Wheels of Fire

Wheels of Fire is another low-budget rip-off of The Road Warrior from Filipino director Cirio H. Santiago, packed with poorly executed action scenes, diabolical acting, and cruddy costumes and props (one motorbike is customised with what looks like plastic halloween pitchforks), all of which only serves to further illustrate just how brilliant George Miller's iconic movie actually is.

Gary Watkins plays Trace, a fearless warrior who takes on the evil Scourge (Joe Mari Avellana) and his ruthless gang after they kidnap and gang rape his sister Arlie (played by big-breasted blonde Playboy playmate Lynda Wiesmeier). On his mission, Trace teams up with tough female fighter Stinger (Laura Banks), telepath Spike (Linda Grovenor), and a dwarf who speaks a bizarre language (this character probably has a silly name as well, but I don't recall what it was).

With a race of subterranean albino cannibals and a cult of struggling survivors who are building a rocket to the planet Paradise, this one gets pretty silly at times, but Santiago's uninspired direction, the dreadful dialogue, and dismal performances ensure that boredom is never far away. Wiesmeir is game for being strapped topless to the hood of a speeding car, and Trace flame-throwing countless bikers is fun for a while, but the bulk of the film is pure post-apocalyptic poop.

3.5 out of 10, rounded up to 4 for IMDb.

Max had the V-8, Trace (Wheels of Fires last and only hero) has a jet engine on the back of his car allowing him to make unintentionally humorous faces as he rockets around the halfway desolate wasteland. Be amazed as Mad Max 2 (aka The Road Warrior) is dissected and spliced back together as a new movie albeit filmed in a lackluster manner with bad actors and lousy stunt work.

Why is WoF set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland? Simple, The Road Warrior was! Actually any questions can be answered by: it was that way in the Road Warrior! Except for the out of work mutant actors from the original 60's The Time Machine film that make a cameo appearance for sake of giving the audience some non-vehicular action to chew on for a few minutes.

In typical 80's fashion, all cars driven by bad guys that are bumped or slightly jostled explode in a huge billowing explosion. Inevitably all car chases will happen near convenient cliff sides and cars will unavoidably fall off of them. Along with this 80's cinematic wild ride is the general rampant misogyny in this style of cheapie film. Generally I waited for Trace's rocket powered car to accelerate and shoot flames so there would be another shot of him scrunching up his face like he is supposed to be tough, which comes off more as him looking constipated. Badly choreographed action coupled with bad acting makes this film a true sinker. The unintentional humor value even manages to wear thin.

Rats: Nights of Terror by Bruno Mattei is superior. And that in and of itself is saying a lot! By this count 2020 Texas Gladiators is a cinematic masterpiece compared to Wheels of Fire. A poor Road Warrior knock off that doesn't have near enough cheese factor to make the film watchable.

Yet another in the assembly line of low budget "Mad Max" / "Road Warrior" ripoffs actually isn't bad at all, even if it IS derivative. Give credit to the extremely prolific producer & director Cirio H. Santiago: he takes the script by Frederick Bailey and just hits the ground running. He offers very little in the way of let-up, and plenty of action. Our hero could have used a touch more charisma, but he's passable, and the bad guys are such loathsome scum that it's satisfying to watch them come to their ends.

Gary Watkins ("The Long Riders", "Johnny Dangerously") stars as "Trace", a lone wolf in a post- apocalypse future. His kid sister Arlie (Playboy Playmate Lynda Wiesmeier) ends up abducted by the villainous Highway Warriors led by a power crazed goon appropriately named "Scourge" (Joe Mari Avellana, a familiar name to you if you've watched enough Filipino exploitation). With the help of a killer named "Stinger" (Laura Banks) and a young clairvoyant girl named "Spike" (Linda Grovenor), he takes on the scores of minions that come his way.

"Wheels of Fire" is going to be too nasty and hard-edged for some tastes. It will never be mistaken for a feminist statement. But those of you who love a bit of sleaze to go with your brainless futuristic thrills should be more than satisfied. Wiesmeier is made to go topless a great deal of the time, and at one point is tied spread eagle across the hood of a car. There's no excessive gore to concern more squeamish viewers, but that DOESN'T mean that this isn't still plenty violent. For example, Trace has a flamethrower mounted on his vehicle and he just LOVES to set guys on fire.

Performances are all perfectly suited to the material. They won't win Oscars, but who cares? Watkins is okay, and the ladies look just fine. Fortunately, both Banks and Grovenor get to be fairly heroic themselves and handle themselves capably in fight scenes. Avellana is a decent villain, Joseph Zucchero is amusing as a dude named "Whiz", and Jack S. Daniels is a hoot as a wretched piece of excrement named "Scag".

Acceptable genre entertainment gets its biggest boost from the rousing, full orchestral score by the talented Christopher Young ("Hellraiser").

Seven out of 10.

Rating Breakdown Story - 0.75 :: Direction - 1.00 :: Pacing - 1.00 :: Performances - 1.25 :: Entertainment - 1.00 TOTAL - 5/10

There is a peculiar joy in the anarchic wreckage of a post-apocalyptic action flick. It is the joy of twisted metal, dust-cloaked antiheroes, and vehicles welded together by madmen. "Wheels of Fire" rolls onto the cinematic wasteland like a scavenged husk of "Mad Max", kicking up dirt but never quite igniting.

The plot is simple. How far will a man go to save his sister? All the way to the end credits, it seems. Our hero, the uninspiringly named "Trace," embarks on a quest to rescue his kidnapped sibling from a gang of wasteland barbarians. Along the way, there are enslaved prisoners, desert mystics, and gunfights shot with the elegance of a bar brawl filmed by a cameraman with heatstroke.

Surprisingly, the film does not shy away from true dystopian depravity. The usual grimy, leather-clad villains twirl their nonexistent mustaches, but here, the depths of human degradation go even lower. This is not thought-provoking cinema, but it commits fully to its vision of societal collapse.

The actors do far more than the script or direction deserve. No one expected Shakespearean gravitas, yet they take their roles seriously, even when spouting dialogue that sounds like it was scribbled on a diner napkin. Their performances prevent the film from sinking entirely into oblivion, though I did find myself reorganizing my bookshelf during some of the slower moments, a damning sign for an action flick.

Cirio H. Santiago's direction is serviceable but uninspired. The genre thrives on striking imagery, lonely highways, blazing sunsets, the sheer emptiness of ruin, but here, the visuals never rise above functional. A better sense of pacing and atmosphere could have elevated "Wheels of Fire" beyond mediocrity.

And that pacing, oh dear. A post-apocalyptic action film should not feel pedestrian. There should be a rhythm of chaos and calm, tension and release. Instead, "Wheels of Fire" idles when it should be revving. The action sequences are a mixed bag, sometimes visceral, sometimes sluggish.

So, is "Wheels of Fire" worth watching? If you relish straight-to-video dystopian destruction, you might enjoy it. If you seek the operatic brilliance of "The Road Warrior," best keep driving. This is a film that could have been more, could have done more, if only it had a little more fuel in the tank. As it stands, it is a curiosity; watchable, occasionally intriguing, but ultimately disposable. The kind of movie you put on when it is raining outside, there is nothing better on television, and you feel like spending an hour and a half in the apocalypse, just not the good apocalypse.

I was watching the great movie Barbarian Queen, when it was over we decided to FFWD to see if there was anything extra on the video. To our surprise we saw the best preview ever, the title.....Wheel of Fire. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen, one of the best parts was when they strapped the main character's sister to the hood of a car, topless. If you're ever bored out of your mind rent Barbarian Queen just the see the end preview