La Guerre des robots

Bad movie fans will appreciate this Italian attempt to make a quick buck on the popularity of "Star Wars." Everyone else should avoid it as they would a rabid weasel. Even Italian children, no doubt the film's target audience, must have felt insulted after the first couple reels of this low budget non-epic.

That being said, "La Guerra Dei Robot" does have a sort of cheesy charm. It's plot attempts to parallel the first "Star Wars" movie with truly hilarious results. Also the faux "Star Trek" make up of it's crew is funny in a painfully dumb sort of way.

In sum, unless you're a fan of crummy sci-fi movies, keep away from this one.

Call me crazy, but I found "War of the Robots" to be a campy charmer. While the plot--involving a crazy professor and an "empress" (who looks like Zora Kerowa's evil twin), a league of blind alien beings, and a league of Aryan robots--is negligible, the film possesses a low-budget spirit that carries it quite a ways. Sure, it feels like a rip-off of "Star Wars," "Star Trek," "Dark Star," and even "Cave Dwellers" (which came a few years later), but it's low-budget fun in the same way that playing with "A-Team" action figures was fun when I was 5. That, and the atrocious special effects, lousy dubbing, chintzier sets, and sci-fi tropes (ray-guns that are really nothing but souped-up flashlights) makes "War of the Robots" especially juicy for a MST3K-style skewering with a group of friends (one wonders how this avoided the Satellite of Love).

WAR OF THE ROBOTS is a total waste of film, not to mention the viewers time. Made in 1978, this Italian space "epic" looks like it might have been produced 30 years earlier. Everything about this film is terrible, including an incoherent script, bad acting, horribly done special effects (the Flash Gordon serials from the 1930's were better, at least they were in focus most of the time), extremely bad sound effects and dialogue dubbing. If one took all the worst blunders found in the bad Italian and Japanese sci-fi flicks of the 1950's and 1960's and condensed them into one film, WAR OF THE ROBOTS would be the result. Utter trash, avoid at all costs.

Professor Carr (Jacques Herlin) and his attractive assistant Lois (Malisa Longo) are abducted by silver skinned aliens in bad wigs, who are later revealed to be androids ruled by a wicked empress intent on ruling the galaxy. Rather inconveniently, the professor is the only person alive with the know-how to prevent the potentially catastrophic explosion of a malfunctioning Earth satellite, and so a perilous rescue mission is quickly launched, with Captain John Boyd (Antonio Sabato) in command of the spaceship Trissa (the name of the company that provided the film with its funky PVC space suits!).

Never ones to ignore a trend, opportunistic Italian directors quickly jumped on the late-70s sci- fi bandwagon, churning out some amazingly horrendous films in the process; one such effort was The War of the Robots, a pulp sci-fi stinker that clearly aimed to mimic both Star Wars and Star Trek, but which missed the mark in almost every way imaginable, providing none of the spectacle, excitement and technical wizardry of those particular films, but plenty in the way of unintentional laughs as Boyd and his brave crew spout ridiculous 'futuristic' space jargon, are repeatedly duped by obvious traitors, and do battle with wave upon wave of inadequate androids that possess all the fighting prowess of a bath sponge (whether it be with a gun, a laser sword or a space-craft, the robots seem incapable of killing their enemies).

Other silliness includes a couple of pathetic space-walks, a Texan character with a distinctly un-Texan accent, a minor character called General Gonad (snigger), the dullest space dogfights imaginable, and a sub-plot that sees shapely crew-member Julie (Yanti Somer) holding a torch for Captain Boyd, who remains oblivious to her obvious charms until the film's heartwarming finale, when he finally realises that, despite a rather unflattering Ziggy Stardust haircut, she is a total babe (as are all the women in his crew, whose PVC space suits appear to be a tad tighter than those worn by their male counterparts!).

After reading the reviews of the film on this site I must admit that I really don't understand some people.

When you rent/buy an Italian film, made in the seventies, called "War of the Robots", do you really expect to see Orcar winner material??

Of course not, you know from the beginning that is going to be a badly acted/directed/dubbed piece of junk. But what an entertaining piece of junk!

I've never seen so many men dressed in blue mini skirts in my life! And let's not forget the blue tights as well. it's like watching an episode of the Smurfs in Space!

I've never seen so many terribly crafted MDF settings/furniture since the last time i watched a home improvement show on British TV.

I've never seen so many stupid wigs since Cher's last world tour! And imagine the results when you use them together with silver space suits and silver body paint! Wow!

As you can understand I never even bothered to notice the plot or even the fact that the person who translated the script from Italian, probably didn't speak English.

But what really surprised me about this film is that even though we are surrounded by all this space hi-end technology, it seems that none of the female space crew even know what a push-up bra is, and the wonders it can do for your figure....