Horror House on Highway Five

I only hope my VCR can recover. Lets rate the individual parts shall we:

Acting - BAD Story Line - BAD Dialoge - BAD Cinematography - BAD Effects - BAD

Well, you get the picture. No, don't get the picture. This movie was surprisingly made in 1985. It looks more like an early 70's movie. You would hope at least their would be some gratuitous nudity or some gory killing. But no. The killing scenes are comical and the women remain annoyingly unexposed. The Nixon mask thing could have been more comical if the directors and producers had any clue but alas, they do not.

I rented this with such skepticism. And you know, I thought it would be so cool. Really violent and terrifying. It would be disgustingly gory at times, and just somewhat above the bar horror yarn. What I got was something so totally different.

The movie starts with this woman in her home. Her husband goes out somewhere, telling her he'll be back. Pretty soon, he's a goner, and his killer takes a Nixon mask the guy used to scare his wife and puts it on. Then the wacko goes into the house to get the wife. The scene moves so damn slow, even though it is supposed to be scary. There is, like, no sound, the wife reacts to everything, like, five or ten seconds after it happens, and there's this really gross scene where she falls on this glass table and her whole wrist is shredded up and off. And there's, like, two drops of blood! Then the scene continues, and we all knows what happens next.

The movie moves on, and we find out about this wacko father and his two sons. Then enter these three college students getting to know about Highway Five. One of the girls--I can't remember why--meets the two brothers, who eventually invite her back to their apartment. It's all so very surreal. Eventually, that night, they kidnap her and take her to their house up on Highway Five.

The two others--a freaky pothead guy and some hippie-esque girl--head up to this abandoned lot on Highway Five in their van, to do something. Research, I suppose. I have faint memory. Cut to many scenes with the other girl, then nighttime. This movie is so weird and I won't tell you everything, but soon, the killers start killing everybody off until this long--and quite weird--chase scene with the hippie and Nixon. Then an ending that I have to admit, left me on the edge of my seat until the very unique and very cool ending.

I totally suggest checking this movie out. It has cult potential. I could watch this many times. It is so weird. If you find this, PLEASE see it. At first, you will hate it, then you will like it for how cheesy it is. If anything, you have never seen anything like this before.

What can I say? This is the absolute WORST movie EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER made. And that's a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT! There is no plot, no acting, no direction, no anything! It's worse than "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" only it takes itself seriously! Now granted it is funny to see Richard Nixon killing people, the death scenes suck. I am also not surprised to see that EVERY actor/actress in this movie have this film as their only credit on the IMDb. Skip this trash unless you absolutely do not believe me. I will give it this: there is definitely nothing else remotely like it! And it had a cool tagline: "They were young and in love. He was crazy. She was dead." Funny stuff.

This forgotten 80s slasher is truly one that has to be seen to be believed. Its got a killer in a Richard Nixon mask, a couple of Nazi brothers, a girl getting her chest ironed (!), invisible whipping weapons (think Phantasm but on a much lower budget), a teleporting disemboweled cat, brain-eating maggots, surf-rock music, and more! None of it makes any sense and by no means is it a good movie but its so bizarre you just cant take your eyes off it! Love the scene where a chick throws herself into a glass coffee table...to get away from the killer! The DVD is the quality of a VHS transfer but, in this case, it actually kinda helps the film by giving it the grainy picture effect that works well for a film of this "so bad it's almost good" caliber.

HHOH5 will cause any "Scream"-fan to shut the tape off in under three minutes. However, fans of horrible horrors will eat up the killer-in-a-Richard-Nixon mask thing, as well as plenty of priceless dialogue. You've been warned.