Metalstorm - La tempête d'acier

Charles Band… yeah producer/director Charles Band and by that name you should know what you are going to get. Well unless it's your first taste, which if it is, 'Metalstorm' is probably not a great starting point. I wanted to like this one more, but by the end I was completely bored with only the saving grace being the performances of an amusing Tim Thomason (who definitely spiced things up) and Richard Moll dressed in make-up. This cheap b-grade post-apocalyptic Sci-fi fling wears its influences for everyone to see, but instills no personality. Aside from the western touches (and that standoff scene is actually well done), it was namely something out of 'Star Wars' and obviously 'Mad Max 2', which you could say Jeffery Byron's ranger character is easily patterned on Mel Gibson's leather-decked road warrior of those films. Nonetheless Bryon's stiff impression is no match. Also appearing with amount of interest is a very beautiful Kelly Preston, but she does quite little than titillate. Mike Preston as the head villain Jared-Syn left a lot to be desired, as I found him laughably nonsensical in a plastic sense.

Although why we watch these films is for some senselessly cheap fun and lousy exchanges. The latter was right on the mark with the dialogues, however sadly I found the junky action quite lackluster and sloppy with a poorly shot desert wasteland backdrop. It feels in slow-motion (and Brand even uses that technique at times), despite the (unfocused) story keeping things moving. It has its moments (probably just not enough even with the few tripped-out visuals) and the make-up of the fancy dressed mutants are decently executed. I couldn't say the same about the dodgy special effects, which really do come to the front at the end. Richard Band's score is a clunker of sorts.

I didn't find it to be completely awful by any stretch, but more so frustratingly drab and unfulfilled with only some minor flourishes and a chirpy Thomerson.

Dogen (Jeffrey Byron) is a Ranger out to take down Jared-Syn who is breaking the peace and recruiting mutants for his holy war. Dhyana (Kelly Preston) and her father are prospectors. They strike the motherlode but Jared-Syn's son Baal kills her father. Dogen finds Dhyana and they discover the crystals could store lifeforce. They are attacked by Baal. Dhyana is transported and taken prisoner. Jared-Syn is storing lifeforce in his giant crystal. Dogen recruits tired old-timer Rhodes (Tim Thomerson) to find Jared-Syn. They impress Hurok (Richard Moll) and his mutant warriors along the way.

This is pretty bad. Byron has as much charisma as a rock with as much usefulness for the lead actor. Tim Thomerson does a couple of good turns before he gets out of there. It's following Mad Max style in its desert car-chase action B-movie. However it doesn't have the kinetic energy and relies too much on slow motion. The special effects aren't that special. It's also part of the 80s 3D revival which only adds to the cheese factor. This is not good and not bad enough to be fun. The only good part is the memorable look of Baal.

This is another one of those very first movies I ever rented as a kid. It was childish love at first site. Watched it numerous times back then. Is it actually a good movie? I think I'll just plead the 5th on that one.

Having just re-watched it, I'll just say right away: METALSTORM: THE DESTRUCTION OF JARED-SYN is a blast and offers lots of (unintentional) laughs. Just throw the following elements into a blender: Post-Apocalyptic (vehicles & mutants), STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI (speed-bikers), western (showdown), Swords & Sorcery (quest, fights, and sock-puppet sand-creatures), fantasy (magical crystals and other nonsense), cyborg (or a dude basically enhanced by various metal-parts, including an extendable metal grab-claw arm that spits toxic LSD) and psychedelia (warped gateways into other dimensions). Plus, Tim Thomerson and Richard Moll are in it. This simply is a wonderful film.

Well yes, I'm biased when it comes to early Charles Band outings. This isn't really a good movie (Damn, I did say it, didn't I?), but it's very enjoyable, cheesy & nonsensical stuff. All things I listed up here really are featured in this film, albeit not exactly in quality incarnations, if you know what I mean. And the special effects are dated and look silly sometimes, but there's enough of those in the film to keep you amused. Compared to other early Charles Band films, METALSTORM definitely is a bit crazier and more action-packed than PARASITE (the "good" film) and THE ALCHEMIST (the "lesser" film) and would - in my humble opinion - make a perfect double feature with THE DUNGEONMASTER (aka RAGEWAR), together making up for a super-duper special effects extravaganza night fest. And if you can't get with that, you're a bit of a sourpuss, I'm afraid.

Good, bad, stupid, fun? Who cares! These films were made with enthusiasm. The kind that rubs off. At least on me it does. Blame my rating on nostalgia.

During the summer of '83, my childhood buddy and I saw some 13 movies over the course of a long week, including Metalstorm. We were ten at the time and even at that young age we were impressed by just how awful a movie could be. Yes, Metalstorm is, without a doubt, the worst movie I have ever seen. And yet, to this day, my buddy and I still wax nostalgically about the evil Jared-Syn and the impact he and the other stars of Metalstorm had on our summer of '83.

Metalstorm, I LOVE YOU!

I saw this movie back in 83 when 3-d was making a comeback. I liked it a lot but I was young and it was 3-d. I've seen it a few times after that on HBO and still enjoyed it. I just recently got a 3-d dvd of the movie and I enjoyed it even more. Sure, it's crap but it's fun crap and I'm a sucker for 3-d movies. Watching this in 3-d in my own living room brought back memories. It's definately worth seeing in 3-d.