Cuba Crossing

Cuba Crossing is a decent "B" movie, if you're just looking for some entertainment on a rainy Sunday afternoon. The film starts off remarkably well, but then trails off into a plot with-in a plot, with-in a plot. In other words, it just doesn't work on a film with a shoe-string budget. The whole film has a very cheap feel about it. You do get to see a little of vintage Key west before it was discovered by the Yuppies. However, all the leading actors look like they have been on a ten-day drinking binge. They look tired, worn out, and just plain listless. When the movie first came out in 1980 it managed to stir some controversy in the South Florida area, however, once the movie was seen, everyone realized the movie wasn't worth a protest, and after a week drifted away.

Right down the line, there is every evidence that "Cuba Crossing" was NOT made by the National Tourism Board of Cuba.

As you may have guessed from the synopsis (or the many titles), a group of mercenaries sets off to Cuba to assassinate Fidel Castro. Lotsa fun, right?

There is absolutely no one to root for in this mess, the scenes set in Cuba look so cheap as to be lifted from every other Cuba travelogue movie and there is a body count that would make Rambo proud.

"Yes, but is it good," you may ask. I'm here to tell you, kids, that not even Sybil Danning's presence makes this anything worth sitting through.

And if I can say that, you know there is something wrong with this one.

One star, in sympathy for Sybil.

This is a muddled (to say nothing of misguided) adventure-cum-political thriller, ostensibly revolving around an assassination attempt on the life of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. One such attempt had really occurred in 1961, cue muffled newsreel footage of the era and an amateurish re-enactment of the event – which was stifled before it had even begun, when the American forces were intercepted and annihilated at a place called Bay Of Pigs!

A survivor of that debacle – Robert Vaughn – is called upon by his old boss Raymond St. Jacques to try again some twenty years later; however, Vaughn has to make do with the dubious help of an abrasive and foul-mouthed Italian mobster (Michael V. Gazzo) and the "salty" skipper of a tugboat (Stuart Whitman), who's suspicious of the whole affair – shades of Howard Hawks' adaptation of Ernest Hemingway's TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT (1944). Eventually, it transpires that the assassination plot was just a ruse to transport a cache' of heroin from Cuba to Key West, Florida – as a matter of fact, once the deal is closed, the boss sells the expendable members of the outfit to the Cubans! Then, as was the case with the excellent Jean-Paul Belmondo vehicle THE PROFESSIONAL (1981; which, coincidentally, I've just watched), Vaughn – obsessed by his personal hatred of Castro – decides to pull off the job nonetheless, a' la Fritz Lang's MANHUNT (1941; where the target had been Adolf Hitler), but is thwarted in the attempt.

Also in the cast are Woody Strode as Whitman's loyal and imposing black sidekick and Sybil Danning as Gazzo's moll (in charge of overseeing Whitman's family which has been kidnapped as a safeguard); for good measure, another female 'agent' has been brought in to seduce the hard-boiled skipper, but she too is callously gotten out of the way once she has served her purpose! An out-and-out B-movie, this isn't exactly laugh-out-loud bad – though there are certainly a number of cringe-inducing (and, as it happens, wholly irrelevant) bits involving the antics of a gay regular (with a huge head of hair!) at Whitman's bar and a sumo-type match between a couple of strapping black wrestlers. Equally amusing, however, are the scene in which the irate Whitman drives his jeep through the wall of Vaughn's headquarters and Gazzo's come-uppance at the hands of a bevy of man-eating sea turtles!

The film must not have appealed to anyone at the time and, in fact, has a plethora of alternate titles attached to it – depending on the element the producers wished to stress, these included such awkward titles as ASSIGNMENT – KILL CASTRO and SWEET DIRTY TONY (referring to Whitman's rugged hero). Finally, given the excessive softness of the image, one can only assume that the DVD I watched was sourced from a VHS transfer!

A team of mercenaries bands together to plot the assassination of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. One of them is Hud (Robert Vaughn), who's looking for some payback because he was present at the Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961. Part of the plot will involve the hiring of Capt. Tony (Stuart Whitman), a combination boat captain / saloon owner who will transport key personnel. But the powers that be are wary of the Captain, and bring in a specialist (Caren Kaye) who will supposedly work her charms on him and command most of his attention. Also involved is American mobster Rossellini (Michael Gazzo), who is bankrolling the operation.

It turns out, not everything is what it seems in this routine B level nonsense, that actually lays out some opening narration that is pretty damn ridiculous. Sloppy storytelling and crude filmmaking (Chuck Workman is a co-writer and the director) result in a silly minor league flick, which may still draw some people in due to the talent assembled on screen. But don't be fooled: they've been better utilized in other things. Whitman and Vaughn in particular look very weary. Giving the proceedings a bit of a lift is the always hilarious Gazzo, and a very amusing Raymond St. Jacques as the guy who's supposed to be in charge of things. The cast of familiar faces also includes Sybil Danning (who's seen much too briefly), Woody Strode (engaging, as always, as Whitmans' first mate), and Albert Salmi (in another of his cranky lawman roles).

Filmed largely in Key West, Florida, this could at least have been somewhat appealing visually, but this aspect is diluted due to the cheapness on display. One especially absurd touch is that when animals are supposedly chowing down on characters, you never see the animal and the individual in the same shot.

It ends on a somewhat engaging final note, due to an insidiously catchy ditty called "Holly-Ho Havana" that accompanies the end credits.

Five out of 10.