If Ever I See You Again

Saw this movie back in the mid-80's on HBO just as I'd gone to work for a medium-sized advertising agency. The best parts of this film are the ones where Joe Brooks has to pitch his music to clients and deal with them in the recording studio along with their ignorance and complete lack of knowledge. As a jingle writer and producer, Joe knows this dynamic very well, and as portrayed here, it's dead-on - the most accurate and honest part of the film. It's extremely relatable if you're in the advertising business. Joe Brooks probably has a hundred stories that are just as funny and inane as the ones presented here, maybe enough for an entire film. That might wear thin pretty quickly, but it would more entertaining than the bulk of "If Ever I See You Again."

I love to watch movies from the 1970s, especially romances, to check out the cheesy clothes, huge, poofy hair, bad disco music, etc. This and Moment by Moment, made the same year, win 1978's most cheesy romances of the year. Shelley Hack, who went on to replace Kate Jackson on Charlie's Angels, is beautiful but looks uncomfortable throughout. I've read she asks interviewers not to mention this film. Joe Brooks, who basically did everything in this movie (co-star, director, writer, producer, wrote and arranged the music), can't save the film either.

Still, if you love cheesy 70s movies, you'll lap this one up!

You know what I loved about this film ? That both Hack and Brooks wore glasses. In 1978, that was a breakthrough! Remember all the film fatales that wore specks and then when they removed them were deemed beautiful ? Or even the ones like Dorothy Malone in The Big Sleep and many others that had to remove them when they wanted to impress the guy ? Well today lots of girls wear glasses; it's a style thing and I would bet that no one under the age of 25 understands the importance of facial lenses in film. In the old days it just did not happen that a romance could develop between two four-eyes ( or eight eyes in this case) But it did in this film and THAT single thing is what makes it great.

There are different types of bad movies.

This falls into the pretentious bad category, which is the most fun. It is the sort of movie created by someone who takes himself far, far too seriously. He has a degree of talent but not nearly as much as he thinks he has so his strivings for Meaning and Significance and Truth are as clichéd as .... a commercial.

Joe Brooks, a jingle writer of the era, was the 'creative genius' behind this effort. Director, writer, star, teeth grindingly sappy ballad writer. Hey, it was the 'auteur' era so why not get in on the action ? Fortunately, the summer special effects blockbuster was discovered at precisely that time so the threat of Joe Brooks, auteur, was nipped in the bud.

It's too bad, too, because the idea had a lot of potential. It just needed a better script, better songs, actors who could actually act and a director who knew what he was doing.

Mostly though, this movie is an exercise of ego for one Joe Brooks. He directs, he acts, he sings, he produces. Presumably, he also cast Shelley Hack, whose last name pretty much sums up the state of her acting ability, in the lead female role.

Where to start? The acting, if it can be called that, is an abomination. Shelley Hack is leaden and Joe would be lucky to be so good. He plays a jingle writer who aspires to greater things. Judging from the music, he's found his niche with jingles. It has a certain Barry Manilow light quality to it. Imagine hell being trapped in an elevator for all eternity with muzak playing Joe Brooks greatest hits, and you'll begin to get a taste for just how bad it gets.

Especially when Joe starts to sing. When Joe made "You Light Up My Life," the first decision he made was to dub Didi Cohn's voice with Debbie Boone's. Would that he showed as much sense here. Somewhere out there, cats start to howl when Joe sings.

The bottom line, watch if you must, but remember to bring a book to read. It's two hours of your life you'll never get back