Hardbodies

Before sitting down to watch Hardbodies, decide what you are looking for out of this film. Do you want a well-written movie with an engaging plot, Oscar-worthy performances and beautifully-written dialogue? Then stay away from this movie. Do you want to see a fairly entertaining movie centered around fitting as much gratuitous shots of topless women as possible? Then you've found what you're looking for!

Hardbodies is a cheesy, 80's teen sex movie. But if you like cheesy, 80's teen sex movies, it's actually pretty good. It's better than any of the other ones out there. Some funny, quotable lines. A few entertaining characters. And many, many hot naked women. I mean, really -- how can you go wrong when there's bikini tops flying off before the opening credits even end?

I have always enjoyed watching this movie. The movie features a few actors that are still working today. This movie also feature before the "big hair days and makeup" of the rock band Vixen, who would later score some minor hits during the mid to late 80's Glam Hard Rock era.

Hardbodies, which was released in the summer of '84, came out around the same time as Ghostbusters and is similar with the latter in the respect that they are both classic films of their respective genres. This movie excels on so many different levels I don't even know where to begin. The performances of Grant Cramer as scammin'jammin' Scotty Palmer and Courtney Gains as his pothead buddy, Rag, are unforgettable. These actors bring such depth to their characters that at times the film seems to take on a documentary feel. "Are these actors, or are they real people just playing themselves," you may ask yourself while watching.

Their adventure begins when three middle-aged dorks turn to Scotty for advice on how to pick up the many beach babes which inhabit the SoCal location where the story takes place. He gives them the helpful advice of "dialoguing" the young girls with the promise that they will be offered the "B.B.D." (Bigger Better Deal). Many memorable characters are encountered along their journey of finding the ultimate piece of you-know-what in this already overpopulated area of hottys.

Who can forget Candy, the chick who "melts in your ear and not in your mouth". And Rag's ability to "flip people off in 48 languages". Hardbodies is also a standout in the category of "80's Party Movie" because it holds the distinction of being one of the few where just about every girl shown in the flick gets naked at least once. Let us all celebrate the 18th anniversary of "Hardbodies" by getting plenty of beer and picking up this brilliant masterpiece at the local blockbuster. A Cinematic triumph and a milestone in 80's cinema.

"Hardbodies" delivers what you should expect from a lightweight 80's sex comedy: plenty of fantastic-looking girls in bikinis or topless, a fun-carefree-sunny-summer-California-beach atmosphere, a couple of chuckles, and lots of 80's music. It does not deliver high cinematic artistry or a brilliant plot, but then again you should not expect any of that. The two main girls, Teal Roberts and Cindy Silver, are both enormously appealing and pleasantly natural, and the two main guys, Grant Cramer and Courtney Gains, are likable. The premise might have worked better if we had younger nerds in the roles of the middle-aged men, but to its credit the movie acknowledges their age and somehow manages to get away with it. It's the girls who are the most important here anyway, and as I said the casting was very good right down the line - I don't remember looking at even one less-than-pretty girl in this movie, even at the background. One of THE prettiest is no doubt a very young Kathleen Kinmont, in her first movie role: she doesn't get naked, yet her very tight white T-shirt leaves little to the imagination. (**1/2)

First saw this on HBO numerous times in the mid-1980s. Didn't see it again until recently, and I have to say it holds up pretty well. Decent plot, passable acting and plenty of eye candy. The odd thing is, this low-budget movie, comprised of unknowns and just a T&A sexploitation flick, holds together better than many contemporary big budget star comedies, such as Grown-ups or Hot Tub Time Machine. There is more cause and effect here than in either of those two current movies. Meaning, instead of starting with an idea and then just moving from one comic vinette to another, the actions of the characters are actually germaine to the plot throughout the movie. The movie breezes along, but keeps the viewer interested the whole time.