Touche pas à mes tennis

With school officially over, "Dina" (Kim Lankford) gets a new job as a lifeguard at the local beach. Later that night she and "Sally" (Susan Player) are driving around and they just happen to get a flat tire. As they are fixing it two young men by the names of ""Bobby" (James Daughton) and "Paul" (Michael Luther) come along and offer to help out. Soon, as they become better acquainted, they begin to hang out and have a lot of fun. So much for the rather basic plot. To make things worse, there really isn't much comedy to be found and the music essentially consisted of about 3 or 4 songs played over and over again. Yet even considering all of that, this movie wasn't a complete waste due in large part to the beautiful scenery and the feelings of nostalgia this film managed to create. Likewise, both Kim Lankford and Susan Player weren't bad to look at either. Hey, it's great to be young and like most "Beach movies" this film celebrates it. But even so there are better beach movies out there. Still, for what it's worth, I suppose it will suffice on a cold, rainy night if absolutely necessary. As a result I rate it as only slightly below average.

This is one of the few 70's drive-in movies I actually remember seeing in a 70's drive-in--well, sort of. My older female cousin had actually taken us to another drive-in movie, but she was occupied with her boyfriend, so my younger cousin,my brother, and I got out of the car to wander around and we saw bits of this movie showing on another screen--namely the recurring scene with the dog stealing girls' bikini tops. It's pretty tame and goofy in retrospect, but it sure is pretty memorable when you are ten years old.

Seeing the entire movie years later, I can't help but have some misbegotten affection for it. It is one of those free-spirited, anarchic late 70's teen films with no real plot to speak of except for a bunch of California teens cruising around, partying, and having sex (ironically, pretty much what the young drive-in audience at the time was probably also doing). The lead Kim Lankford, who plays a female lifeguard having her first sexual experiences, never really appeared in anything after this, but she was an appealing beauty and quite memorable here. Co-star Tara Stroheim was involved in a lot of Roger Corman-type 70's drive-in fare like "Hollywood Boulevard" with Candice Rialson. The actress with the most interesting career, however, is no doubt Susan Player who was in "The Pom-Pom Girls" (a somewhat more famous drive-in movie a lot like this), but she also appeared in Italian sex comedies like "Cugini Carnal" ("Carnal Cousins")and the British-Italian exploitation film "The Adolescents" with Koo Stark.

You don't need to know any of that to enjoy THIS movie though. It's no cinematic masterpiece by a long shot, and it's fairly tame as far as sexploitation flicks go, but is an enjoyable time capsule of a bygone era.

Ingredients needed for a good coming of age teen beach sex comedy:

1 A couple of hunks with blonde hair, blue eyes, lots of pecs and no discernible personality as main characters.. CHECK

2 A nerd with a bowl haircut and thick glasses who gets on everybody's nerves because INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE NEVER ANY FUN.. CHECK

3 Two sexy young girls on vacation who start off hating our heroes but gradually, through the course of the film.. CHECK

4 At least one prudish middle-age adult who start off disapproving of the teenage hormones that surround him but gradually, throughout the course of the film.. CHECK

5. A female lifeguard in a swimsuit who is a total bombshell.. I wonder who'll be the first to pretend to be drowning so they can.. you know.. tee hee.. CHECK

6. A pair of dopey cops who try to stop the party for reasons unknown, but always end up losing.. usually tied up, with their trousers down and a pair of humiliating boxer shorts exposed.. CHECK

7. A campfire scene where everybody confesses their deepest darkest secrets and past mistakes cos, you know, even silly little films like this can have a SOUL too.. CHECK

8. Who can forget the classic skinny-dipping bit? Better make it at night though, and at a distance.. that way the young starlets won't get too embarrassed.. CHECK

9. The mandatory final love scene, which involves lots of kissing, drippy background music.. but not much in the way of movement. Oh well, as long as she's got a nice rack.. CHECK

10. Put a nice montage of all the lead characters playing on the beach over the end credits, just to show that even though summer may be finished, THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP ARE ETERNAL!! Bless.. CHECK

Oh yeah.. I almost forgot about the dog who is trained to steal bikini tops. That's a laugh, seeing this puppy with a bra in its mouth being pursued by a Playmate while she flops all over the place. Comedy gold! Benny Hill, eat your heart out! Oh, I can't go without mentioning.. wait, is anybody there.. HELLO? HELLO? I haven't finished yet!! 0/10

This film is one of my favorite of all time. Why? Because there's obviously something wrong with me. Who in their right mind would find brilliance in a film so thoroughly built for the quick Drive-in buck. Who would tolerate marginal acting and a non-existent storyline, a soundtrack the consists of three songs played over and over and over again, and a freeze- frame ending where everyone is laughing at a bad joke?

Who, you ask? Anyone who can see past the mechanics of this film, the strained convention and the low-budget. Crown International was the perpetrator of this relaxing slice of 1970's nostalgia and they know how to make these type of films like no one else.

There's something magical that exists between the lines of this film and how it captures the lazy days and fun nights of being a teenager and spending your days on and near the beach. It reminded me of those times back in the late 70's/early 80's. Moreover, the two lead girls have definitely got something going. And, as far as the three songs are concerned, with the exception of the synth track that seems to be the only thing that plays at the bar they all go to, the other two tracks ("I go to pieces" originally by Peter and Gordon, and "You're Gonna find love" by who the heck knows) add to the charming time machine quality of this film.

During my summers, when I was too young to see R-rated films like these, I recall that Crown used to group their latest and their last as double features. This film originally was grouped with "The Van" and later with "Van Nuys Blvd." Both MB and Van had "Dugan", whom, I guess, wasn't a popular enough character to make a franchise out of (due to the unfortunate comic stylings of Steve Oliver). Van Nuys Blvd., it seems, couldn't procure him so they created the much beloved character "Chooch" instead. A sad day for all, indeed.

I put this on sometimes when I have friends over. The typical response they have is amazement at the sheer randomness and stupidity of the movie -- but after a few minutes, no one can stop watching it. When I ask why, they usually say, "I just want to see what happens next." Sign of a masterpiece if you ask me.

Malibu Beach doesn't have much in the way of a plot, but it doesn't really need one:it's more than happy to wander aimlessly from scene to scene with a 'why worry?' attitude that is perfectly suited to its carefree teenage characters, all of whom are far too busy living for the now to think about the bigger picture.

There's sexy young lifeguard Dina (the gorgeous Kim Lankford), handsome high-schooler Bobby (James Daughton), promiscuous babe Glorianna (Tara Strohmeier), desperate nerd Claude (Roger Lawrence Pierce), Margie the hot-dog stand girl (Sherry Lee Marks), and the older (but none the wiser) bodybuilder beach-bully Dugan (Steve Oliver) to name but a few. As the viewer, we get to tag along with these regulars of the beach scene as they party in the sun and frolic in the hot summer nights.

While it's far from ground-breaking stuff—a series of frivolous vignettes in which our on-screen pals party, swim, dance, race, fight, and hook up with each other—it's a lot of fun while it lasts, a reminder of a time of life when all that mattered was having a laugh with your friends (whilst trying to attract the attention of the opposite sex).