out just about the entire German unit with no effort at all. The Germans fail to secure the entire train, just some cars; they don't bother to look underneath the cars for saboteurs; they are portrayed as buffoons and idiots all the way.

The action scenes are ultra-corny, usually involving few pyrotechnics and a couple of good guys mowing down the German paratroops or vice versa. It's all set to a typically garbage (yet serviceable) Luigi Ceccarelli music score, which is typical synthesize garbage that never makes it's potential. To make matters worse, the bulk of the action was shot on what looks to be a desert soundstage, with the train parked and not much movement of the actors or any exciting stunts. There is one nail-biting fisticuff atop the speeding train which did have me on the edge of my seat, though.

I watched CASABLANCA EXPRESS on a Portuguese videotape. The colors were bright, fresh and intense. There was occasional print damage, but for the most part this movie was well-preserved for video transfer.

CASABLANCA EXPRESS is a corny - and appropriately so - but doesn't fit bill for a late 80s war movie. Audiences could expect better from such an experienced cast and crew - even for an Italian production, it's not very good for its day.

RATING: 3/10