- Little boy: A naked American man stole my balloons.
- Chess Player: There was this airplane over the Atlantic on its way to New York. It was full of men from the United Nations. So halfway over the ocean the engines run low on petrol so they have to lighten the plane. So they heave out all the baggage, but it's still too heavy. So they chuck out the seats, but it's still too heavy! Finally this Froggy steps up and shouts "Viva la France" and leaps out. Then an Englishman steps up and shouts 'God save the Queen!' and leaps out. But the plane is still too heavy. So the Yank delegate from Texas steps up, shouts, 'Remember the Alamo!' and chucks out the Mexican.
- David: I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!
- David: [while transforming] I didn't mean to call you a meat loaf, Jack!
- David: Nurse!
- Jack: Listen to me!
- David: [crying] Nurse!
- Jack: The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely! Kill yourself, David, before you kill others.
- [David continues crying]
- Jack: Please don't cry.
- [still discussing how David can kill himself in order to lift the curse]
- Harry Berman: A gun is good.
- Judith Browns: You just put the gun to your forehead and pull the trigger.
- Gerald Bringsley: If you put it in your mouth, then you'd be sure not to miss.
- David: Thank you, you're all so thoughtful.
- Jack: Did you hear that?
- David: I heard that.
- Jack: What was it?
- David: Could be a lot of things.
- Jack: Yeah?
- David: A coyote.
- Jack: There aren't any coyotes in England.
- David: The Hound of the Baskervilles.
- Jack: Pecos Bill.
- David: Heathcliff.
- Jack: Heathcliff didn't howl!
- David: No, but he was on the moors.
- Jack: Now, I'm really sorry to be upsetting you, but I have to warn you.
- David: Warn me?
- Jack: We were attacked by a werewolf.
- David: [putting his hands over his ears] I'm not listening to this!
- Jack: On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted.
- David: Shut up!
- Jack: The wolf's bloodline must be severed; the last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. It's you, David.
- Jack: It's a full moon...
- Jack, David: [remembering the warning they received] Beware the moon...
- David: And stick to the road. Oops.
- Jack: I vote we go back to the Slaughtered Lamb.
- Jack: [describing his funeral] Debbie Klein cried a lot. So, so, you know what she does? She's soooo grief-stricken, she runs to find solace in Mark Levine's bed.
- David: Mark... Levine?
- Jack: An asshole! Life mocks me even in death!
- Jack: Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring.
- Jack: David, you are hurting my feelings!
- David: Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it might be unsettling to see you arise from the grave to visit me?
- [first lines]
- Truck Driver: That way is Proctor, and over here is the moors. I go this way.
- Jack: Thanks for the ride, sir. You have lovely sheep.
- Truck Driver: Boys, keep off the moors, stick to the roads. The best to ya...
- David: Thanks again.
- [then to the sheep]
- David: We'll miss you.
- David: Bye girls...
- Gerald Bringsley: [accusing David of his murder] Whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities.
- Alex: Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face and neck?
- David: I'm a werewolf.
- Alex: Are you alright?
- David: I don't know, I'll let you know the next full moon.
- David: I'm going to the police. Jack was right.
- Alex: Jack is dead!
- David: Jack is dead and six people are dead. There's gonna be a full moon tonight. I'm going to the cops.
- Alex: David, please be rational. Let's go to Dr. Hirsch.
- David: Yeah, be rational, sure. I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake!
- David: [sees Jack's reflection in bathroom mirror and shrieks] You're not real.
- Jack: Ah, don't be a putz, David. Come here.
- [motions, walks out of bathroom and looks inside bedroom door]
- Jack: A nurse, huh?
- David: [closes bedroom door] Shhh. Come on.
- [motions and walks to living room]
- David: What are you doing here?
- Jack: I wanted to see you.
- [picks up Mickey Mouse figure, moves its arm and uses high-pitched voice]
- Jack: Hi, David!
- David: Put that down! Okay, you've seen me. Now, go away.
- Jack: I'm sorry I'm upsetting you, David, but you don't understand what's going on.
- David: I understand all right. You're one of the "undead," and I'm a werewolf.
- Jack: Yes, that's right.
- David: Get out of here, Jack.
- Jack: Tomorrow night's the full moon. You're gonna change. You'll become...
- Jack: I know. I know. A monster.
- Jack: You've gotta kill yourself, David, before it's too late.
- David: Are you really dead, Jack?
- Jack: What do you think?
- David: I think I've lost my mind. I think you're not real. I think you're just another part of bad dream.
- Jack: You've gotta believe me David.
- David: Believe what? That tomorrow night, under the full moon, I'll sprout hair and fangs and eat people? Bullshit!
- Jack: Oh, goddammit, David, please believe me! You'll kill and make others like me. I'm not havin' a nice time here. You've gotta take your own life.
- David: I will not accept this. Go away.
- Jack: This is not pretend, David.
- David: I will not be threatened by a walking meatloaf!
- Jack: Ah, fuck, David... what IS THAT?
- Dr. J. S. Hirsch: You'll be leaving this hospital in three or four days. Please, remain sane. At least until you're no longer our responsibility.
- Taxi Driver: Puts you in mind of the days of the old demon barber of Fleet Street, don't it?
- Alex: Sorry?
- Taxi Driver: The murders.
- David: What murders?
- Taxi Driver: Haven't you heard? Last night... six of 'em. All in different parts of the city, all mutilated. He must be a real right maniac, this fella.
- Mr. Collins: These dumb ass kids. They never appreciate what you do for them.
- [Appearing for the first time as the undead]
- Jack: Can I have a piece of toast?
- [last lines]
- Alex: I love you David.
- David: [David has returned to Alex's flat wearing a womans coat] Good Morning. I'm freezing.
- Alex: David. Where on earth have you been.
- David: [excited] Alex you wont believe this. I have lost my mind. I woke up at the zoo.
- Alex: The zoo?
- David: [confused] What did I do last night?
- Alex: You don't remember?
- David: Well I remember seeing you to the door and waving goodbye, and getting locked out of the flat and coming in through the front window, I started to read then I woke up naked at the zoo.
- Alex: I'll be perfectly honest with you David, I'm not in the habit of bringing home stray, young American men.
- David: I should hope not.
- Alex: I find you very attractive - and a little bit sad.
- David: Look at me, here I sit in a porno theatre in Piccadilly Circus talking to a corpse.
- David: How could there have been witnesses? It was so dark. We were running, and I fell and Jack went to help me up, and this thing came from nowhere. I don't know what they're talking about.
- Sean's Wife: [looking out the window as the werewolf kills two people] Sean, I think there are some hooligans in the park again.
- Alf: Here! Who's there?
- Ted: That's not Winston!
- Alf: Look! There!
- Joseph: Mary, mother of God!
- Jack: Those sheep shit on my pack.
- Jack: [to the truck driver] You have very beautiful sheep.
- Dr. J. S. Hirsch: If I survived Rommel, I can survive another excruciating evening with Roger Matheson.
- Jack: It's a pentangle, a five-pointed star. It's used in witchcraft. Lon Chaney, Jr., at Universal Studios maintained that's the mark of the Wolf Man.
- Dr. J. S. Hirsch: I'm certain if there were a monster roaming around northern England, we'd have seen it on the telly.
- Alex: I'm torn between feeling very sorry for you and finding you terribly attractive.
- Dr. J. S. Hirsch: Sister Hobbs said, there's a disturbance in Piccadilly Circus involving some sort of mad dog.
- Alex: David.
- Jack: You're right, it is a pub.
- David: Okay, well, what do you say? We go in for a little food, huh? Drink, rest?
- Jack: The Slaughtered Lamb?
- David: [notices that the sign has a wolf head instead of a lamb] That's kinda strange.
- Jack: Where's the lamb?
- David: It's probably inside getting cold, come on.
- Jack: No, really. What kind of ad is that for a pub?
- David: I don't know, would you rather the Hilton?
- Jack: Alright, but whatever happens-- it's your fault.
- David: It's my fault.
- Jack: Right.
- David: Alright, come on.
- David: Maybe it's a sheep dog... let's keep going.
- Jack: Life mocks me... even in Death!
- David: I think Debbie Klein is a mediocre person with a good body.
- Jack: There is nothing mediocre about Debbie Klein's body.
- David: She's a jerk!
- Jack: You're talking about the woman I love.
- David: I'm talking about a girl you want to fuck, so give me a break.
- Jack: Alright. Well, I have to make love to her. It's really very simple. She has not choice.
- David: You know, it just fascinates me how much energy you spend on somebody so dull.
- Jack: There's nothing dull - about that body.
- David: We've known Debbie - what? Since the 8th grade? How many years of foreplay is that?
- Jack: She says she likes me too much.
- Alex: Shall I be forced to feed you, David?
- Jack: You scared me, you shithead!
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