Space Raiders

Okay, picture it: a ten year old boy has nothing better to do but to mope around the house. He turns on the TV and BOOM! It's a Star Wars rip-off! HOORAY! I was that ten year old kid and I so loved Star Wars (and still do) that anything with space battles, robots and smart-arse heroes was immediately watched with great suspension of disbelief. I really thought that Space Raiders was, along with Battlestar Galactica, the mutt's nuts, as it were, of Star Wars-type films. It was duly taped on a later broadcast and said tape did wear out because said kid watched it so much. I still watched it while I was a secondary school, and I'd even get up at some hideously early hour so I could watch it before going to school. After the tape went the way of the dodo I fortunately found a second-hand copy in a cash converters store and was able to keep watching it, though more out of habit that for a fix of space hokum. It will never earn the mantle of greatest sci-fi flick ever as that honour will go to the original Star Wars, but it's still watchable if you are a member of the kid-young-teen bracket. It's fun, it doesn't get too heavy and bogged down in volumes of exposition and it's got some very good ideas. The problem is that the budget didn't do justice to those ideas. The effects are very cheap, but I have seen worse. The robots were pretty well done, even if it is obvious that they're men in plastic suits. The acting isn't brilliant, but then this is an escapist b-movie, not Shakespeare, and to be honest, the level of acting is about right for the film - the actors are all pretty competent in their own way but they won't be winning any awards. Space Raiders - not great, but not rubbish either.

It took me a few years to hunt down this title, a major staple of my childhood. Almost every trip to the video shop I'd pick out Space Raiders and watch it three times every time my mother rented it for me. It was, I suppose, my Star Wars.

It's a shame then that it's such a stinker. My memories were so hazy that it offered nothing in terms of nostalgia so I had to take it at face value. A crew of space pirates accidentally kidnap a pretty annoying little kid and spend the rest of the movie trying to get him home.

Aimed squarely at the under-tens it's got unwelcome slapstick, very shoddy costumes and make-up, recycled special effects, wobbly sets and poor acting. But even with the unintentional comedy it's no fun to see it as an adult, where I can pick out not just the technical faults but wonder at how spectacularly the writer and director managed to botch an endless stream of no-brainer fun/powerful moments that have been seen in a million other sci-fi movies and in the hands of anyone remotely competent should have been successful.

I imagine as a kid I probably found it quite empowering - there are lots of "I can't do this, I'm just a kid" "Sure you can kiddo, you just have to try!"-type exchanges; the kid drinks beer, etc., but even by low budget 1983 sci-fi standards this one's pretty awful, with a real snoozer of a "finale".

Somewhere out in space millions of robots are making coffee. This obsession with making coffee has left a spaceship unsupervised, which is where the 'Space Raiders' come in. Led by Hawk, a company vet who now turns to alcohol, the raiders steal a spaceship. Hopping along this spaceship is a little kid and a tiny insect. Will this bug infect other planets with disease? We don't know. Our focus is on the kid and the promise Hawk has made to him. Can Hawk bring the kid home? Saying nay are the robots who have made a death star type spaceship because, apparently, they have had too much coffee and are wired! Watch the excitement, live for the danger and by every means blasts them rocks!!!!

This is, after all, only a fantasy, but I liked it. The idea that a promise was given to a boy by a man who was once an honorable officer, and was kept even though it meant death to Hawk, was special to me. What a memory this young boy must have had all his future life for this man. These characters lived on the edge of excitement all the time, facing death throughout their adventurous lives. I found it good, but perhaps a little hokey at times. Fun to watch anyway. I would rate it at least 6 or 7. It had a good moral.

SPACE RAIDERS ought to make a good old fun-filled Saturday morning staple for the baby-boomers who remembered watching "Jason Of Star Command" on CBS many years back. As all is said and clear, this is shades of Roger Corman's previous sci-fi efforts, and it looks so terribly dark that the same old tiring explosions make up for the poor planning. The dialogue contains plenty of unfittingly abusive words every so often, but you've got to giggle over Flightplan's spoken line, which is incredibly campy: "Robots. I can't sense robots." Leave it to the spaceship fights and 'bot blastings for your enjoyment. They're not great, but they're worth the movie alone. Who could ask for anything more? No other sci-fi saga, past or present, can dethrone or even match the legendary STAR WARS!