- Jeremy Brown: Su-Lee, spell "Democracy"
- Chung Su-Lee: C-H-I-N-A.
- Jeremy Brown: And I suppose if I asked you to spell "Dictatorship", you would have spelt "England"?
- Chung Su-Lee: Or "America"!
- Police Sergeant: What is your name?
- Juan Cervantes: Por favor?
- Police Sergeant: How do you spell that?
- Jeremy Brown: That's not his name!
- Police Sergeant: Oh, giving me a fake name, are we?
- Juan Cervantes: Por favor?
- Police Sergeant: I'll come back to you, Mr. Por Favor, or whatever you name is!
- Ranjeet Singh: If at first, you are not succeeding, try try!
- Jeremy Brown: [corrects Ranjeet] Again.
- Ranjeet Singh: If at first, you are...
- Jeremy Brown: How about a toast for Ali and Su-Lee?
- Giovanni Capello: No, sorry, we have no toast, only biscuits.
- Jeremy Brown: No, I mean a toast for Ali and Su-Lee.
- Giovanni Capello: We have no toast for them, either!
- Ingrid Svenson: I very much like teacher.
- Danielle Favre: You will not make the eyes on Mr. Brown!
- Ingrid Svenson: If I want to, I will!
- Danielle Favre: Mr. Brown does not care for the blonde ladies!
- Ingrid Svenson: Swedish women are the beautifulest!
- Danielle Favre: [scoffs] The problem with Swedish women is that are they too big in the bosom!
- Ingrid Svenson: The French are too big in the mouth!
- Jeremy Brown: Now, although most sports are international, there are some sports that are native to different countries. For example, the national sport of France is...
- Danielle Favre: Football!
- Jeremy Brown: Correct! And the national sport for Italy is...
- Giovanni Capello: Girls!
- Jeremy Brown: That's not a sport!
- Giovanni Capello: Maybe not, but it's more popular than football!
- Miss Courtney: Can anybody tell me who said "To Be or Not To Be"?
- Chung Su-Lee: Chairman Mao!
- Miss Courtney: This may come as a shock to you, but there are people who've written things besides Chairman Mao.
- Chung Su-Lee: Chairman Mao lite evelything!
- Miss Courtney: Well, he certainly didn't lite... *write* "To Be or Not To Be"!
- Jeremy Brown: [Mr Brown is talking to the class about everyday things they should know how to say and do] Ali, where would you go to get some aspirin?
- Ali Nadim: The Tandoori Takeaway.
- Jeremy Brown: What?
- Ali Nadim: My jolly good friend who works there always has plenty aspirin.
- Jeremy Brown: No, where would you *buy* aspirin?
- Ali Nadim: Why would I be buying aspirin, when I can get it from my jolly good friend for free?
- Jeremy Brown: All right, where would you go if the Tandoori Takeaway was closed?
- Ali Nadim: Oh, blimey! The Taj Mahal Curryhouse
- Jamila Ranjha: White Chemist!
- Jeremy Brown: [Ali leaves his seat and begins to walk out of the classroom] Where are you going?
- Ali Nadim: To buy aspirin.
- Jeremy Brown: I thought you said you didn't have a headache?
- Ali Nadim: Oh blimey! I do now!
- Miss Courtney: Can anyone tell me what we call a pig after it has been killed?
- Ali Nadim: Yes please, it is dead pig.