The Loch Ness Horror

A few buddies and myself have the strange hobby of seeking out really horrendous and utterly obscure (for a good reason) horror flicks and then subsequently watching them under the influence of mind-broadening consumer goods like alcohol and/or soft drugs. Surely a lot of people do this, but they watch movies like the "Godzilla" remake, whereas we torment our eyes and brains with stuff like "The Loch Ness Horror". And, eureka, this is a prototypic bad movie! We open traditionally, with bag pipes music during the opening credits. This is, of course, to emphasize extra to us dumb viewers that the story is supposed to take place in the Scottish highlights and not in director Larry Buchanan's birthplace Texas. For that exact same reason, the cast members are seemingly also instructed to overact tremendously and talk with talk with atrocious accents. The American marine biologist Prof. George Sanderson arrives in Loch Ness with some brand new and highly sophisticated sonar equipment to track down the whereabouts of the legendary monster in the lake. Meanwhile, there are many other parties hanging around the lake, like a group of kids on a Science Camp (what a boring way to spend your vacation), retired army generals looking for a Luftwaffe plane that crashed in the lake during WWII and a bunch of thieves and failed scientists that are steeling the monster's egg. You would think that these numerous sub plots bring some diversity and excitement in the plot, but unfortunately that's not the case. "Loch Ness Horror" is an overall boring flick with only a couple of noteworthy elements. The monster itself, for example, is a delightfully cheesy creation with cute eyes and a smoky breath. His teeth also glow in the dark, which is quite useful when you're dumb enough to go out on a boat ride in the middle of the night. Near the end of the film, the remaining cast members were more interested in the lost Luftwaffe plane than in the monster, so it was about time to wrap it up. "Loch Ness Horror" is carefully recommended in case you're a fan of bad B-movies from the 80's, but be advised that it contains an overload of senseless dialogs and a bizarrely rushed ending that makes it look as if the film suddenly ran out of budget.

If it wasn't for Loch Ness we would never see such corny delights about Nessie. Larry Buchanan's take on this Scottish legend is quite entertaining at times as movies about monsters made of plastic can be. The fake is hilarious, the fake Scottish accents are funny. The kill-scenes cracked me up. I also loved the fact that there were more American tourists and Nessie-hunters from Houston, Tx invading Loch Ness then actual locals living there. Still, this film never reaches the cheesy heights the classic trailer promises. Not a total loss though, makes a cool double feature along with THE CRATER LAKE MONSTER (1977).

OMG, another bad film by Larry Buchanan. That guy did not learn to stop, did he? First, he gives us zero budget sci-fi movies and lies about famous dead people, and now he is exploiting the Loch Ness Monster as being vicious.

The "plot" is basically about some southerners of the USA pretending to be Scottish camping out at Loch Ness. Alas, out on the fishing hole, oops, I mean lake of Loch Ness, there is a killer inflatable monster that clams itself to be Nessie, going out of its way to kill people for no apparent reason.

I am surprised that the crew of MST3K never heard of this movie. Yes, it is that bad too.

This is the first Larry Buchanan movie I ever viewed, and sadly wasn't the last. I only bothered checking it out after seeing the trailer in "Fantastic Dinosaurs of the Movies" many years ago as a kid. I found the deceptive box art and melodramatic trailer even more entertaining than the film itself. I haven't even bothered watching this again for almost twenty years, but I remember enough to write this review.

The main story goes like this. At "Loch Ness", a team of scientists led by some guy named Pratt seek out to find Nessie, but instead discover eggs laid by the monster and the decide to steal one of them. Unsurprisingly, Nessie gets mad and begins rampaging around the area, searching for her egg. Meanwhile, another scientist named George Sanderson (Sandy Kenyon) recruits longtime Loch Ness resident Jack Stewart (Doc Livingston) to prove Nessie exists. That's about all I cared to gather.

Despite being a "horror" movie, the monster effects were way too cheesy to even scare a kid. Nessie is a totally fake and cheap looking puppet head on a pole with a barely functioning mouth and lifeless beady eyes. The only way it could have been worse is if she was portrayed by a sock puppet. Her roar was just a shameless recycle of the TIE fighter sound from Star Wars. Even her misty breath and nostrils bubbling underwater didn't look too impressive. When she attacks people, it looks hilariously bad. She apparently kills a couple of soldiers by tapping them lightly with her snout or lazily biting Pratts shoulder and head while he just stands there like an idiot. There's only one mildly disturbing death scene when Nessie dragged some guy in a sleeping bag into the water. Other than that, nothing in this movie was scary.

The acting is awful, since all of the "actors/actresses" are all just members of Buchanans family. And I've heard enough legitimate Scottish accents to find the obviously fake ones insulting if they thought it would fool anyone. And that's not all that proves this didn't even take place at Loch Ness, but at Lake Tahoe, California. You can easily tell by the out of place California redwoods seen several times.

This film is so low-budget and crummy, yet you could say it's so bad, it's good. Otherwise, it's just a dime a dozen budget monster movie worth a single watch on a lazy day.

"Mr Dean is a Yank from the States." Oh yes, this is the level of dialogue in this cheep, farcical tale of the fabled Scottish monster. There are several issues with the film, but where to begin? The story (if that's what we can call it) focuses on primarily American scientists who are studying the loch, in search of Nessie. There is Jack Stuart (Doc Livingston) who is the stereotypical Scotsman, kilt and all, who has lived at the loch most his life. He owns a magic telescope that has the power to defy both space and perspective, when early in the film his fixed position scope at one time looks down on a plane that is clearly high above mountainous terrain, then is parallel to the lochs surface, as the monster's head protrudes from the water.

Bizarrely, there is no indication that there had been any monster attacks in the past, but all of a sudden, Nessie decides that it's about time it started chowing down on some human flesh. Although, as we later discover, Nessie has standards, and is most certainly a moral killing monster, as it only attacks the wicked! Incredible! The monster itself (as you can see in the picture here) is pretty lame. But I have no issues with it. It is a low budget film, and it is actually quite a well constructed prop. However, for a monster that is attacking people, and is supposed to add a bit of horror into the film, you just have to look into the eyes, and actually the monster is a little cute.

The film is clearly not at Loch Ness, in fact, it is not even in Scotland. IMDb does confirm that it was filmed at Lake Tahoe in California. This shows, as the trees are wrong, and even the sounds of wildlife are native only to North America. Now onto the actors - a term used here very loosely. I have never heard so many appalling attempts at a Scottish accent in my life. I can do a better Scottish accent, and I'm rubbish at any accent! As I was watching, I could only guess that when casting, they were simply asked if they could roll their R's - "Yes." "You're hired."

Whilst it is easy to ridicule this film for almost everything in it, it is still incredibly fun to watch. I guess that it would qualify for one of those so-bad-it's-good labels. But it really is bad. For some bizarre reason, there is also the story of a Nazi propaganda plane that crashed into the Loch during the war. Odd, stupid, full of some of the worst acting ever, but a bit of harmless fun. The Wrath of Blog, watching films so you don't have to.

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