- Waiter (segment 1 "Midnight Mess"): Good evening. The table d'hôte is rather nice, sir. Juice, soup, roast, sweet, coffee.
- Rogers (segment 1 "Midnight Mess"): That'll be fine!
- Eleanor Critchit (segment "The Neat Job"): [after messing up the living room and ruining his workshop] I wanted to hang a picture I came down for the nail.
- Arthur Critchit (segment "The Neat Job"): [Upon seeing the devastation] You've messed up my whole house. Can't you do anything neatly? Can't you? Can't you do anything neatly? Can't you do anything neatly? Can't you? Can't you do anything neatly? Can't you do anything neatly?
- Eleanor Critchit (segment "The Neat Job"): Argghhhh!
- [Sinks the claw hammer she's holding into the top of his head]
- Jane (segment "The Neat Job"): Why did you marry him, Eleanor?
- Eleanor Critchit (segment "The Neat Job"): Father had no money, I had no ability, no profession, what else was I to do? Besides, he's quite nice really. Except...
- Jane (segment "The Neat Job"): Except for what?
- Eleanor Critchit (segment "The Neat Job"): Well there's nothing I seem to be able to do for him... except keep his house tidy.