Les dessous d'Hollywood

Every once in a while when you sit down in front of the TV to be entertained, you don't want to have to think or analyze or correlate anything that you're watching. Sometimes you just want to put your brain on hold and watch pretty people in pretty costumes having pretty problems. If you like to indulge in mindless potboilers every now and then have your fill with the 1985 miniseries Hollywood WIVES, the trashy multi-episodic miniseries based on the equally trashy Jackie Collins novel. The story follows a select circle of Hollywood friends, acquaintances, newcomers, secretholders, adulterers and their various escapades. Now, let's see if I can remember all of this...Steve Forrest is an actor looking for a comeback and neglecting wife Candice Bergen while having an affair with Mary Crosby...producer/director Anthony Hopkins is cheating on screenwriter wife Stefanie Powers with blackmailing bimbo Suzanne Somers...Andrew Stevens and wife Catherine Mary Stewart move to Hollywood so that he can begin a career as an actor but she's the one who ends up having a career, being drafted by the studio head (Rod Steiger) who wants her for the lead in a film that Hopkins promised to Somers. When Stevens' career goes nowhere, he gets hired by Roddy McDowell to be a male escort to make ends meet. Stevens by the way, has a dual role as a psycho who comes to Hollywood to find the mother that gave him up for adoption many years ago. Those are the main story lines so if you're in the mood for some mindless eye candy, sit back and enjoy.

For the most part, I found this trash-fest quite entertaining. However, having read the Jackie Collins book before watching the miniseries, I was rather horrified by the casting of Stefanie Powers as "Montana Gray." In the book, that character was described as in her late twenties, with long black hair. And yet here she's being played by the 40-something redhead Powers?! I suppose that since Powers was basically the queen of 1980s miniseries and TV-movies, she had the ego and the clout to get herself cast in that role. And...It didn't work. At all!

Everyone else in the cast was fun and portrayed their respective characters believably, though.

If you haven't read the book, you might enjoy this second or third-rate series with lots of famous names in the cast. But the book was really very explicit, so to make this sort of sugary series in which nothing untoward happens or is shown, no full-frontal nudity of either sex... I'm sorry! Utter disappointment, and a complete waste of time. I hope some streaming network might have the guts to do a remake, this time without the Victorian prudishness that is really insulting in this version. Jackie Collins deserves better, and so do we. Dressing the piano legs as obscene is hardly what was needed, even in the 1980-s.

I can only imagine that in the mid-80s actors like Anthony Hopkins, Angie Dickinson, Candace Bergen and Robert Stack must have all needed sudden cash infusions. For what other reason would they agree to star in a miniseries so ridden with bad dialogue that it makes "Saved by the Bell" look like Masterpiece Theater.

This little "gem" pops up on WE (Women's Entertainment channel) quite often and should be savored for the guilty pleasure it is. How often do you get to see (now Sir) Anthony Hopkins trade cheezy cliches with former "Three's Company" gal Suzanne Sommers? Or watch Angie Dickinson spit out venomous double entendres? For these reasons alone, this Jackie Collins novel turned movie must be watched.

Oh, and get a load of the late Rod Steiger's ATROCIOUS toupee! Where is Sy Spurling when you need him???

Lies, murder, incest, prostitution, skeletons, sex, adultery, fashion, and back stabbing, you get this all here in Jackie Colins's trashy novel, which comes to life in this spectacular mini-series. The theme song alone is worth owning a copy of this miniseries. The late legendary Laura Branigan bails out this song with lyrics such "the men with their lies on Rodeo Drive." Why this has never been released on a Laura Branigan's greatest hits albums is beyond me. The 3 episode mini-series was released in 1985. It features an all star cast which includes: Candice Bergen, Joanna Cassidy, Mary Crosby, Robert Stack, Steve Forrest, Angie Dickinson, Suzanne Somers, Rod Steiger, Anthony Hopkins, Stephanie Powers, Roddy McDowall, Andrew Stevens and Catherine Mary Stewart. The television show has many story lies and plenty of glamor. Suzanne Somers makes a return after losing her contract with "Three's Company" as an ambitious sex symbol movie star, who will do anything to get a great movie role. In summary, you get Chrissy as a whore without her little girl's voice. Also, Candice Bergen gives an effective performance as a neglected wife to fading actor Steve Forrest. Angie Dickinson is a very powerful agent with a big skeleton in her closet. Stephanie Powers is an on the rise movie script writer, who doesn't know her husband, Anthony Hopkins is cheating with Suzanne Somers. Mary Crosby is the spoiled rich bitch who sleeps with her best friend's husband to get attention from her father, Robert Stack. Andrew Stevens,actress Connie Steven's look alive son, plays a dual role, one as a mentally disturbed twin and the other twin as a guy looking to get into movies. Catherine Mary Stewart is married to the the good twin and is quite beautiful. There is a great revelation at the end but I am not going to spoil this for you. Funny scenes: Stephanie Powers at a Hollywood party being almost thrown out because she is driving a Volkswagon. Candice Bergen's kleptomaniac scenes, and Suzanne Somers and Anthony Hopkins bedroom scene at the end. This is definitely worth having in your collection. Why this isn't released on DVD is a wonder. It is definitely much better than the other Hollywood Wives movie with Farrah Fawcett and Melissa Gilbert. Find a copy for your collection or write to the producers to have this on DVD.