Warrior Queen

A word of warning: the Warrior Queen available on Amazon Prime is the R-Rated version which runs at a scant 69 minutes, ten minutes less than the director's cut. What did I miss? Well, seeing as this film is from producers Harry Alan Towers and Aristede Massacesi (AKA Joe D'Amato), and porn director Chuck Vincent, I imagine a whole lot of sex and graphic violence.

The shorter version still has its moments though, since not all of the sleaze hit the cutting room floor, with lots of full frontal female nudity and a little gore to make the experience less painful (without it, the film would be close to unwatchable).

The plot for the film is virtually non-existent, with almost an hour of random Roman nonsense before the climactic eruption of Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii (largely consisting of scenes from another earlier movie and volcano stock footage). The build-up is a series of unexciting but occasionally bloody gladatorial contests, sleazy slave trading, rape, and assorted acts of deviancy, with Sybil Danning as the titular Warrior Queen, who spends most of her time looking bored and yawning as bumbling Pompeii official Clodius (Donald Pleasence) tries his best to entertain her, pitting his slaves in arm-wrestling to the death and hosting a games in her honour.

Despite Danning and Pleasence's top billing, the real stars of the film are Rick Hill as charioteer Marcus and Tally Chanel as slavegirl Vespa, eye-candy for both sexes. Hunky Hill is all macho posturing while Chanel definitely makes up for the fact that Danning remains clothed throughout, the blonde stunner baring all. Look out too for porn-star Samantha Fox (not the singer) as Clodius's wife Philomena and Lou Ferrigno lookalike Marco Tullio Cau as Goliath, Marcus's rival in the arena.

4.5/10, rounded up to 5 for the hilarious sight of Pleasence catching doves in a net.

Every male who was in his teens during the video-boom of the early 80's, must have some affection for the Barbarian/Roman epics which were in abundance. They just about skirted around the soft-porn self-embarrassment issue and could be nonchalantly given to the video shop assistant without too much shiftiness. It was an historical adventure film for the more mature viewer and the fact that this may include the occasional orgy scene, naked whipping, brothels and sumptuous exposed breasts was by the by.

'Warrior Queen' was released as the sub-genre was being replaced with mainstream films which could now get away with graphic simulated sex scenes - 'Fatal Attraction' was released the same year. No tarty business-woman could replace a statuesque, Amazon-like, 6-ft blonde, wielding a huge sword though.

The video cover for 'Warrior Queen' is almost certainly the film's highpoint, featuring a trio of muscular, tanned, bikini-clad beauties. Needless to say, the film itself is pretty crap - although there is just about enough going on to not feel completely cheated.

The film begins with a sub-title informing us that this is "Pompeii, August 22, 79 AD". Sybil Danning is a visiting Queen, entertained by Pompeii's ruler, a shambling Donald Pleasence who was presumably desperate for work. Along the way to the films inevitable conclusion (featuring lots of stock footage of a volcano doing its worst), we are treated to a pretty good slave auction scene; a rubbish arm-wrestling contest, complete with poisoned spikes; a gladiatorial duel featuring Goliath (a baddie, played by a big dumb Steve Reeves/Lou Ferrigno lookalike) against an opponent, both tied to pillars throwing discus's at each other; and a hang-tough contest played over a floor of wooden stakes.

Whilst not up to the standard of Sybil Danning's other Roman epic 'The Seven Magnificent Gladiators'-1983, 'Warrior Queen' provides enough nostalgia to give the viewer an entertaining hour or so of adolescent memories.

Warrior Queen (1987) is a movie I recently watched on Amazon Prime. The storyline follows the slave and prostitution trade during the days of Pompeii. When a female queen emerges and rises up the ranks she uses her powers to change the slave and trade business and free the victims of the system.

This movie is directed by Chuck Vincent (Sex Drive) and stars Sybil Danning (Amazon Women on the Moon), Donald Pleasence (Halloween), Rick Hill (Liar Liar), Samantha Fox (Jack+Jill) and David Brandon (StageFright).

The female auction is an A+ and was my favorite part of the movie. The props, unfortunately, were poorly constructed. The background music was funny and the storyline was painful. It felt like just a reason to put hot girls in a movie. There were some good kill scenes and I got a good chuckle from the Lou Ferrigno lookalike.

Overall this is a bad movie that is only worth watching for the ladies and unique circumstances. I would score this a 4/10 and recommend watching it once.

This is a rather strange little ditty that comes to us courtesy of exploitation and soft-porn veterans Chuck Vincent, Aristide Massaccessi (Joe D'Amato; director of "Emanuelle," "Buried Alive," "Anthrophagus") and Harry Alan Towers. More or less a T & A retelling, if not a send-up, of "The Last Days of Pompeii," this film focuses on the plight of a young, amply-endowed slave-girl, (Tally Chanel) who is sold into servitude in a brothel frequented by studly gladiators and politicians. Her struggle for freedom is encouraged by Caeser's sympathetic wife, the semi well-preserved Sybil Danning, who discovers her while on a diplomatic trip to Pompeii. As it turns out, she herself, is of the same tribe, but has to conceal her heritage, due to her royal station.

A campy, but dreadfully stilted lampoon of sword and sandal peplum, "Warrior Queen" does boast a delightfully hammy performance by Donald Pleasence as the vice-ridden pro-council of Pompeii. There's hardly any dialogue from the rest of the cast and that's probably a blessing! But, on the prurient plus side, there's a generous helping of nudity and "hard-gore" violence, which is the obvious draw of such a film. However, I must include "Warrior Queen" in my personal pantheon of golden turkeys, which, although it doesn't reach the same heights of lunacy as say, "Plan Nine from Outer Space," it does run an impoverished, if not very close second-place to "Caligula"!

...so the title (and the video cover) could be described as misleading. Sybil Danning does fight off a couple of attackers at the start, and does decapitate one guy with her sword later on, but that's about it. Her character (the mistress of the Roman emperor) barely speaks in this movie. She looks unimpressed by what is going on around her and occasionally even yawns - reflecting the audience's reactions perfectly! Donald Pleasence, as the ruler of Pompeii, is ludicrous; if Sybil doesn't talk enough, Donald talks too much, and at least half of his dialogue is made up from the same three words, repeated ad nauseam: "My lovely highness". The rest of the cast includes Rick - "Deathstalker" - Hill, and a Lou Ferrigno-lookalike, and some beautiful women. The movie has literally NO PLOT - for 55 minutes we are watching these people do nothing, until it's time for Vesuvius to erupt and Pompeii to be destroyed. This climactic disaster sequence is OK for the budget standards of the movie, but it's obvious that stock footage was inserted at some points. (*)