Messe noire

The much maligned "Evilspeak" actually struck me as an excellent horror movie in the early '80s, shortly before it was banned in the UK and listed on the infamous "nasties" list. Watching this again last night in its uncut format, my view of the film has changed significantly over the years! The film still has a few things going for it. The performances aren't bad and Clint Howard is always interesting to watch, there's a touch of nudity to appeal to the "t&a fans", the effects are bloody and the soundtrack by Roger Kellaway is impressive. On the downside, the film's pace is somewhat plodding and the film could have been edited down to a leaner and meaner tale.

Sexy Miss Friedemeyer (Lynn Hancock) remains a most watchable screen siren and her demise at the jaws of hungry pigs is a delightfully gruesome set-piece.

6 out of 10. Not as bad as people make out but still a turkey.

This craptacular piece of 80's horror is especially recommended in case you're interested seeing Clint Howard star in a leading role for a change. You know him, he's the irritating and goofy looking dude who often appears as a meaningless side-character in even more meaningless horror films (The Dentist part two, the Humanoids from the Deep TV-remake etc…) I doubt many people are fascinated by his career but 'Evilspeak' is amusing to watch, nevertheless. The plot is an umpteenth variant on the favorite 80's theme where the nerdish school kid who always gets picked on avenges himself. Clint shines as the loser in this case, an unfortunate military cadet always punished by his teachers and an easy target for the other, more successful cadets. 'Evilspeak' goes beyond the standard horror format when ancient demons are summoned through a computer in the basement (?) and the whole thing becomes completely hilarious when hungry, filthy-looking pigs are used as murder weapons. Although not an intended trump for a horror film, 'Evilspeak' is incredibly funny! Especially the last 10 minutes are a must in case you're in desperate need of a laugh. The climax is exaggeratedly gore, with an outrageous Clint Howard chopping off heads in a church and unleashing pigs upon his hated classmates. Cheesy make-up effects and a deranged protagonist. Sometimes that's all there is needed to brighten up your mood.

Stanley Coopersmith (Clint Howard) is a young cadet at a military academy. Unfortunately, he's also an orphan and a total clod, both of which make him easy prey for a clique of sadistic idiots. Stanley is tormented without mercy.

Serendipitously, he happens upon a dark secret beneath the academy's church building, where he acquires arcane knowledge. Stanley then uses a computer to allow a long-dead Satanist named Esteban (Richard Moll) to possess him.

From here on, it's payback time!

Behold! A nosy secretary being eaten by savage swine! See! A Colonel's head popped like a bulging pimple! Watch! As craven thugs are exterminated in grisly ways! If you've ever been the victim of mindless bullies and longed for satisfaction, this is the movie for you! EVILSPEAK is also a showcase for Howard, who makes it a true uber-nerd triumph!

Co-stars R.G. Armstrong in another disgruntled role as Sarge...

What surprises me most about this title is that I haven't seen it up until recently, as it's right up my alley... dark, nasty, and messed up.

This is the story of Stanley Coopersmith, a strange gawky kid who finds it hard to make friends and so ends up as a joke and punching bag for the other cadets at military school. However, while he's being punished by having to tidy up the chapel's basement he finds a secret room and a book of Satanic spells and worship. These were hidden away by a rogue priest Father Esteban, who had been banished to the Americas.

Unable to read the scriptures in the book, Coopersmith uses the schools' computer to translate them. and when he finally carries out the Black Mass all hell breaks loose at the school and the chapel.

One of the better aspects of this film is the cast as it stars Clint Howard as Coopersmith and it's really nice to see him in a lead role and not just playing a strange and creepy secondary role. Though he's young here, he does a good job.

Then there's R J Armstrong who plays Sarge, the drunk janitor looking after the school and chapel, who hates kids and has it out for Coopersmith. Armstrong is great in this portrayal, he gives the air of a man you just wouldn't trust.

Charles Tyner does a brilliant representation of a prig of a Colonel who finds it demeaning and below him to run the military school.

Finally, Richard Moll is excellent in the role of the Evil Father Esteban. He adds the right amount of power, menace and violence to the character to make him believable as being the hand of Satan.

For the time, the special effects would have been superb, especially the computer graphics (which today are cringeworthy and laughable) and most are still passable today. The climax of the film in the destruction of the God's house is very well done and created.

All in all, this is a pretty decent horror movie with a lot of the right elements and well directed by Eric Weston. A definite watch for a horror nut and if you're not, it's still worth a look-see on a dark night...

Just how bad can a film be when the main force of evil is a herd of killer PIGS from Hell???? The story is way too silly to be horrifying, the dialogue is pretty laughable, the acting mostly reeks, and the production values are super-cheap! In other words, it's bad movie heaven....one of those "so bad, it's good!" guilty pleasures that you laugh AT as much as WITH.

And of course, it stars Clint Howard....what more needs to be said?