Le chevalier du monde perdu

Elegantly, wonderfully, deliciously bad. The only way to truly appreciate this cinematic train wreck is to watch the MST3K version (less than a minute into the opening credits, Tom Servo asks, "Is it too late to kill myself?") Robert Ginty mumbles and grumbles his "dialog", Donald Pleasance reprises his many roles as the androgenous bad-ass, and a supporting cast of extras resembling Jimmy Carter, Saddam, Bluto, and Mimi keep things moving. One of the many films that makes an inexact science of ballistics -- no one with a gun can manage to even nick another character with a shot, even at point-blank range. Worth seeing, if only to watch in sadistic delight as "Megaweapon" runs over Einstein, the squeaky-voiced, talking motorcycle.

The Paper Chase Guy along with his talking bike with graphics straight outta Pong ride around in the apocalypse and meet the Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture! A bunch of stuff happens and the two end up saving the Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture's father, aka Jimmy Carter, from the bad guys dressed like Nazis. Whoops, while they may have saved Jimmy Carter, the Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture got left behind! Now she's being held captive by the evil Donald Plesence. A bunch of other stuff happens that isn't relevant at all to the plot. In the end The Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture was saved and she and the Paper Chase Guy KISS in the most disgusting scene you have ever seen in your life!! And that damn bike with the Pong graphics came back to life too.

Ok, so this movie doesn't exactly have the greatest acting, special effects, or even a PLOT ... BUT if has one thing no other movie has! The one and only MEGAWEAPON!! It's worth it to sit through all the horrors of the movie just to see the glorious Megaweapon!!

Megaweapon is this magical being who attempted to destroy the Paper Chase Guy! Megaweapon even SQUISHED the evil bike with Pong graphics ... but recall how I mentioned it came back to life, hmph. Then the Paper Chase Guy had to go and destroy the wondrous Megaweapon! Oh the horror! Never fear, Megaweapon has the power of repairing himself!!! It's part of the magic that IS Megaweapon!!

Watch this movie for no reason other than Megaweapon, and laugh at all the scenes without Megaweapon.

A hilariously bad rip off of Mad Max - dubbed "Sad Max" by Joel Hodgson on MST3K - about a jag-off loner, played by Robert "Paper Chase Guy" Ginty, who gets caught up in a plot by the Outsiders and their Elders to overthrow an evil government tyrant played by Donald Pleasance, who must have needed the money real bad, chosen because he is "pure in spirit" despite being a total prick with very little in the way of honor, courage, nobility, etc, yet somehow able to fly helicopters and shoot straight. In order to save the day, Paper Chase Guy has to recruit a rag tag group of idiots including geeks/Renegade Burger King Window Guys, a few soldiers, a black Nazi, white Ninjas, Amazons, truckers, a dwarf lumber-jack and "the Beige Berets". The late great Star Trek chick Persis Khmbata shows up as eye candy, also presumably because she must have needed the money really bad, and Fred Williamson plays a guy who starts out with the heroes but then turns out to be a villain. Lots of car crashes, people getting beaten up, run over, shot, blown to bits, etc.

More hilarious ineptitude than you can shake a stick at, this was one of the best Mystery Science Theatre 3000 rift fests ever. It should be viewed no other way.

Director David Worth brings us a tried and true post apocalyptic formula film and he comes up with a winner. Our reluctant very low key hero The Rider (Robert Ginty) is compelled into helping rescue the Professor by the Professor's daughter the lovely (Natasia) Persis Khambatta. The Rider rescues the Professor but unfortunately leaves Natasia behind, oh well. The Professor then brings the chosen one along, his rescuer The Rider, to recruit a bunch of nomads who spend their days fighting each other in a circle. The Rider, as the chosen one, must defeat all of the sweaty nomads so they will be compelled to follow their new leader the Professor. I typically find myself fast forwarding through many fight scenes but not this one with girls fighting guys and guys fighting blackbelts, and throw a skinny 12 year old boy who is all heart for the fight, and the requisite little person, wow, you have a highly entertaining fighting sequences reminiscent of a great western bar room brawl. The Professor and the Rider then lead the nomads back to rescue Natasia and overthrow the evil (Prosor), played by the always dependable Donald Pleasence, who rules over a THX 1138 type kingdom.

That's pretty much the simplified plot, but with an Italian flair, The Rider's A. I. motorcycle, great chase and fight scenes combined with a number of explosions that Hal Needham would have been proud of this one really works and may be the best 1980's Italian post apocalypse films which I am sure you will agree is high praise indeed. Don't miss it.

A "Star Wars"-style word scroll informs us that the nuclear war has been fought, leaving the Earth a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but the world we see in the movie isn't very wastelandy at all, what with all the scenic country roads and large office complexes. We meet "The Warrior" (Robert Ginty), a completely average and fairly loathsome guy who crashes his "Supersonic Speed Cycle" into a very obvious and easily avoidable wall. This convinces some fey, robe-clad elderly types that he is some sort of chosen one, so Fred "Hammer" Williamson and Persis "Star Trek" Kambata (with hair) enlist him to help save her Jimmy Carter-like father from the vaguely evil Prossor (enduring fav Donald Pleasance, great as always). What evil things Prossor is up to are unclear, although they involve lots of Nazi-looking guards who turn into dummies when they fall off of buildings. Plus he employs lots of leather-clad S&M dancers who stretch and gyrate all over each other, which doesn't seem very evil at all to me.

Anyhoo, despite his constant whining and lack of any discernible skills, The Warrior succeeds in saving Carter, only to leave Persis behind for no reason other than him being a total jerk. He and Carter go to a fight in the desert that looks like the one from the beginning of "Any Which Way You Can", save for the monkey pooping in squad cars. After fighting a bunch of random characters (ninjas, amazons, truckers, a lumberjack dwarf, a Divine look-a-like) he gets them all to unite to take on Prossor, who employs "Megaweapon" to demolish them. Megaweapon is a giant truck modified to spurt flames out it's front and- that's about it. It's really slow and clunky and easy to avoid, but it does manage to crush Warrior's incredibly annoying bike (which, I failed to mention, talks. In a Valley Girl voice. Ick.). Megaweapon easily out-acts the unintelligible Ginty.

Some other stuff happens and they rescue Persis, following which Mr. Warrior lays a big, wet, long, nauseating kiss on her, rubbing his livery lips and stubbly beard all over her entire face for several excruciating minutes. She seems to enjoy it, even though he's a twit who left her behind to die at Prossor's hands. Oh, and there's a plot twist that fails to make any sense or have any impact on the story, but at least they put forth the effort to have a twist.

I recommend this movie to any one who gets emotionally erect over explosions. There are lots of things blowing up, sometimes in luxurious slow motion. Sometimes we get to see the same explosion from many angles. It's pyro-porno.