Hardbodies

First saw this on HBO numerous times in the mid-1980s. Didn't see it again until recently, and I have to say it holds up pretty well. Decent plot, passable acting and plenty of eye candy. The odd thing is, this low-budget movie, comprised of unknowns and just a T&A sexploitation flick, holds together better than many contemporary big budget star comedies, such as Grown-ups or Hot Tub Time Machine. There is more cause and effect here than in either of those two current movies. Meaning, instead of starting with an idea and then just moving from one comic vinette to another, the actions of the characters are actually germaine to the plot throughout the movie. The movie breezes along, but keeps the viewer interested the whole time.

Before sitting down to watch Hardbodies, decide what you are looking for out of this film. Do you want a well-written movie with an engaging plot, Oscar-worthy performances and beautifully-written dialogue? Then stay away from this movie. Do you want to see a fairly entertaining movie centered around fitting as much gratuitous shots of topless women as possible? Then you've found what you're looking for!

Hardbodies is a cheesy, 80's teen sex movie. But if you like cheesy, 80's teen sex movies, it's actually pretty good. It's better than any of the other ones out there. Some funny, quotable lines. A few entertaining characters. And many, many hot naked women. I mean, really -- how can you go wrong when there's bikini tops flying off before the opening credits even end?

Back in the 60's, the Beach movie was a popular genre in the fluff-type of film that was prevalent then, but Frankie and Annette were not the ideal types that looked good in bathing suits (Linda Evans was, though). In the mid-90's, we finally had hunks and babes, but by then, drive-ins were out and these films could only be seen on VHS tape or DVD and a lot of them were awful. In the early to mid 80's we had some knockouts in the female department, but the guys were wiry and geeky. However, with Hardbodies, that all changed, because the lead (Grant Cramer)was a handsome man with charisma, and it ushered equality for both sexes.

Cramer plays Scotty, a typical L.A. drifter with no job, but probably gets by somehow. He has a steady girlfriend named Kristi (the lovely Teal Roberts) but lives in a dumpy apartment that he's way past due on rent. He also has a goofy looking friend named Rags (Courtney Gains) who hangs out with them. The story involves three middle-aged men who come to L.A. to have "philosophical discussions" with the babes of L.A., but they don't know how to approach them. They spot Scotty using his techniques (dialoguing and BBD) on various women and they soon ask him for his help. He refuses their offer of room and board at their swank beach house, but after getting evicted and sleeping under the boardwalk, he agrees to teach them his techniques.

Of course, what prevails afterwards are the typical: beach parties that last until dawn, music, the usual double-crosses, and the eventual plot resolution. Still, it's great fun. The acting is O.K., some are fine, others are gawd-awful. The music is cool (Vixen is in it). The ambiance is fun and the dialogue is fresh. Worth renting on VHS; I doubt it's on DVD, but avoid the sequel; it's a bore.

I remember watching this film when I was thirteen and just loving it: gorgeous naked women, gorgeous naked women, gorgeous naked women! Now my thoughts would be: 80s! 80s! 80s! AAAAGGGH! Okay, the 80s weren't so horrible, and I have fond memories of them, and this completely trashy teen sex flick (pretty much the quintessential movie of this quintessentially 80s genre) will zoom you back there so fast, you'll get whiplash and snap the flourescent strap on your sun glasses. Oh, the naked women are still gorgeous, but this thing never can have the same sort of fantastic appeal it did when you were 13 and afraid your parents would walk in the door while you and your buddies were watching it.

I have always enjoyed watching this movie. The movie features a few actors that are still working today. This movie also feature before the "big hair days and makeup" of the rock band Vixen, who would later score some minor hits during the mid to late 80's Glam Hard Rock era.