Time of the Apes

This film is very boring and somewhat confusing. It centers around a woman, a kid, and an "Indiana Jones" type character named Johnny. They are cryogenically frozen and awaken in a land of where apes rule the world. (Sound familiar?) Well of course they are captured by the apes and Johnny (who acts like a complete jerk) tries to free them, etc... The movies only interesting character is a young monkey who helps the humans, and even the monkey is annoying. The only way this movie should be seen is along with the *Mystery Science Theater 3000* gang. The episode, number 306, appeared in their third season and was hilarious.

I think I can describe this wretched film in one word: "HUH??"

I cannot recall ever seeing a movie as crappy as this one. I will admit that the English translation may have been reason for horrific dialogue, but I cannot recall any semblance of plot, or storyline. Watching Johnny and Carolyn's madcap romps running from simian masked men with the crappiest makeup in cinema history, my brain cells began to implode one by one as I tried to find the answers to so many questions I had about this film. You will get dizzy (especially the pre-Matrix rotoscope camera shots towards the end), nauseous, and possible amnesia may set in after this tour de crap which also includes an adorable weird ape girl name Pepy(????). Good way to experience temporary insanity.

For about the last week, I've been watching the KTMA episodes of MST3K. tonights episode was this, er, masterpiece. Let see what we have so far-- Humans in nothing but ape heads that aren't even finished around the neck. Then we have the apes driving 1970 era pontiacs, jeeps and toyotas. They also use weapons. but with all of the cars, guns and other technology they show no evidence of any industrial production capabilities.

It is clear that this piece of junk was edited from more then several episodes of a series. The editing is so abrupt that it startled me at one point. I can only assume that the series is equally confusing and poorly produced. This movie was done twice by MST3K. First on KTMA and again in (I think) season 3. Both versions are unreleased but are available from mst3kvideos.com.

A Japanese tv series is cut apart and put together to form this semblance of a movie. Obviously a "Planet of the Apes" rip-off, the movie seems the end about 3 different times, Each more dragged out than the last. The apes are also dressed in bizarre Colonel Sanders-style clothing. As a dubbed movie it's hard to comment on the acting, but the "film" is edited so poorly that the plot is nearly incomprehensible to follow. More of an oddity than a purely terrible movie.

This movie features all the standard hallmarks of crap Japanese films: You've got your kid in red shorts shouting his lines, you've got a wise elder sister to explain the plot and people laughing about things that aren't funny to the audience.

Some annoying kids are visiting a lab where they are trying to develop a plot. Suddenly they get frozen and wake up in a world ruled by extras in cheap monkey masks. The monkeys have developed telephones, cars and have a city made of cardboard.

Absolutely jack happens through the entire film but you'll be mesmerised by the shoddiness of it all. It would be petty to complain that the ending makes no sense because there's nothing to make sense of in the first place, it's just people running around. Worst of all the film just doesn't want to end and drags it out for a good 20 minutes after the credits should be rolling.

Bonus points for having a UFO that pops up for no apparent reason.

For fans of bad cinema only.