- Max Berns: You guys look like garbage.
- Sonny Hooper: You should see through my eyes, it's metro color.
- Cully: I've just got a little headache. If you think we're bad you should see the guys...!
- Sonny Hooper: [Slaps Cully] Dont yell in my ear! Jesus Christ.
- [Belches]
- Cully: [Hears something coming towards them, it's Ski on a motorized skateboard] What the hell is that? Look what's coming.
- Sonny Hooper: [Covers his ears] Stop that thing! Shoot it! Kill it!
- Ski: [Holds up a breakfast burrito] Want some breakfast?
- Sonny Hooper: [Belches] Oh God, get that circumcised will you.
- Amtrac, SWAT man: [Sonny has smashed the jukebox to get Amtrac's money back] Well, if you wanted to make somebody look like an asshole, boy, you did! That was you.
- Sonny Hooper: [counting the SWAT guys] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12... six against twelve!
- Ski: [joins in] Seven.
- Sonny Hooper: Seven against twelve. Well, that's a little uneven. Looks like you guys'll have to go back to Houston and get some more guys!
- Sonny Hooper: Nobody's gettin' married!
- Jocko Doyle: What do you mean, nobody's gettin' married? Name me somebody that ain't gettin' married. Name me two people, for Christ sake, that ain't gettin' married. Everybody's - people get - *faggots* are gettin' married! For Christ sake, what do you mean, nobody's gettin' married.
- Roger Deal: As you remember, it's a giant earthquake, you know, with fires and explosions, buildings falling everywhere, chaos, terror, and you'll be driving through it. Yeah, it has a nice grayness, like "La Strada".
- Sonny Hooper: I'll make a deal with you. I'll make a deal with you. I won't do any acting, if you don't do any stunts. Okay?
- Cully: When you're last picture made over a hundred million dollars, you don't have to slobber over anybody.
- Gwen Doyle: Is your back okay, really?
- Sonny Hooper: It's fine.
- Gwen Doyle: Do you want me to walk on it?
- Sonny Hooper: No, I want you to crawl on me.
- Jocko Doyle: Now that son-of-a-bitch knows how I felt when he came in.
- Gwen Doyle: Dad!
- Jocko Doyle: What?
- Gwen Doyle: The language!
- Jocko Doyle: Oh! Shit, sorry. Damn it!
- Gwen Doyle: [to the crowd of kids] Sorry, he's a degenerate, you know.
- Sherman: Hey, Granddad, I've got 50 cents in that jukebox and all I can hear is your mouth.
- Jocko Doyle: What'd you say, son? I'm a mite deaf.
- Sherman: I said, I got 50 cents in that jukebox and all I can hear is your mouth flappin'!
- Sonny Hooper: You have to admit, he's pretty damn good.
- Cully: Yeah, I have to admit it.
- Sonny Hooper: Pretty damn young, too.
- Cully: Yeah, I hate him. I just hate him.
- Sonny Hooper: Handsome little shit.
- Sonny Hooper: I gotta do things in my own time in my own way.
- Jocko Doyle: You're a horny son-of-a-bitch.
- Sonny Hooper: I gotta do things in my own time and my own way.
- Cully: Thanks to the kid, here, the Polack, here, we're gonna have to sit around all day waitin' for night to shoot.
- Cully: Are you crazy?
- Sonny Hooper: What?
- Cully: I just talked to that helicopter pilot.
- Sonny Hooper: So?
- Cully: Well, how high you gonna drop?
- Sonny Hooper: What's the world's record.
- Cully: 223.
- Sonny Hooper: I'll go 224.
- Sonny Hooper: This is a big town, isn't it? Los Angelos is a big town. Well, why the hell does a bar close before the bars in Tulsa? Can you answer me that?
- Ski: What the hell is it about stunt men and their wives and relationships?
- Sonny Hooper: I don't know. It's a little like - it's a little like drinkin' and drivin'. Eventually, there's gonna be a helluva wreck.
- Ski: If that happens, there's just one thing to do.
- Sonny Hooper: What's that?
- Ski: Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
- Max Berns: It's only a damn movie, anyhow, for God's sake.
- Roger Deal: Only a movie? I want you to call the studio brass! I want you to tell them and their stockholders and the distributors and the bank, that it's only a movie! Will you do that Max? I want you to tell them, "Forget about all your money, it's only a movie."
- Cully: There ain't nobody crazy enough to ride with that kid - especially with an old rocket strapped to his butt. And you can bet your ass, your cowboy hat, and your house cat, they're gonna be comin' after you to get you to do the stunt.
- Sonny Hooper: So, the Queen says to the photographer, "I got a brother-in-law that's a photographer." The photographer says, "Well, that's not so strange. I got a brother-in-law that's a Queen."
- Roger Deal: You think I'm a tyrannical egomaniac. Well, maybe it's true. A film is a tiny piece of time and we *captured* it. I only do it for one reason. To make the best movie I can. Because I'm a pro.
- Cully: I got fired; so, I came by to say goodbye.
- Sonny Hooper: Fired? What are you talking about?
- Cully: Well, you see, they were over budget and they wanted to get rid of some of the deadwood. My wood's dead.