Les Motos sauvages

Not "good bad" in the Plan 9 sense; just bad.

Since it's been 22 years since I saw this movie, I can't supply plot details, but the impression that it made on me -- that it was the worst movie released in the spring of 1980, and I saw every commercially released film that spring -- has stayed with me all these years.

I do recall that there didn't seem to be an original idea in the script or a single energetic performance among the cast, that most of the "funny" lines fell flat, and that quite a few people left the theatre before the end.

Sorry; wish I could add something positive here, but ... well, this bad a review might at least garner it some video rentals by the curious and masochistic ...

This is how I resume this movie...

Tell a washed-up story told many times and make it a bad script...

Put some cardboard signs over french signs or copyrighted products to pass Montreal for an American City...

Hire some second rate American actors to play the lead roles...

Shoot this on bad quality film and equipment...

Dub it in the worst Parisian French (yes, dubbed in Paris !) to show it to the French Canadian movie market (don't forget, this is Canadian even if the action's in the States, eh ? Bilingual country, isn't it eh ?)

And voila, a turkey made for order. Watch it once, get bored, forget it !

Hog Wild has Michael Biehn as an All American screw up who gets tossed out of military school being at the wrong place wrong time. It's all quite disappointing to his father who's a blithering idiot but that's beside the point.

He's got to go to public high school somewhere in red state USA where a biker gang headed by Tony Rosato runs the school. Sometimes one steps reluctantly into the role of hero. But when you have the inducement of biker chick Patti D'Arbanville to win, Biehn shows the right stuff.

This gang was about as frightening as the bunch that Harvey Lembeck led in those Beach Party films. Must be their children.

This one is really dumb. Don't waste your time.

In terms of cinematic greatness, the film falls WAY short. However, I liked it. First off, it stars a few of the teen aged actors who were in Meatballs, which is considered to be a very good teen comedy. Gil Lasky, who played Spazz in Meatballs plays Gil Lasky, the best friend of Michael Biehan's character. Also, Keith Knight, who played Larry "Fink" Finkelstein in Meatballs has a small role as a nerdy kid named Vern who wants to join the motorcycle gang.

My favorite actor in the film was Tony Rosato, who played Bull, the leader of the motorcycle gang. He would mumble his lines, which would then be interpreted by the gang's second-in-command, Bean. Rosato went on to join the ensemble casts of SCTV and SNL at different times. He has also been an in-demand voice man for cartoons, most notably the Super Mario Bros. cartoons where he does the voice of Lugi.

The music in the film was very good. IMDb has it listed as being by someone other than the credits on the film. Most of the music was written by a guy named Dwayne Ford. There was one tune, played twice, which is a seemingly unfinished country tune called Cowboys and Rustlers, which was exceptional. I tracked down the song's author and contacted him a few years back, asking whether a complete version of the tune was ever recorded. He replied that it was never completed, and that he is still owed revenue from the producer of the film.

MARK

I would advise skipping this one. It's a teenage comedy without a laugh to be had with the two leads Angie (Patti D'Arbanville) and Tim (Michael Beihn) having less then zero percent chemistry. There is running joke with the head of the abusive biker gang Bull (Tony Rosado) constantly mumbling while his side kick Bean (Anjelo Rizacos) translates for him which becomes annoying within the first ten minutes.

The bikers shame the nerds until they finally fight back and then there is the motorcycle race at the end. I felt violated waiting for this dog to present one funny moment and it may have been the worst comedy of the 1980's. I like "B" movies but not this one what a bummer it is. Liberal Whackadoodle Stephanie Miller has a bit part and was quite beautiful circa 1980 I must say. The only reason it gets a two star is because of the cool dirt bike stunt riding scenes during the race. Don't do it and if you do don't blame me I tried to warn you.