La mansión de los muertos vivientes

Well, first things first...

Jess Franco tries, bless him, he really does, but unfortunately the man hasn't had an original thought in his life nor would he know an erotic scenario if it bit him in the arse! (although you can be sure if that ever does happen he'll film it & stick it in a movie!). Before anyone thinks I'm just Franco bashing, I'm not, I've now seen over 60 of his movies so think I've seen enough to have a pretty good idea of what I'm talking about, I even like some!

For anyone not very knowledgeable about his work, the Franco process of film-making seems to go something like this:

1) He sees someone else's film.

2) He quickly rehashes it, adds in some god-awful ugly sex scenes, all of which takes a couple of days and hey presto, a week later the film's released!

And that's about it. I've yet to see an erotic moment in any of his films (though the moments in this one are probably the least annoying of his I've seen) and most of the naked women he's used aren't all that attractive either (although again, to be fair the women in this movie are about the best I've seen in a Franco film), so no real reprieve there.

Personally I prefer it when he leaves out the sex altogether, but even then (as is the case with 'Mansion of the Living Dead') he's so ham fisted in his approach that he generally ruins any element of horror there might've been.

Having said all that, this is still one of my top 10 Franco films, which to be fair says a whole lot more about his other films than it does this one as it's at best only decidedly average!

As a side note, on the region 1 DVD release of this Mr Franco has some very derogatory comments to be made about a certain George A. Romero which I have to say are completely out of order, not to mention contradictory (his comments about them being slow!), especially when you consider the movie Franco was rehashing here was 'Tombs of the Blind Dead' - itself a (great) movie which would never have existed had Romero not redefined the zombie, moved it into modern times and made it into what it still is today! And that's without even getting into comparing the talent of the two men, which is never going to be in Franco's favour! It basically just sounds like sour grapes, as Romero had something which still eludes Franco today - an idea!

Shame on you Jesus!

I watched this movie a couple of years ago; I believe it was in Spanish with no subtitles, but that didn't really matter. What mattered was that it was fantastic! I know 95% of the world's population wouldn't agree with me, but I always had a thing for old sleaze/horror movies which seem to be made just because the director had nothing to do, had had a funny dream he wanted to realize, or that he just needed money.

As for this film, I couldn't understand why the title had anything to do with the action. I only remember some scenes with cloaked individuals walking slowly as though in some kind of procession. And there was a man (Antonio Mayans I believe) talking often to some girls, and there were scenes of various sexual intercourse; although I found the atmosphere in the film very serious and unpretentious.

There is one very interesting scene where a couple of girls are lying on the beach, and suddenly a meat cleaver flies through the air, thrown from a hotel window high above, and lands in the sand just beside them. I was intrigued by that scene, quite intimidating.

Only Franco (Oasis of the zombies) and D'Amato (Porno Holocaust, Erotic nights of the living dead) could make movies with this kind of enchanting atmosphere. A solemn, sombre echo from an era since long lost, which after the forgetful ravages of time still can like the bird of Phoenix rise from the ashes of oblivion to once again let its plumage shine with unprecedented respectability.

Mansion of the Living Dead (1982)

* (out of 4)

I've seen around eighty or so Jess Franco flicks and this one here was probably my most desired to see. An unofficial entry into the Blind Dead series, this film takes place at a deserted hotel where four waitresses have gone for a vacation. Soon, the living dead Templars show up to sacrifice them. As is to be expected, there's all sorts of nudity and lesbian sex because the cast members, which includes Lina Romay and Eva Leon, (from Naschy's House of the Psychotic Women) are just downright horny. We get various sex scenes, which are sometimes erotic but after a while they become quite tiresome. As for the horror elements, they are incredibly weak. In the interview on the disc Franco admits he hates living dead films and he doesn't even like Romero. Franco should probably watch this film again and see how bad it is. Every single item here is deadly dull and the story makes no sense whatsoever. I actually kept myself somewhat entertained by trying to figure out what must have been in Franco's mind while coming up with the story here.

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Mansion Of The Living Dead; here's the breakdown of my ratings:

Story: 0.25 Direction: 1.00 Pace: 0.25 Acting: 0.25 Enjoyment: 0.25

TOTAL: 2 out of 10

The one thing I need in a good Horror flick is a story. It doesn't have to be outstanding, just plausible and/or have a first-rate concept at its heart. Sadly, Mansion Of The Living Dead, though it does possess a decent idea, is so terribly structured and written it harms the movie beyond repair. Jesus Franco may be an average director, who occasionally hits the right spots, but he's no scribe. The story is too slow, all over the place, and most of the mysteries are ignored or extremely under-cooked. In the right hands, it could have been excellent. I particularly liked the cursed notion and the empty hotel and village concepts.

Surprisingly, Franco does a lot better when he takes the director's chair. Some scenes show off his talents ideally. The scene where one of the holidayers finds her friend face down in the pool is one example of his imaginative style. The girl, her friend, and the hotel manager run to the poolside, but there's no floater. As the girls discuss it may have been a mistake, Franco pans down to the pool's reflection, and we hear the manager make his goodbyes; On the water's blue surface, we watch him walk away, and the ladies follow. It's a small thing, but it's creative and makes the segment more engaging. Sadly, there are too few to help the movie repair the story's damage. Most of the film consists of average composition, which sometimes is out of focus. It's dreadful when you can't get a cameraman to keep the image sharp. Maybe blind cameramen work cheaper? What with the toplessness and nudity in the film, perhaps he went blind while filming. I mean, they have these girls walk around the hotel starkers. Now, why can't I find these hotels? Then we have the special effects, which consist of crappy plastic skull masks and cheap make-up. And they ran short of masks, and money for make-up because the Father of the religious order is simply normal. Lamentably, the most inferior element to the directing is the lack of pacing. It goes the same way as the story, and like the story, it only adds to the viewers' boredom.

The acting is terrible, especially from the two leading cast members. There are a lot of pregnant pauses that don't work, I can only imagine they're there because Romay and Mayans were reading from cards. There's no emotion in most scenes, and there's definitely no chemistry between Romay and Mayans, though she is about to save his soul with their love for one another. And, as for the girl on girl kissing, well, for actresses, they don't execute passion too well. It's more amusing than sensually provocative.

Mansion Of The Living Dead is a stinker of a movie, and I wholly advise giving it as wide a berth as possible. And remember, I watched this movie, so you don't have to.

Please feel free to visit my Absolute Horror list to see where I ranked Mansion Of The Living Dead.

Take Care & Stay Well.

I had high hopes for this one. After watching the excellent Macumba Sexual (Made around the same time, with the same locations and most of the same actors) I was expecting this one to be as good as that one. But it wasn't. Mansion of the Living Dead is one of the worst movies Jess Franco ever directed. The plot had potential, but it's not handle well. The pace is very slow and even the sex scenes drag a bit. Also, the make up of the monks is awful!

But the movie also have some good things, like the beautiful, paradise-like beach, which gives the film a certain atmosphere, very creepy in some scenes. Also good is lead actress Lina Romay, looking very hot especially in the scenes where she walks completely naked through the hotel.

From the boring sex scenes (I can't believe I just say that!) to the embarrassing attempt to create a story make this movie one of Franco's worst. Not recommended at all. Check out "Macumba Sexual" (1983) or "Gemidos de Placer" (1983) instead.