Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains

Excellent little rock-and-roll satire. A teenage Diane Lane stars as a young woman who hates her dead-end life. Along with her sister and cousin (Laura Dern), she cons her way onto a tour bus as the nonexistent band The Stains. The gals can't play a lick, but get themselves on the local news, and they ignite like a meteorite - and come crashing to Earth just as fast. It's a biting little picture, and Lane shines brightly in the lead. Ray Winstone co-stars as the lead singer of a British punk band with whom the Stains tour. The movie was barely released when it was made, but it became a cult favorite later on through frequent airings on the USA cable network.

I was a student in high school when the film crew and actors/actresses came to Vancouver, British Columbia Canada to film this movie.

They had a radio contest at the local radio station called 14 CFUN and they wanted people to come down to the radion station to sign up to be "extras" in the movie. I had never done this before, but took a chance and was selected. I was to play a "skunk".

We filmed down at the exhibition grounds of the P.N.E. {Pacific National Exhibition}.

I missed 3 days of school to do this movie and had the time of my life! Actually, it was even more fun when I found a friend of mine was also picked as an extra.

I remember meeting and getting the autographs of the Sex Pistols and Clash members who were there. I actually didn't even know that there were other "stars" in this movie until I had found this website and saw the cast list.

I also remember eating way too much "White Spot" {burgers and fries}. It seemed like that is all they fed us. I had been "called back" for a 3rd day of the shoot because they had chosen me for some "close-up shots".....much to my surprise.

I remember the costume and the makeup that we wore as "skunks". We all wore see-through red blouses with very high pumps on our feet. The makeup was kind of "skanky" and the big white stripe that they put down the middle of your hair. I can barely remember what we looked like.

I signed a contract with Paramount Pictures when the movie was still called "All Washed Up". I never did see it. Actually, when I was in Waikiki, Hawaii a couple of years later, we had been watching "sumo wrestling" on one of their channels and had fallen asleep. When I woke up, the credits to this movie were scrolling by!!!!!

I was soooooo upset about it, because I had never even seen the movie.

I have still yet to find this movie and would like very much to attain a copy of it on DVD.

Unreleased theatrical feature financed by Paramount was once an '80s staple on the USA network (in their weekend "Night Flight" movie slot). It's a satirical comedy-drama with music which finds angry, rebellious teen Diane Lane caught by reality-TV cameras getting fired from a fast food restaurant; soon, she, her sister, and a cousin hit the road with their barely-rehearsed punk band and find failure, success, unintended exploitation, and life's little ironies outside of their blue-collar town. Reminiscent of the later "This is Spinal Tap", the film has a sense of humor far more sly, less forced and obvious. Lane is so tough at first, one doesn't know how to respond to her (she pushes everyone away); somewhere down the line she begins to soften and becomes more flexible, and you see the desperation underneath her scowl--you see her pathos just once, when she gives the bus-driver money for his brother (a subtle scene that speaks volumes). Harsh in both its writing and directing, unblinking in its teenage hostility, the film still manages to be funny (intentionally so) and with a cutting edge; it's like a breath of fresh air to the disenfranchised. *** from ****

This film deserved a better shot at finding an audience than it got from its studio, which basically declared it unreleasable and threw it away. To be sure, it's not for ALL tastes but it's WAY better than a lot of the teen-oriented dreck that made millions in the 80s..Basically the story of the rise and fall of a street-wise girl (Diane Lane) and her punk rock band, the film has moments of satire and drama that ring remarkably true, even in this day and age. This is the only other film I know of directed by famed Los Angeles music producer Lou Adler (his other was the first Cheech & Chong monster hit "Up In Smoke")....this film has the same loose, anything-goes style but Adler shows that he works well with actors, getting fresh and inspired performaces all around. The only print seen for years of this film has been on USA Network's "Up All Night" and it was ruthlessly edited. I'd like to see this one show up on a premium channel like Cinemax or Showtime so I could see it completely uncut (since the chances of seeing it released on video are no doubt slim to none)

For this film not to be available to the public (with the exception of the odd midnight movie crowd) is scandalous!! It's a touchstone for the next twenty years of pop culture! The film predicts the Madonna Wanna-Be craze by *years*; there's nods to such programming as MTV and such shows as VH1's Behind the Music & Driven; it was co-written by the cool, great Jonathan Demme; it features early screen appearances by later screen/TV stars Laura Dern, Christine Lahti, Star Trek's Brent Spiner (has the line, "You're fired!" ever been uttered more emphatically on film??), Rugrats voice Elizabeth Daily, B-Movie Goddess Debbie Rochon, and it stars newly-minted Unfaithful Oscar nominee Diane Lane, in a performance arguably as solid as the one she's just been nominated for. SO WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?? Release the film on video/DVD already!!!