Le Mystère de l'île des monstres

"It's the worst movie ever" is an oft-used phrase. "It's a real turkey" has just about lost its punch. How about this for a plug line: "MONSTER ISLAND isn't a movie; it's punishment for a lifetime of horrible deeds."

I taped it for my 6-year-old son and we just got through watching the thing; I had to have a bath afterwards in case any stray remnants of this cheesy, inept, incompetently-directed, over-the-top spectacularly bad acting, ill-conceived design, Jules-Verne-insulting, direct-attack-on-filmmaking pile managed to shoot through the pixels and land on me. The looping was apparently done by performers for whom 'human' is a second language. Truly excellent actors Peter Cushing and Terence Stamp were fortunate because while top-billed, they barely had any screen time at all. I'm still floored by having to witness one of the most baroquely florid and horrendously just plain bad performances in the history of cinema: that of the estimable David Hatton as Professor Artelect. It all makes sense in a way: he must have been the title Monster; his victim the acting profession.

In summation, this is a reprehensibly dreadful z-budget debacle. Suffice it to say my young son found it unbelievably bad and he's about as easy an audience as they come. Don't just avoid this one: work hard to help find a cure for it.

I might have been better off watching Godzilla on Monster Island, but Paul Naschy wasn't in that one, and I'm a Naschy completest. So, let's be honest upfront; I am only here for the Naschy! Starring Peter Cushing as the uncle of adventurer Jeff (Ian Sera), who is off to make his way in the world accompanied by the hilarious David Hatton.

It's a silly Jules Verne adventure with lots of animal laughs and pratfalls.

The silly looking monsters, the guns that never seem to do any damage or run out of bullets, stupid homemade weapons, bombs that don't kill anyone, and the incessant whining of the professor (Hatton) begins to wear you down to the point that only a five-year-old would appreciate this film. The turkey bit was the last straw!

As for Naschy, I never saw him except for a brief time in the beginning.

This is the movie of my childhood. Everything was so colorful with beautiful landscapes of desert island, predictable, scary creatures, monsters, guys behind the masks and the bad guy in the middle, pulling all the strings. Of course, there is a beautiful girl in the very end, who comes as the reward for heroic action of the main character. I just love happy endings, where happy couple proves that love between man and a woman is the only thing which matters on this world.

Adventure tale full of colorful scenarios , thrills , humor and pretty fierce monsters . Amusing , lighthearted romp though average , only for kids and teenagers , based upon the Jules Verne novel . It's a mediocre fun with naive special effects , passable set decoration and functional art direction without use of computer generator . It deals with a young European (Ian Sera) residing in San Francisco is reluctant to marry his long-term bride (Ana Obregon) because he wishes to travel around the world first . His wealthy uncle (Peter Cushing) agrees to send him on a global expedition aboard his vessel . He along with a professor (David Hatton) undergo a hazardous voyage but en route the young man and his traveling companion are shipwrecked on a far island loaded with rare creatures and gold . Along the way they face numerous dangers , risks as the duo descend into deep caverns and discover a tunnel system populated by countless prehistoric creatures as well as gold-hunting natives , torrential floods , volcanic eruptions and many other things . It results to be a silly but likable Spanish adaptation based on Jules Verne classic novel .

This below average humdrum adaptation is a special version of the Jules Verne adventure yarn titled ¨L'Ile Mysterieuse" or "The Mysterious Island" it was written in 1874, though the source of this picture is actually "L'École des Robinsons" or "The Robinson School" published in 1882 . There're rip-roaring action , spirit of adventure , derring-do , humor , thrills and results to be briefly entertaining . Two greatest stars of this production , Peter Cushing and Terence Stamp , are really wasted . There appears usual secondary actors seen in co-productions of the 60s and 70s , Spaghetti and Terror genre , as Frank Braña , Luis Barboo , Gerard Tichy and the horror idol , the great Paul Naschy or Jacinto Molina . It's a slight fun with average special effects by Emilio Ruiz Del Rio , passable set decoration , functional art direction and none use of computer generator . The rubber monsters are the real stars of this production , however being middling made , it has numerous "older technique" special effects such as matte paintings, rubber-suited monsters, uses the standard film technique of reverse-footage to create certain effects . The fable is silly and laughable , and the effects and action are regularly made . Among the most spectacular of its visuals there are some deeply shrouded caverns , several monsters roaring menacingly towards the camera and the colorful backgrounds of the lost island . Some monsters are clumsily but the movie has some good moments here and there . Some illogical parts in the argument are more than compensated for the excitement provided by the monsters, though sometimes are a little bit cheesy . Highlights of the voyage includes a roller-coaster trip , a terrifying odyssey in sailing , prehistoric beasts and many others. The motion picture is middling realized by Juan Piquer Simon . Piquer who recently passed away was a good craftsman , he owns his own studio and created and/or designed many of the simple special effects sequences you see in any of his many imaginative undertakings . Juan was expert on all kind of genres as Terror ( Slugs, Piezes , Cthulhu ) and Sci-fi (The rift , The new Extraterrestres, Supersonic man) . While his films have been universally panned by the prestigious reviewers, they have a kind of quality that must be endured to be fully appreciated .

This wasn't smart enough to be considered campy or tongue-in-cheek. Although, come to think of it, it did have every cliche of bad monster/castaway/uncharted island movies. I suppose that's an accomplishment.