Black Roses

i swear I say this flick for rent in a 7-11 when I was still a pre-teen.

I've had a vague recollection of the box art and the general plot ever since. Being the dedicated bargin bin hound that I am, I finally managed to find a copy of this movie. I'm a giant fan of B-movies in general, but this film just didn't seem to make effective use of the wacky plot. It could have been a lot more over the top; it ended up being pretty slow going during some sections. The F/X are actually halfway between funny/cheesey and somewhat half decent. Although I enjoyed this movie for all of its b-graded goodness (i.e. bad music, bad acting, some T&A from the leading female), i reccomend it to serious fans of the b-horror genre. If you ever get a chance to pick it up used for a few bucks, it's good for a laugh. However, Rock N' Roll Nightmare, by the same director, is an absolute MUST HAVE.

Watch out kids! The heavy metal is gonna getcha! Popular metal band Black Roses have chosen the small town of Mill Basin to begin their world tour. But Black Roses has plans outside of just rocking. Led by the charismatic Damien, the band are actually demons who hypnotize teens with their music and then turn them anti-social. It is Tipper Gore's worst nightmare! It is all up to English teacher Mr. Moorhouse (John Martin) to save the town. From the director of ROCK N' ROLL NIGHTMARE, BLACK ROSES is a great 80s time capsule. You have the big hair with sweaters to match, the leather outfits and lots of high pitch screeching. There are some cheap but fun effects and what might be the world's most gratuitous nude scene. Pre-SOPRANOS Vincent Pastore made his film debut (talk about auspicious!) as a metal kid's dad who gets sucked into a mutant speaker by a big spider. Sorry, it reads much better than it plays.

This probably won't mean anything to people from America, but the opening sequences in "Black Roses", which were the best part of the entire film by far, seriously reminded me of the winning act in the Eurovision contest in 2006. They were a Finnish band named Lordi and dressed up like OTT demonic monsters on stage. It was quite a shock they won the conventional and borderline puritan musical concert, but it was a funny sight. Same goes for the intro of "Black Roses", in fact, because the demonic make-up effects are delightful, but the music sounds more like glamor-rock instead of heavy metal.

During the 1980s, several directors had the bad idea to mix horror movies with metal music. Both were popular separately, so together they must be even more successful, right? Wrong. I love horror and I love heavy metal, but the string of combo-flicks that came out in the 80s is overall disastrous. Although I haven't seen "Trick or Treat" yet, "Black Roses" must be the indisputably masterpiece of the sub-genre! At least it's vastly superior over titles like "Terror on Tour", "Rocktober Blood" "Hard Rock Zombies" and "Rock & Roll Nightmare". Metal band The Black Roses, with their popular front man Damian, announces that they'll kick off their American tour with a series of shows in the sleepy town of Mill Basin. It's delightful news for the local youth, but the parents and elderly townsfolk are heavily against the Roses' type of "satanic" music and life-style. They don't realize how right they are, actually, since Damian and his band are evil minions of Satan that gradually gain control over their fans' minds and bodies during the concerts. Several aspects make "Black Roses" a lot more enjoyable than the aforementioned titles, for instance a better soundtrack ("Soldiers of the Night", "Paradise" and "Dance on Fire" are good songs) and a handful of awesome murder sequences. There's a nasty scene in which a guy is beaten to death with an ashtray and a very sexy high-school sweetheart even strip-pokers her friend's dad to death! The film also remains a pure 80s cheese-galore, with lovely images of spectators turning into skeletons during the concerts and Vincent Pastore (in an early role) getting sucked into a speaker. That'll teach him to make fun of boys wearing earrings!

Black Roses. Where to begin? First off, this movie is not for you if you cannot appreciate the comic genius that is a combination of bad metal music and massive mullets. Personally, I love bad movies and those two things have made [and broken] a great many movies for me. Black Roses is a beautiful melding of horrible acting, special effects that wouldn't have been impressive twenty years ago, and tons of terrible metal. Our Demonic band and their flamboyant frontman Damien [who is complete with a disappearing/reappearing mullet] use their music as a portal for evil! There are a great many unanswered questions come the end of the film, but if you are watching this film in the first place, chances are you're not in the market for a high-quality production. This is a great bad horror film, and a must-see for anyone who knows how funny mullets are.

7/10

[A few words on my rating system]

I review bad movies almost exclusively, that does not however mean that my rating system is inverted. A score of 1 denotes a film that is unbearable to watch, whereas a score of 10 epitomizes the best in the world of bad movies. A 5 is average, 6 connotes that there is something worthwhile, a 7 is a definate must-see for people who match the criteria that I will have listed in the review.

Famous glam rock band The Black Roses is booked to play their first (?) live shows at its hometown local high school. While all the teens are stoked that their favorite band chose their sleepy small town for their first ever live concert, the parents are less than enthused with The Black Roses and their seemingly demonic lead singer Damien. The teachers and mayor stick by "Free speech" while the parents protest. When the band shows up for the show, the PTA and other authoritative adults attend only to find a Michael Bolton type in a Don Johnson suit singing power ballads. They shrug their shoulders at this harmless lite-rocker and bolt for the exit. That's when Damien strips down to a kinkier outfit (think Cher in "If I Could Turn Back Time) and The Black Roses crank out the hard rock. The kids in the crowd go wild. When the band stays in town to do more three more shows, the kids' become increasingly zombie-like and violent. Their English teacher starts to think that maybe the PTA was right and the kids are becoming possessed by Leotarded Damien and his rocknroll.

John Fasano's follow up to his bizarrely awful "Rock & Roll Nightmare" doesn't fare that much better story-wise, but it's still sort of charming. It lacks the interesting visuals and characters of its predecessor, but makes up for that by adding more puppet-monster action. Nothing happens in the first half hour of the film, which has a really strange feeling, like it's a musical from the 50s instead of an 80s rocker movie. There's even a sequence where the bored lead teenager is trying to woo a girl by dancing around the street, from lamppost to lamppost, saying things like "Let's paint the town red!" The score is equally out-of-place for a movie about a demonic glam rock band. It sounds like something out of an 80s children's adventure movie. The special effects and puppetry are charming and one of the only things that kept my attention. Especially worth noting is a scene where future Soprano's star Vincent Pastore gets gobbled up by his stereo speakers. So while "Black Roses" isn't completely unwatchable, it isn't really a good movie and recommended for only those who really dig this type of thing.